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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To exclude DS3 from the parties?

102 replies

AnneWentworth · 31/01/2014 14:19

Ds1 (8) and DS2 (6) are having birthday parties this weekend, both have asked that DS3 (3almost) goes to GPs and I feel bad for him.

He is hard work and despite our best efforts does interfere with them an awful lot. I am doing both parties at home by myself and DS1 is having a quite grown up party with a small group of friends that I can see it would be difficult to have DS3 at - and he wouldn't be able to take part.

DS2 though us having the standard pass the parcel affair and he would enjoy it and it feels sad to exclude him from this one. It would be tricky though as I would be doing the games and have to keep an eye etc if he wanders off.

Part if me feels like they often give in to DS3 so if they want it to be just their friends then that is ok but I also think he would love being involved.

OP posts:
zzzzz · 31/01/2014 14:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
AnneWentworth · 31/01/2014 14:52

He will have a fab time and we will have some cake when he gets back plus the a dual birthday days.
I won't ask them to contribute.

OP posts:
Chocotrekkie · 31/01/2014 14:56

Mine is nearly 8 now - she is getting much better (slowly).

Her teacher described her as "a fiery character" - at least they know her.

HeadfirstThroughTheTimeVortex · 31/01/2014 14:57

I would send him to his GPs, he can get them all to himself and get spoiled.

There's a big difference between a 2 yo and 6/8 yo's.

hippo123 · 31/01/2014 14:57

I wouldn't think twice about sending your 3 year old to his gp's. I'll be doing the same with my 3 year old soon. Surely everyone will be happier.

SparkleSoiree · 31/01/2014 14:58

Family celebrations here include all the family, regardless of their personality and how much attention they need. We ensure any potential issues are managed in our home so that others are not disadvantaged and our youngest is very demanding with ASD.

If any of my children asked for another to be sent away for a party I would personally be upset as I feel nobody should be excluded for the benefit of one person unless for a very good reason. If it's an outside event where a physical activity will be happening and a child is excluded for H&S reasons then that's a different issue altogether.

Aniseeda · 31/01/2014 15:03

I think your older DC are being entirely reasonable.

2 year olds can be hard work in situations where they are not the focus of all the attention (and even when they are!) and it's quite understandable that the older ones want to just enjoy their parties in peace.

Hopefully by next year, he will have calmed down a lot and be able to join in the fun.

Let him go and have a lovely time at Granny's.

curlew · 31/01/2014 15:05

"If any of my children asked for another to be sent away for a party I would personally be upset as I feel nobody should be excluded for the benefit of one person unless for a very good reason"

I think being 2 at an 8 year old's party is an excellent reason. Or will the 8 year old have to include his 10 year old brother in his 16th birthday party?

SparkleSoiree · 31/01/2014 15:07

Curlew I think age is irrespective. If you are having a party at home then it's a family event. My three children are 21, 13 and 6 and they have always celebrated birthdays with each other when parties have been held at home.

MerryMarigold · 31/01/2014 15:10

Sparkle, it really does depend on the party. A 6yo boy at a party of 21yo girls would be very odd. If you have parties with friends and families, with a variety of ages and sexes then everyone mingles and it's fine.

HavantGuard · 31/01/2014 15:11

There's obviously good reason for them to ask you this. I agree about making your DS3 feel he's having a special time himself.

Preciousbane · 31/01/2014 15:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SparkleSoiree · 31/01/2014 15:18

MerryMarigold Why would it be odd if they are family? Having had many parties over the years of differing ages from 1 through to 60 I cannot understand why it would be odd. I agree that if there is a specific event for the party that is inappropriate for a younger child to be at for H&S reasons then yes but if it's merely to make things easier for everyone else then I don't think that's a good enough reason to exclude a child from a party that is being held at home. My daughter was 13 in November, had 6 girlfriends sleep over and my 6yr old DD was here too and for a while, before it was time for the younger one's bedtime, the older girls had fun with my younger DD and included her in their fun for a while. Nothing in appropriate at all in any of it and my elder DD certainly didn't feel like she wanted DD to be excluded from what was going on.

Infact I cannot think of one party in my life, where there has been a differening age range, where a younger child has spoiled it for whoever's birthday it was.

I accept people do things differently and if it works for the OP then that's great but I still feel it's unreasonable.

MrsCakesPremonition · 31/01/2014 15:19

Send him to his GPs - tell him that he is going to have a very special treat, work with his GPs so that may be he gets to choose his favourite tea, or play a game he really loves. Basically make him feel that he is going to have a fantastic time and that his older siblings have pulled the short straw by having to stay home and go to boring old parties.

Sell it to him.

MrsCakesPremonition · 31/01/2014 15:21

(I sent my 5yo DS for a sleepover at his GPs when my 10yo DD had her ultra girly, very fiddly jewellery making party, because he would have got in the way and shouted "poo head" at the girls.)

ThePigOfHappiness · 31/01/2014 15:22

Sparkle I totally agree. It's so strange to me to send a family member away for a celebration.

Original poster
AnneWentworth · 31/01/2014 15:56

This isn't a family party though it is a friends party and DH will also be absent.

OP posts:
JohnnyUtah · 31/01/2014 16:02

Let's be honest, two year olds can be a pain in the arse. I mean, we love them when they are our own, but still. Send him off tp GPs, it's a win- win situation.

DanceParty · 31/01/2014 16:09

OP has already said that they will be having a family party, so I see no reason why the little one should not be sent away for the other parties.
Win win all round!

curlew · 31/01/2014 16:10

If it was a family celebration then of course everyone should be included. But this isn't a family celebration- it's
a party for friends.

ENormaSnob · 31/01/2014 16:14

I would send him no problems.

A family party is differen to a party with mates.

jacks365 · 31/01/2014 16:14

While I agree that it's not a family party I do feel it is wrong to include one sibling and exclude the other that to me is where the unfairness comes in to it.

MrsDavidBowie · 31/01/2014 16:16

Sounds as if he's just be a nuisance.....let your children enjoy their parties with their friends.

flatmum · 31/01/2014 16:16

I think that is very mean. I have 3 ds similar ages and they all go to each others parties, within reason.

HoratiaDrelincourt · 31/01/2014 16:18

If they were going to Laser Quest or similar age-restricted activity you'd find him something else to do. I think in the context of a generally inclusive family, a disruptive toddler (us too) and family celebrating at another time, this plan is utterly reasonable.

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