to fee ever so sad about this?

[shockedandupset]

We had parents eve/mock results day today, and my DS did astoundingly badly. He is a clever boy, has a tutor for several subjects (who considers him A/A* standard, which is where DS thought he was). His results were Cs and Ds.

To hear his teachers speak was like discussing another child. Their attitude was he might get a B if he works hard - but that won't be enough to get him onto A level courses.

DS is now doing extra work in his room, I am in tears and have been since I got back from the school. I just can't believe it. It felt like a horrible dream as I sat there with them all telling me what a failure my DS is. I feel heartbroken :(

[Xenadog]

OP, I have a genuine question which I hope you don't think is rude but is your ds really as bright as both you and he think? I say this as a very experienced secondary teacher where I have occasionally taught children where they and their DPs thought they were much more able than they were.

I believe you need to book a proper appointment with your son's head of year/tutor and discuss why these results are so disappointing. If your ds just isn't top grade material then you can only encourage him to do his best but if something has gone wrong then he needs support to get back on track.

BTW your tutor doesn't sound up to the job, always go for an experienced teacher and ideally one who examines for the syllabus/board your son is covering.

[RachaelAgnes]

My daughter has just started her A levels, having gained mainly B and C grades, the A grades she got were not in the subjects she is now studying.
I found the easiest way to support her when she was worrying was to tell her it wasn't all about those exams. She could take her GCSEs and get low grades, and if that was the case, she could go back for another year and re-sit. I also reminded her that results show how well teachers teach, not necessarily how she learns!
It might not have been the right way to go about it but it took the pressure off her completely.

[jeee]

OP, you didn't have a parents evening in year 10. But presumably you had reports? Which presumably included predicted grades/current performance? Is your son's current position in line with this? Because if so, it's surely not a surprise.

And I really can't believe that your son won't be able to do A-levels without A's. I think that this is something you can help with, without getting too tiger-mummyish about. Contact all sixth forms, find out about places.... don't just take your son's word for it. Children (and adults, actually) tend to only hear what they want to hear. If you know that he still has options, even without fabulous GCSE results, you'll feel better, and so you'll be better able to support your son.

A piece of advice I always give to my children is that your future is never decided by one set of exam results, no matter how important they seem at the time. Not that I would have believed it at 16, or 18, or 21. And I don't expect my children to believe it either. But as an adult, I know that it's true.

[dayshiftdoris]

Love the way that all the vitriol has been dumped on the OP when the school's role in this is largely ignored...

Here's a boy who entered the school as a high achiever and has worked... His study skills, etc might be a bit off but no more than his peers and he's even had a tutor yet somehow he's under achieving and his teachers were more than willing to write him off in front of him at this late stage.

Something is really off here - my friend with GCSE age children have printouts of charts and all sorts relating to attainment and predicted grades every half term.
Why haven't you had? Either school hasn't had it or DS isn't giving it to you...

You need to speak to school ASAP and start asking questions about what they have done and what your son is up to at school

[Chippednailvarnish]

Any parent who hasn't had any contact with school from year 9 parents evening until year 11, can't really claim to be that involved with their child.


Either the school are hopeless (and I've never heard of a school not having at least an annual parents evening) or the son has been deceiving her. Either way the OP should have been more on the ball.

[halfwildlingwoman]

Most of my students go up a grade between the mocks and the real thing. Partly because they have seen how much revision is needed and partly because I can see their mistakes and work out what technique and knowledge needs working on. Also, they are 5 months more mature, which is a lot at 15/16. If he admits that he didn't revise then he stands a good chance of improving a whole grade.
Did he get 5s in his SATs? They are a rough guide really, but broadly speaking, if he did, he is capable of As. If not, then not.
I am given target grades at the start of Year 10 for my GCSE class and I am obliged morally, if not yet legally, to give them the best opportunity to achieve that target grade. If your son got 5s in his SATs, his target grades should be A and if the teachers are not expecting him to achieve that and working towards it with him, it just isn't good enough. and you need to get pushy with the school.
You need to ditch the tutor. Only have a tutor who knows the syllabus and has taught it, not a clever undergraduate.

[shockedandupset]

The position wrt 6th forms is what I know - nothing DS has told me. I have looked at them in detail - unfortunately as mentioned above the good schools require As. The less good schools will accept a B (but no lower) BUT as they offer places on proximity, and we are not nearby, DS is unlikely to get a place.

I haven't had reports - one teacher referred to sending something home at Easter (I didn't see it). That appears to have been the last update in that subject. I have emailed the school and requested a meeting asap with his HoY to go through his grades and try to establish a way forward.

I probably should have insisted on being provided with info from the school earlier. That's my mistake.

[jeee]

If the school has not sent out any information for over a year, I think it's a matter for OFSTED.

Honestly, if you have received any reports about your son in this time frame either the school is at fault, or your son is intercepting paperwork. Either way, you need to flag this up.

[shockedandupset]

I probably haven't been that on the ball. But working long FT hours as a single parent with no support network isn't easy. DS has no father, it's just me.

He got 5s at KS2 - one of the teachers mentioned that last night and said that meant a B at GCSE.

[guishagirly]

Do you think your son could have hidden the report at Easter? It sounds highly unusual for a school not to report so close to GCSEs.

You might need to have a word with your son.

[JuliaScurr]

Dd's school assess the current grade, target by year end and final target. So she's expected to improve gradually over time

[KitZacJak]

Poor you and him. It must have been a shock. It sounds like maybe the tutor is not that experienced. Could you get hold of a more experienced tutor that has actually been a teacher in the past to help him a bit?

[DeWe]

One of the people I was in the 6th form with was caught out when his parents mentioned to the head they thought there ought to have been an Easter term report. There was, but he'd hidden it as it was bad. Oops!

For those who are saying "academia doesn't matter" to the OP. There's a huge difference to a parent being upset because they are achieving C/D/E when the teachers are saying "if they'd worked we'd be talking about A/B" and one where the teachers are saying "he's worked amazingly hard and will achieve his best".

We can't tell from the OP whether she has unrealistic expectancy of her ds, or whether he's been lazy and isn't achieving what he should be.
If it's the former, then she needs to make sure he's aware that she's proud of him whatever. If it's the latter, then it's not dreadful for him to be aware that she's disappointed.

The best thing is for her to discuss with the school whether they feel he should be doing better, or whether he is achieving what they have felt is correct all along. If he's dropped from his initial expectation, then she can ask when and why.

I doubt the tutor necessarily knows. I know that I don't know how to level dc despite having seen my dc work and what level they're at. I can see something and think it's good, but it turns out not to be anything as good as another that doesn't look as good to me.

[jacks365]

I do wonder op whether you also misunderstood what the school meant when they had previously said he was working at a C, that doesn't mean thats what he would achieve at that point but that if he continued working at the same level over the full course he would achieve a C. To give you some hope though 2 years ago I was in a similar position with my dd and A levels, basically one subject tutor told her she was wasting her time trying as she wouldn't get the increase in grades she needed - she did it though. Same tutor has just told her sister that no students have increased grades between AS and A levels ever so she's ignoring his comments about it and putting the work in she has gone up from an E to A

If your son is capable with encouragement and support he'll do it but I agree a uni student isn't right.

[JuliaScurr]

make use of eg BBC Bitesize, Doc Brown etc at home

[GlitzAndGiggles]

The college I attended requested grades A/B to even be considered. The best grade I got was a D in GCSES! It was my fault for not revising and studying. Anyway after pleading and proving myself the college I was accepted on the course. Contact the sixth forms directly

[MrsRuffdiamond]

Quite at some of the nasty comments on here. What parent doesn't feel sad for their dc's awful disappointments?

Definitely not too late to turn things around, op. My bright, but basically lazy (takes after me!) ds was introduced to the possible benefits of revision by BBC GCSE Bitesize. Just what it says - manageable chunks of revision, covering the Syllabi (??) of all the main GCSE subjects. It makes it seem more do-able, somehow.

He managed straight Bs, which was fantastic, considering the doom-mongering of some of his teachers, and was lucky enough to get into a good 6th Form which required min. 6Bs. It is unfortunate that the 6th forms in your area seem to have high entry requirements, but even if he has to stay at his current school, I shouldn't write it off, as you may find that he does much better, like my ds, once he has ditched the crappy subjects he hates!

As posters have pointed out, there's a world of difference between your dc achieving a certain grade having worked their socks off (in which case of course it's a cause for celebration whatever the grade), and achieving a grade well below what you know their capability to be, due to coasting!

Good luck

[MrsRuffdiamond]

Oops! X post with Julia. Bitesize is good, though!

[halfwildlingwoman]

OK then. He should be capable of As then. You are not being pushy to go and say this to the HOY.
Obviously, it depends on the subject and reading age/IQ test but generally, 4 at KS2 = predicted B, 5 at KS2 =predicted A. 6 at KS3 =predicted B, 7 at KS3 =predicted A. If his end of Year 9 report had 7s on it, the school really are failing him, regardless of his responsibilities. It sounds crap TBH.
However, he can turn this round. I completely agree that academia isn't everything, but it would be a damn shame if he didn't fulfill his potential.
I also think a Year 10 report has gone missing somewhere.

[LuckyBitches]

YANBU! I've nothing much to add to what's already been said on here, but I'm shocked by some of the bullying posts on here.

[NurseRoscoe]

OP, the thing with AIBU is that others WANT people to be unreasonable, they come on here wanting to reply to petty silly posts where the OP is being a complete nob to express bitchiness disguised as 'honesty' that they have to suppress in real life. This may of been better placed on the secondary education board.

You are not being unreasonable to want your son to achieve his dreams, maybe a bit unreasonable for crying in front of him. They are only mocks, hopefully it has given him the kick up the bum he needed for the real thing. He may pull it out of the bag then, if not then you should focus your energy on comforting him and helping him to find a plan B as close to his chosen career as possible.

[casperandjasper]

Hi op,

First off don't panic.
Although it might not feel like it at the moment, you and DS will get through this. My DS2's college required a min of 4 x B grade GCSEs to enrol on A level courses otherwise it was a BTEC course. DS2 achieved the grades he needed and is now doing AS. BUT what I didn't know (cos I didn't go to Uni) and have only found out whilst researching is that a lot of Uni's accept BTECs for entrance. You need to do some research and find out what quals the Uni's require for the courses your DS might be interested in.
Best of luck to you and DS, having just been through this with my DS I know how worrying it is.

[cjel]

Nurse You say that those disagreeing and saying she is being unreasonable have something they are suppressing in real life. I can assure my saying she is BU is because I think it is the best way forward to make sure she is realistic. Then you go on to say 'Maybe a bit unreasonable for crying in front of him' What are you suppressing!!!!

[shockedandupset]

rse, I take your point re the secondary ed board! However, I've got a thick skin honed over many years and the odd snidey comment in among the helpful ones doesn't bother me.

I also think there's a fine line between being realistic with DS, and myself, and stifling his ambition. I knew at the age of 11/12 I wanted to go to Cambridge, my parents never dissuaded me from it or told me I couldn't do it. Not a single teacher in my 6th form supported my application or considered me Cambridge material. I had a backup plan of course (insurance offer, then clearing places, then if all else failed my ultimate backup was a B Ed degree at Q Marys Strawberry Hill which I could get onto with 2 Es..) But the fact my parents told me to try, even if my school didn't, was vitally important. Had my parents said ' be realistic' like my school did, I doubt I'd even have applied.

DS has a backup, there are resits, alternative careers which don't depend on a degree - if possible though I'd like him to have the chance to go to uni, not least because I was the first in my family to get there.

[shockedandupset]

Sorry that should say nurse!