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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

OK iabu as it's fb but sheesh

99 replies

BuntCadger · 01/02/2014 11:11

I have a scrummy 11 day old baby and finally chose his name yesterday. Zachary Benjamin Smile do I text family and friends and later upload a few pics for friends and family on fb with his name.

lots of lovely messages and all good. .. then a message from cousin "really? I think my Zachary was happy being the only one! " I replied that I didn't know she had a Don with that name but that it is such a lovely. name and sure lots of boys have thus name.

today there is another message about the fact 3 of my 4 children share names with her family. Thomas did Jessica. . They are hardly unusual names and they are names I like. nothing to do with her family.

she's now in her early 50s and a grandma herself so her kids are a fair bit older. j just don't get why she feels the need to be so snipey. I was all Grin as loved up.with newborn and she's just made it a bit Sad . dh.wants me to. "unfriend" her but it seems a bit petty, although. I wouldn't have to see her comments

OP posts:
RandomMess · 01/02/2014 19:13

Love the way you didn't even know the names of her adult dc, ya know you being such close family that having duplicate names is an inconvenience and all that Wink

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 01/02/2014 19:20

"Do fuck off now, there's a dear!"
Should do the trick! Grin

Rainbowshine · 01/02/2014 19:23

If you don't want to unfriendly her on fb you can relegate her to be an acquaintance, then you can make your settings so that you don't have to see her and she doesn't see your posts. I'd ignore her messages and oif asked blame the crap fb app on your phone. She's nuts, enjoy your lovely new squishy baby.

AlwaysDancing1234 · 01/02/2014 19:28

She is being really daft, if you gave your kids the same names as your immediate siblings or nephews then maybe but you can't worry about extended family cousins etc. just ignore and do not respond to her negative posts at all. Enjoy the precious early days with your little boy and ignore her and her silly ways!!

MrsCampbellBlack · 01/02/2014 19:30

Oh I love 'not your moment darling, not your moment'.

Bunt, congratulations! Ignore the silly woman, she clearly has issues. Just hide her so you don't see any of her comments and then de-friend her.

LiegeAndLief · 01/02/2014 19:32

How weird.

My dc have the same names as two of my cousins (who are siblings). They are not unusual names and we liked them. No one has ever said anything. My aunt has certainly never accused me of being SAD because I chose the same names as her!

WillYouDoTheFandango · 01/02/2014 19:58

I have 9 cousins on my mums side from her 6 brothers, we're a close family. We all, with 2 exceptions, have only boys. There's 2 Adams, 2 Michaels and 2 Matthews. Who gives a shit? There has never been a single argument about names and my family can argue for Britain.

Your cousin really wants to grow up a bit. Those messages make her sound like a complete stroppy teenage nightmare not a grown woman in her 50s. Do not feed the drama llama.

tallwivglasses · 01/02/2014 19:59

Loving 'not your moment' but I had a flashback to an old thread...how about 'Are you on Glue?'

Goldmandra · 01/02/2014 20:38

We named DD1 after my mother and DH's grandmother and DD2 after my Aunt and me. Everyone in the family thinks it is lovely.

Your cousin is unhinged!

Ignore and enjoy your lovely baby.

Original poster
BuntCadger · 02/02/2014 18:13

and now I am getting long emails from her Sad I've still not respond red but it appears my sister (one of them) has been stirring things up. I was at the point of changing baby's name this morning as we've not registered him yet. Why the fuck do people have to be do nasty.

OP posts:
Goldmandra · 02/02/2014 18:16

If you change his name aren't you opening the door to future bullying from your family?

Delete the emails and block her.

Call your son the name you chose and announced.

Original poster
BuntCadger · 02/02/2014 18:19

I agree about name but it just feels crappy now. But if I change it then ill always be reminded of how crappy I felt.

her mail is denying any ill meaning regarding name and blaming me for being hormonal.

OP posts:
NewtRipley · 02/02/2014 18:19

This sounds loopy

How has your sister been stirring things up?

Ignore. Enjoy your baby. Don't take responsibility for other people's behaviour. They are entitled to feel how they like but they are not behaving kindly to someone who has just had a baby

NewtRipley · 02/02/2014 18:21

Ah, OK

Do you think she didn't intend to be snippy?

Original poster
BuntCadger · 02/02/2014 18:25

I think she did intend it as wasn't only me who took it that way.

my sister reported back to her on the post I put up that I was deleting the comments.

OP posts:
Original poster
BuntCadger · 02/02/2014 18:26

I think I need to (wo) man up and say f her, she obviously has issues.

OP posts:
TheZeeTeam · 02/02/2014 18:32

Is there any chance she could be on MN and has read this? She would know instantly it was about her and that could also be stirring her up.

I thought it was perfectly normal for extended families to have similar name choices, especially when so many people choose names BECAUSE they're in the family and, therefore, have some form of reasoning behind them.

Original poster
BuntCadger · 02/02/2014 18:34

hadn't thought I'd that zee. Grin ah well she can see what a ridiculous mean cow she's been

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 02/02/2014 18:35

"Sorry to derail but birdsgotofly an adopted cousin is not a cousin-ish, they are a cousin. You know, as much a part of the family with a much right to choose a family name, as the rest of the family."
" but are you suggesting that adopted relatives have less claim over family names? "

In "our" case, my Uncle adopted the older teen children of his GF (who he had been having an affair with) to piss my Aunt off, because she had only produced boys (and one disabled at that).

He has since abandoned them, as well (as his own three). If he had of been close to his Mother, then fair enough, but he only spoke to her to get money out of her. None of them attended her funeral, or visited (he ran back there when he was escaping another affair though) he left our home town when he joined the RAF at 18.

So I can understand, in some circumstances, people feeling peeved, we have never expressed these publicly, though.

The OP's case is different and ridiculous.

KayleeFrye · 02/02/2014 18:35

Seriously? She's 50 with much older children and she has a problem with this.

Laugh it off and ignore. Say to her to take it as a compliment that you clearly admire her choice of names, but that when there's no chance of confusion about which child is meant, given the age differences and how rarely you meet up, then all names are fair to use.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 02/02/2014 18:37

blaming me for being hormonal.
So what's her excuse?

I certainly hope you don't let her put you off your chosen name for DS. She is a big girl now, she must have learned by now we don't always have the power to run other people's lives as we'd like to.

Pippilangstrompe · 02/02/2014 18:57

She sounds nuts. Ignore her. Please don't let her ruin your joy over your baby's name. It is a lovely name.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 02/02/2014 19:01

Wow, that was quite mean of her. The only comment to hearing a new baby's name is "how lovely" or variants of that.

Ignore and do not change his name, it's really nice!

candycoatedwaterdrops · 02/02/2014 19:02

I just read up she called you hormonal? I'd have called her menopausal but then I'm a bitch like that. Grin

Goldmandra · 02/02/2014 19:06

Don't read any more. She sounds toxic and you don't need that when you've just had a baby.

Forget about her and tell us about Zachary Benjamin Smile