To home ed my dd

[Mishmashfamily]

After reading posts and posts about unhappy kids/parents at school I'm really considering it. Also I hate the fact that strangers that are apparently 'in charge' of our educational welfare can dictate when we take our children away, what they are taught ect....

I came out of the school system with nothing and had to learn every thing through college , taking courses. I think I could do a better job.

Would you do it?

BrokenHearted

You are never too old, although I know the choice maybe isn't there now.
I left school with nothing except a spld.
I spent my 30's getting qualified.
walked into my local college and asked to do an NVQ, came out with a PgCE.

I've no problems with home ed, but I do have problems with people saying the kind of socialisation you pick up at school is 'unnatural'. It may be unnatural in a historical context, but it accurately reflects the structure of the workplaces in which the majority of us spend most of our adult life.

I was a HE child and I really don't think I could ever do it to my own DCs.
My mum tried her best but it was hard in many ways.

We all spent a lot of time together and sometimes we really clashed especially in the teenage years when I didn't want to do the work.
It was really hard on my mum when me and my brother went to college because she didn't really have anything else to do. Although we were close when younger as I got older I really resented the amount of time I had to spend with her and the amount of control she had over my life.

Neither me or my DB were very confident socially,I found it so hard to do any sort of public speaking to an audience and my brother just didn't know how to cope when social interactions didn't go his way but he still had to see the person he had fallen out with. We also had to spend some time working out social cues and realise that the teacher and the rest of the class didn't want to hear our questions or our exhaustive knowledge on the subjects she was teaching. We were socialised we went to clubs and we wrote to other HE kids but it wasn't the same because we only saw them for an hour a week or we just stopped writing letters if we got upset with someone.

Also although my DB and I learnt lots of things that weren't on the syllabus and explore our own interests, we didn't know somethings which other people did and for my DB in particular who did all the sciences in college we found that we didn't know some vital things and we had to play catch up.

Don't get me wrong some of it was great, we got to go to loads of different places and have fun but I do wish that I had at least had the chance to try school first and see if I could have managed it.

Surely the answer is for a parent to consider their motives? If, HE is for the child's best interest, both educationally and socially, then that is one consideration, with a positive outcome for that particular child.
However, if, as in the case of brokenhearted and many many others, it is the the parent wanting to exert control over the child, then the risk is that the child is deprived of positive experiences that would have been beneficial in their personal or educational development.

I don't get my 13 year old's maths homework. My degree was English and Spanish from a red brick uni (Cardiff). How the chuff can I teach him all the science subjects he's good at when I got bcc at Chem, Bio, Phys GCSE?? In 19 flaming 4!!

1994, not 1904! ;)

Yes, i think 6tantrumsaday says it. You really need to give your children some sort of say in the matter.

I know a number of kids being home-educated. Some, I suspect will be as angry as you are BrokenHearted because home edding as all about their parents' emotional problems. The kids have no idea about what they have missed yet because they are still so young but at some point in their mid-twenties, when all their mates start building careers with their boring old GCSE grades, it's going to sting.

On the other hand, I know people who have taken their kids out of school and educated them at home because they genuinely believed that they could provide a more rigorous and meaningful educational experience at home. Their kids are as well adjusted as anyone, have excellent qualifications and prospects, and their parents clearly made an excellent choice.

Home edding is a massive responsibility and I have been shocked by how lackadaisical some home-ed parents can be about providing serious opportunities for academic study beyond their own experience. Randomly reading Seamus Heaney at 8 is meaningless. Many kids go to school and access interesting reading matter beyond the classroom.

As others have said, Home educate because you can educate better than school, not because you're scared of school.

No. Never, tempting though it is when fantasising (me not you).

I find people difficult now, at 25, having been in nursery from 3.

Important social skills are developed at school. Not least how to deal with absolute arseholes. The kind we all have to work with one day.

It's very different now isn't it, Caff. Even the methods for working some of the basic maths have changed.

I didn't think bio had changed that much.

YANBU. Giving this serious consideration myself. Our local schools aren't great and the way some of the children behave makes me wonder how they are being raised. It also seems to me that most children have so many expensive gadgets which they don't actually need but are being handed to them on a plate and that the children who don't have these items will get picked on. There's also the whole facebook thing and youngsters being pressurised into having sex and dressing/behaving in an inappropriate manner.

Oh, my sister was home educated from her later teenage years. This was due to severe bullying. She doesn't regret her home ed. days, and was relieved that she wasn't forced to return to the school again (after three attempts). She's a teacher herself nowadays.

My parents didn't have a clue about home education, and both worked full time, but they muddled through.

Gelati you can't HE as a way to shield your DC from the Wicked Ways of the World. You can do your children a service by teaching them to find their way in that world. They'll have to deal with real life sometime.

Can't reply to everything written but just wanted to add my little bit...

I was home educated for the later half of my school aged life and I truly believe I wouldn't have half of what I have now if I had stayed in school.

My confidence soared within weeks of leaving school and I can and do work with people of all ages and backgrounds very well. I think I would have found this harder if I had stayed at school and not had the chances I had.

Also re. Educating to high levels - parents do not have to be A* knowledgeable on a subject for their children to attain these grades! Most of my GCSE grades were achieved without my parents telling me the answers to questions so I could memorise facts and pass exams! I had to find answers for myself using resources such as libraries, the internet, a distance tutor etc. and then actually learn the subject.
I achieved an A* in a subject my mother hadn't even heard of

Re. Dropping out of school/dropping out of work or other 'hard' things. It is a common misconception that HE kids will 'give up' on hard things as they did on school... But it's rubbish. I have worked with job seekers my age in my career and personally I have found a lot of fresh school leavers seriously lacking in motivation, morale etc. which tbh I have never had a problem with myself. I didn't go through the traditional university route after GCSEs, I got a job. Then I worked my way up. I was in management before I was 20 years old and i don't think this should be unusual! a lot of teenagers out there have so much potential and it is sad to see them thinking that the only way to be successful is to a long slog through the education system which is not at all suitable for most people.

Some people do fine at school, some love it, it is the best option for many children and teens. But not all. It is the only option for many and people who can't home educate will defend their choices as much as those who can and do.

I could go on but I won't. I will end by quoting Beatrix Potter

"Thank God my parents didn't send me to school, it would have rubbed off some of the originality"

Night night xx

I think sweeping generalisations about HE by some on here are ignorant to say the least.
It works brilliantly for some, not so much for others so much like school really.

My GP was home educated and I have a solicitor friend who was also. Both are confident, intelligent people with no hang ups.

I had to laugh at the earlier post pulling the OP up on her ability to teach her children because of her use of 'etc..' This board is full of threads about the mistakes teachers make!

My children are bright and enthusiastic. They have a great mix of friends and acquaintances of all ages and move happily in circles with much younger and much older children. They are happy socialising with adults and quite confident in day to day life. They are doing very well learning a variety of subjects, are active and enjoy a wide mix of activities and sports plus music.
They go to school.

Home educating your children is a bad idea for the same reason that psychoanalyzing your own children is forbidden. They need to meet and learn to work with different adults.
However, I do think it can work well for younger children if you make them work and give them good study skills.

I went to school. I really struggle with making friends and social situations. I was bullied at primary school by the head's daughter which may or may not have affected me. I'm painfully shy.

School did not teach me to be sociable. But that's an anecdote. I certainly wouldn't think to say that because of my experience that school is a terrible place to send kids and by doing so is setting them up for a lifetime of failure. Because that would be ridiculous and lazy.

School works for some kids and fails others. I know so many people who say they were "rubbish at school" and think that they are stupid. I'm sure HE works well for some in exactly the same way.

I think that a lot can depend on the ages of your children and their abilities.
I have one much older than the others and it was very hard to give him time with toddlers and babies. Even the summer holidays were difficult and he used to go on Scout camp or activities just so that he could do something at his level. He had grown out of bucket and spade holidays when the little ones were in the thick of them. The little ones would have missed out because we couldn't have gone to toddler groups etc when I had one too old ,but too young to leave alone at home. Friends were difficult because those with babies and toddlers didn't want a much older child tagging along ( not that he would have wanted to tag along) and those with older children didn't want the constraints of babies and toddlers on outings. .
The younger ones would never have got the lovely time on their own with me, they would always have had a sibling.
I think that both sides could have ended up resenting each other, rather than the lovely relationship they have now as adults. I couldn't meet the needs of both, at the same time, all the time. I didn't try.
Even the younger ones are as different as chalk from cheese, I would have torn myself in two because they didn't want the same things. They have totally different learning styles. The younger is much quicker to grasp things than the older, that would be demoralising for the elder and obvious in the home environment whereas it was hidden in different classes.
I have a friend like you brokenhearted she feels very left out of any discussions about childhood and never mentions that she was HEed, she feels it made her odd and she hated the experience and feels that it blighted her opportunities for career choice. She would have had to get the right qualifications later, and the time was never right so she never got where she wanted.
I think you have to be very sure of yourself as a parent and be very sure that your children will agree with you. I am not sure and I wouldn't take such a radical step (0.6% of the population) in case they were not happy with my decision as adults. I would feel differently if I 'rescued' them from a dire situation in school because I would be sure they were grateful. Very different from deciding not to send them because I didn't want to send them.
I am also an arts based person, one of mine did Science at university and there is no way I could have coped. Although arts based I am no artist and I couldn't have taught my child who has a career as an artist. He needed to be taught how to do life drawings etc. Yes, he could have gone to classes, but why when they were on offer for free at school, given by people who had experience in exams, knew how to present a portfolio etc.
Above all I guess I am selfish. I had a child in school for 24 yrs and I would have been bored! The eldest would have got the fresh enthusiasm, the youngest would have got me counting my days to freedom and the new beginnings.

I honestly so wanted to do this. I thought about it. But ds is in his reception year in a good school and adores it. I would not take it away from him now. He is surrounded by his friends all day and is a confident, popular class member, knows most of the older children already and they seem to love him back.

He was the quietest little boy ever around strangers. He was only ever comfortable at home. His nursery school told me he lacked confidence so I pulled him out. I discussed my pastoral concerns on a home visit with his reception class teachers and, I don't know what magic wand they have waved, but he is doing amazingly well, socially and academically. He is also a late August baby. I had read all the concerns on here about August babies and thought home ed would be the way to go. I'm glad, so far, that I have school a chance.

Even if a parent is incredibly well-educated and able to home school well, I think that school has a vital ingredient for success that you cannot replicate at home. in school the child learns that even though they may not like someone, they still have to see that person day after day. As a form tutor, I can see that kids develop coping skills to deal with this and it prepares them for life. I just don't think a child would develop this skill at home.

I would have loved to Home Ed. I find it absolutely fascinating and spent hours and hours daydreaming about it. But we saw how our children loved pre-school and then school. If any of children wanted to take a year or more out of school later on in life I wouldn't hesitate to allow it.

I don't think this is the best option for your children.

Blind leading the blind is what springs to mind and as someone else noted, your reasons for this option are negative - this is a sure fire way to raise yourself some "odd" kids with "ishoos".

I also think that adults see things differently from children-HEers go on a lot about 'wasting time', but as a child I loved that, it was a great way to study human nature, have a chat, think, get onto different things. I can't see that it any different from home. I need time out just 'to be', I don't want to be 'productive' the whole time.