To home ed my dd

[Mishmashfamily]

After reading posts and posts about unhappy kids/parents at school I'm really considering it. Also I hate the fact that strangers that are apparently 'in charge' of our educational welfare can dictate when we take our children away, what they are taught ect....

I came out of the school system with nothing and had to learn every thing through college , taking courses. I think I could do a better job.

Would you do it?

After reading posts and posts about unhappy kids/parents at school I'm really considering it.

People don't tend to post when things are hunky dory so in any forum the problems are going to appear more common than they are.

It sounds as though you haven't really looked into local schools etc and are projecting your own experience. You need to be open-minded. If school doesn't end up suiting then you have options but don't assume your child's experience will be your own.

"in school the child learns that even though they may not like someone, they still have to see that person day after day."

This is what really affected me though. It wasn't obvious bullying, it was the subtle digs and jibes that got to me most. And being told just to "ignore it and it will go away" got to me even more. But again, that isn't a reason not to send a child to school, but just one of the possible shortcomings of school. There are pros and cons to both options.

In an ideal world, both options would be seen as equally valid by everyone. Local authorities would have the knowledge and the understanding that home ed is not school, and would be able to work with parents effectively to ensure ALL children have a well rounded education. As it is now, a lot of home educating families don't trust their local authorities to have their best interests at heart, or believe (rightly or wrongly) that home ed is being directly compared with schooling and that doing 'school at home' is the correct method.

As it stands, there will always be children that fall under the radar, whether they are in school or home educated. It would be naive to say that every child who is home educated is better off than they would be in school. But it would also be naive to say that children need school in order to have social skills relevant to the world.

Personally, I feel that at school, it's easy to be in a 'bubble' of only socialising with children your own age, and to see all adults as authority figures that must be obeyed at all times.

Schools have to teach children to be somewhat obedient and compliant, otherwise it's possible no teaching would be done at all. Again, both methods have pros and cons.

My daughter goes to preschool, and will most likely be starting in reception come September. Partly because that's what she wants (as much as a 3 year old can know what they want) and partly because I don't want to let my own bad experience of school cloud my judgement. But I am open to all options, and will home ed if at some point in the future it suits my child best.

I would definitely consider home ed if I didn't have to work, but now the kids are in the school system, I don't think that they, or dh, would be in favour.

"this is a sure fire way to raise yourself some "odd" kids with "ishoos"."

I am certainly an "odd" kid with "ishoos". I went to school, what's your point? In fact, I'd go as far to say that most people with "ishoos" went to school. That doesn't mean that school is a sure fire way to raise odd kids.

I certainly would never consider it for DD1 as I think it would ruin our relationship. She will accept a level of instruction and guidance from teachers and others outside the family that she will not accept from DH or myself. It would turn into a battle of wills, which would be hideous. As a parent I have a good relationship with her, but I really think if I took on the role of teacher (however informal) that would change. I have several friends who say the same so I don't think I'm unusual. I think you really have to look honestly at the dynamics between you and your child before considering this

As a career driven single parent school was my first choice. Sadly my DS is in that category of children that cannot cope in mainstream and is too bright for SS. He's burned his way through three schools while the number of meetings etc has meant I couldn't work. I've bust a gut trying to make it work. We got to the end of year 4 before I finally had to admit defeat with the school system, and it's left us with a LOT of catching up to do. Keeping my child in school would have meant failing him.

Now he does a combination of home ed and online school. Finally he is learning to read fluently, mastering basic arithmetic and he's flying in science. (Online school gives him access to specialist subject teachers in groups of no more than 6). He's covering the national curriculum at last, he couldn't access it at school.

In a perfect world he'd be NT, however given his disabilities school just wasn't the right environment for him to obtain the social skills and academics he'll need to avoid being a lifetime welfare claimant.

I'm now finally able to retrain to a new career that will enable me to work from home.

I do bitterly resent the fact that teachers are not given sufficient training to cater for the large number of ASD/dyspraxic/dyslexic etc children that enter their classrooms. (My own PCGE certainly didn't cover it!). Teacher training needs addressing imho. There is an urgent need for more state run specialist units for these children, however we are at least a generation away from this at the moment.

The current political climate isn't willing to address the needs of this group of pupils at all. Gove is a disaster, but it was Thatcher who reduced the SN content of initial teacher training, so this has been an ongoing problem for decades.

State schools currently churn out 42% who do not achieve 5 A-C GCSE passes, so clearly are not providing an adequate education for every body. Even the politicians admit this, even though I totally disagree with their solutions. Evidence based practice needs to become the educational norm in state schools, not political dogma.

With regards to social skills - he needs to learn those skills that will make him employable as opposed to "de yoof dem" street culture. Home education allows for far greater opportunities for this, than a 30 mins social skills group per week. He'll always be ASD which ever route I choose.

Clearly it works for some and not others . My DS seemed unhappy at school and not working ver productively and rather inspired by the home ed section on mumsnet I mention to my son that some children learn at home instead of school and what did he think of that. "I wouldn't like that at all" was the response and things have greatly picked up at school now so glad I haven't but if he had expressed an interest I might have explored it.

School was not the best for me and have left me with lots of issues some of which still affect me now at 42 (but a bout of therapy a couple of years ago has helped me recognise this and move on .

"Even if a parent is incredibly well-educated and able to home school well, I think that school has a vital ingredient for success that you cannot replicate at home."

Very few of us do try to replicate school at home. That's why we call it home education in the UK, and this is how we make sure it is referred to officially.

Haven't read al the posts. But no YANBU to HE your child IF you

... not sure how that happened ...
IF you are doing for the right reasons; what is best for your child rather than just an I want, I don't like ...
Basing your opinions on posts complaining about school is a huge error. Yes a very few parents have valid concerns about a school - the one their DC attend. But that doesn't mean all schools are bad and wrong for all children. The people with complaints are the ones who post, the ones who are happy rarely do, so you are looking at a very biased picture to make that statement.

A quick message for the people talking about how weird home educated children are:

If your children have absorbed your values about embracing and valuing difference, I wonder how the social opportunities afforded by their school look for children with autism, Down's syndrome, dyspraxia and other disabilities? Pretty shitty I'd imagine. Why, you might even imagine that their parents would consider home educating in order to give their children a childhood in which they can build in skills and confidence rather than being sneered at for six hours a day by people with your values for being different...

You have to pick your school, some are wonderful at integrating SN. I agree with bochead and teachers need training and schools need the money. You can't just put a child with complex needs into a class of 30 and expect one teacher to cope.
My surprise is that anyone expects one size to fit all or be 'better'. Children are all different, some will thrive at home some at school- even within the same family.
I think any discussion about HE should centre on the child and not the parent saying I want..... or I would like.....
It is also a huge mistake to project your own experiences onto your child. They are not you and they are in a different place and time. My father had a hard time at school, it is utterly irrelevant to me- other than he has a fund of stories about it.

I agree that sadly some people don't have a good school for SN to pick in their area.

"It is also a huge mistake to project your own experiences onto your child. They are not you and they are in a different place and time."

I agree with this, and think it's not a good basis to choose home education for your own child.

I don't think the OP is projecting her own experiences onto her dc.
The OP believes she can do a better job than a school and that's a good enough reason to H.ed.
She also has a sound philosophy on not wanting to hand certain responsibilities to a school, many H.ed parents feel like this and opt for H.ed from the start.
There is a certain generalisation that H.ed is really for those who have experienced the system in bad terms. Certainly it is a great move in the cases we read about above, but some people like the OP, myself and others want different or better for our children.

OP doesn't seem to have any experience of school, except her own (unfortunately bad) experiences. Everything has changed in the past ten or twenty years. OP thinks she can do a better job than her own teachers and the terrible ones she reads about- but they aren't the ones teaching her DC.

There are definitely valid reasons to HE, but I don't think your own school experiences count.

PotatoPrints, I don't think the OP is projecting her own experiences onto her dc

Her reason for home educating appears to be that she left school with "nothing" and had to learn everything from courses at college, (as if schools don't follow courses). And despite gaps in some basic knowledge, she thinks she can do a better job.

The OP might very well be able to do a better job, but I think part of doing a good job is knowing what your own gaps are and how to find some way of filling them.

Miaow, I was just thinking that this morning, I don't want my children to become the property of the state and have their heads filled with bollocks. I am seeing how it all pans out after the next election. If he is Sec of State we may stop using state schools, which would be a shame as we have found them better than many independents until he started interfering.

As I read the OP I thought her reasons to home ed were

1. she doesn't want strangers in charge of the welfare (i.e. caring) for her children
2. she doesn't like that she can't take term time holidays
3. she doesn't like that others select the curriculum
4. her own personal of school was not productive.

Some of these are valid reasons to consider HE, others in my mind are not.

Just pondering......

If Gove gets his way and school beomes 9-6 for 45 weeks a year will more parents consider home ed for KS1. I'm not sure I'd have wanted my summer born four year old in the formal environment of school for that length of time, even without any disabilities. At that age especially I was keen to impart my own values and nutrition etc on him. Home ed doesn't have to cover a full school career.

Different models suit different children at different ages. I went to a private secondary school, which I now see as a very different form of provision. A selective public school is nothing like an inner city comp in terms of how education is delivered, neither is Summer Hill. Yet they are both "schools". Home ed varies just as much and I know that the live online lessons that so benefit my child would be loathed by many children. That doesn't make them "wrong".

Surely as parents we just try and do the best we can for our kids, whether that be via the traditional champagne socialist method of purchasing a home in the Ofsted "outstanding" schools catchment area, or via home based autonomous education if that is what we think will suit our individual child best? Children are not sausage factory widgets, and we do them no favours by trying to pretend that they are.

Erm, bochead, of course you're right, but don't assume that schools think children are sausage-factory widgets either, or treat them as such.

I limped out of school in 1976 with two measly O levels to my name and no academic qualifications since.

Last summer, at 14, my son passed IGCSE in Physics and Chemistry at A. The year before he passed Maths at A and he's on track for a few more at least to A grade. It absolutely doesn't follow that uneducated parents can't support their HE children towards high grades

I do wish we could move away from the assumption that HE means sitting at the kitchen table all day, surrounded by books and only ever seeing your immediate family. The HE community is busy, welcoming and full of opportunities, plus we still have access to resources in the wider community. My son has had far greater opportunities by being home educated than he ever could have had through school because his SN restricted him so much back then.

I'd also like to respond to the comment 'just pick a good school'. Oh if only it were that easy! Two schools brutalised my child to the point where his GP feared for his mental health. Those of you who have experienced 'good' schools are extremely lucky because they most certainly aren't all like that. HE is a life saver for many families, and that's no exaggeration.

Official figures give the numbers of home educated children in the UK at upwards of 60,000 and rising each year. The number of local groups available is increasing all the time too. There has to be a reason for that, beyond mere uniformed, ignorant parental pigheadedness.

The internet has made access to tutors, teachers, and information incredibly easy compared to what was available for our own generation. If a child wants to they can now do the American or Australian High School curriculum from the comfort of their living room. They can access an astronomy or agricultural science correspondance igcse course from home, if their school doesn't offer it as an option.

I've met many schooled children who have had tutors in primary school for SATS/11+ or chosen to do a music GCSE at a Saturday centre. I see this as a form of home education that never makes into the official government statistics.

Educational methods and models are changing, just as much as the world of work has in the last two decades. It's up to us as parents to keep up with that and try and choose the best available options for our individual children that we can, given the limited resources we have at our own disposal.

What's right for my family and circumstances may not be right for yours and that's OK. I just wish I'd had more faith in myself when my son was younger as he really suffered for MY need to follow the herd. It was a hard lesson to learn.

I love the post about the children reading Dickens and Seamus Heaney poems of their own volition. It reminds me of the baby led weaners on here whose babies chose mung beans and smoked mackerel. If there are no pop tarts in the cupboard then you can't chose them

They might be rising but they are still only 0.6% and that comes a site that supports and encourages HE.
You can't have much faith in your children if you think that they 'become the property of the state' and you 'can fill their heads with bollocks'. Mine think for themselves, I encouraged them to question everything, starting with me. I would be just as worried if they parroted my views.