to fee ever so sad about this?

[shockedandupset]

We had parents eve/mock results day today, and my DS did astoundingly badly. He is a clever boy, has a tutor for several subjects (who considers him A/A* standard, which is where DS thought he was). His results were Cs and Ds.

To hear his teachers speak was like discussing another child. Their attitude was he might get a B if he works hard - but that won't be enough to get him onto A level courses.

DS is now doing extra work in his room, I am in tears and have been since I got back from the school. I just can't believe it. It felt like a horrible dream as I sat there with them all telling me what a failure my DS is. I feel heartbroken :(

[LondonBus]

If DS 1 got all Bs in his Gcse's I would be weeping. If DS2 got all B's I would do a happy dance for weeks.
The op is allowed to think her ds is failing if he isn't achieving what he potentially could.
I do wonder his experienced the tutors are though , op.

[PavlovtheCat]

YABU. I agree with the poster who said your DS should not be in his room cramming. Can't you give him a break? just today? You wanted him to go from A to A*, and didn't notice that his level is C/D? And that makes him a failure? FFS, get over yourself. You are putting so much pressure on your DS, with tutors, extra homework, crying because he won't get where you want him to be (you think). What about what he wants? what he thinks? How he feels about this? Right now?

Get A Grip.

[Facebaffle]

If you haven't had a parents evening since year 9, what contact have you had from the school regarding his progress? Surely he would have been given some indication about the level/grade he's been working at.

We had a parents evening in November and have just had another one to discuss the mock results and plan a revision timetable.

No wonder you're disappointed if you've been thinking he's a grade A student and the reality is very different.

[zombiesheep]

Are people on here serious? I am 19, two years ago I did a mock psychology A level. I got an E. The lowest of the low. I worked at my actual A levels not the mocks and got an A for A level psychology. Don't panic so much.

[shockedandupset]

The degree course he wants to do is hugely competitive. Yes, there are other options, of course there always are. But I know DS, he is clever, and I just want him to achieve his potential, which honestly is A not C or D.

He admits btw he did no revision. I understand this, I was similarly lazy myself (but in my case, it didn't catch up with me til uni when I was, frankly, lucky to get 2.2). I feel guilty for letting him down, and not doing more. I should've seen this coming.

[zombiesheep]

I cannot believe you have been crying. Dramatic much

[ClaudiusGalen]

Students tend to do worse on mocks because they don't take them as seriously as the real thing. However, you cannot take the word of a uni student that your DS is at A/A* standard. Interpreting markschemes is a tricky job. I team lead for an awarding body at GCSE and I still have to think twice sometimes when marking answers.

What are your son's teachers saying about why he is underachieving? If they are saying he might get a B if he works hard, is he not working hard at the moment? I have known students with a tutor think that they don't have to work in lessons because they are being tutored. Is it his knowledge or technique that needs to improve?

We are told to be brutal at Year 11 Parents' Evening - there is no point sugar coating it as the truth will out in August, and at the moment there is still time to do something about it.

[wonderstuff]

I got Bs and Cs at GCSE, I got an ACC at Alevel and a 2:1 at a decent uni (Sussex) it did mean that top drawer unis were off the agenda, and that some graduate schemes demanded higher grades but I got interviewed for civil service fast track and legal services commission, I ended up teaching, hardly complete failure. A requirement to get an A at GCSE before studying Alevel seems extreme. I agree with Wally that I would be considering the pressure at these 6th forms, A levels are more demanding.

[zombiesheep]

How are you letting him down? Let him get on with it, it's got nothing to do with you.

[PavlovtheCat]

No wonder you're disappointed if you've been thinking he's a grade A student and the reality is very different why hasn't the OP talked to the school to back up the tutor's views, or, even better talk to her son about it. How can you go so long with such wrong expectations? I don't get how you wouldn't have some idea.

And if it's that he is academically gifted but not great at exams, then you should not that too?

[Financeprincess]

Not everybody can be clever. Try not to put so much pressure on your son, and on yourself. Your tutor was clearly wrong. Let your son find his own way.

I was intrigued to read a post suggesting that you should ask the school what they are going to do about it ("it" presumably being the low grades). What are they expected to do? They are teaching your son. They can't work miracles and raise his attainment by three grades.

[LondonBus]

I get term lay updates onto DSs levels..... Have you not had any update in the past year?

[claraschu]

I would also look at a few schools, as requiring all As and Bs is quite selective.

I would comfort your son, and tell him that if he really wants something and is willing to work hard he can always get it (he could even do A levels a year later if necessary).

My neighbour's son got an E in his English mock, and ended up with an A after a moderate amount of tutoring with a qualified teacher who understood the exam system.

Your tutor may be very nice and even a good tutor, but not the best person to teach him how to get the grades he wants (as opposed to teaching the subject, which he may do very well). Your son needs help from someone who can show him how to work the system, so it has to be a tutor with experience in dealing with the whole exam preparation process.

Good luck. I don't blame you for being upset, but tell your son that you are going to help him to do what he wants, and that he CAN do it and you 100% believe in him.

[PansOnFire]

YANBU, you're disappointed and rightly so. But you need to do some damage limitation now before your DS starts thinking he is a failure and begins to behave like one. Be proactive, there are a few months left until the exams and you need to do the following:

Speak to your DS and find out which subjects he thinks he is struggling in and why he thinks this is.
For maths and English, recall what his ks2 level was - the school should be expecting 3 levels of progress, basically a 5a equates to an A-A*. If you are armed with this information the school can't continue to let him coast along.
Speak to the subject teachers, find out what his last assessments were, how he could improve them and what is expected of him next. You also need clear feedback on what a areas for development are so that you can give them to the tutor to ensure they are on the same page with regards to your DS's progress.
Ask the school what they are doing about it!
Then set aside time to get a revision timetable together so that your DS makes the best use of his time, it's the only way to make revision very effective.
If there appears to be an issue with his attitude, request he is put on report so that it can be monitored.
Speak to the teachers again at the beginning of next half term when the next lot of assessments will have been done, then they can give you an idea of what is happening and whether things are improving. If they aren't then keep on at the school about what they are doing to support.

Now go and speak to your DS, tell him it's not too late and that you are there to help and support him. In addition, the tutor may very we'll be right about his ability. However, it's the way students answer the questions rather than having general intelligence so it could be his exam technique which is causing the lower than expected grades.

[wonderstuff]

Ok so firstly this is a wake up, the reason mocks are done is so mistakes can be made before the real thing, still lots of time to revise.

Secondly if he is looking a a hugely competitive degree course he needs a plan B, not because plan a is off the table but because sometimes not everything goes to plan and it's always wise to have a back-up.

[shockedandupset]

And yes, of course I know it's all relative.

I was a very clever child. I never worked, and sailed through GCSE and A level and got onto a highly competitive Oxbridge degree course.

I have never automatically expected that for DS, I know he has to plow his own furrow. I've never pushed him, he only started with the tutor 2 months ago, just to help his confidence with exams and because we both - he and I - thought it would boost his chances of good grades, especially with him having decided on his potential degree/career path.

[zoezebraspartydress]

This poor boy is under so much pressure. It sounds like you really want the best for him, OP, but you're focusing on academic achievement to the exclusion of everything else. This is his childhood. And it's also his relationship with you - you're not being very supportive, even if you think you are.

I was a year ahead of my age in school. Straight A's at GCSE. Wanted to study medicine. Got a B in one of my A-levels (by then was very depressed, anorexic, and the pressure getting to me. parents wouldn't speak to me and asked me not to tell anyone my results. Didn't want me to resit, as their friends would know I'd "failed". Said "we don't wash our dirty linen in public".

As a result, did a course I was totally unsuited for, dropped out in my third year, disappointed them even further. Took a year out, tried another course, spent a year ion a psychiatric hospital before going to a bog standard University and getting a first class degree in a bog standard subject, which I've done nothing with since. I have no contact with my parents these days, our relationship totally destroyed.

Please put your relationship with your son and his overall wellbeing above his GCSE results.

[cjel]

For goodness sake. Just because you think he is clever doesn't mean he will achieve As. His potential may not be the grades you think. You have got him a tutor already which suggests you are putting pressure on him. If he wanted to do what you say he does he would have been working for himself. A person who really wanted to do well would revise. I don't know what you think there is that you can do?

You sound very pushy and not listening at all. I have two dcs(30 and 29) have mentored teenagers and counselled them and I can't tell you how different your ds would be talking about all this to someone else. I bet the 'plan' is what you have suggested and he feels the expectation of your desire. Back off and let him do what he is able and happy doing. You can't 'do more' Its his life.

[WitchWay]

zoezebra that's awful

[shockedandupset]

The teachers were generally quite vague about what he could do, 'revise more and you'll get a B' was about the sum of it. Apart from the one who said he'd get a D, and was very unwilling to concede it was in any way possible he'd do better.

One teacher suggested some work for DS to do before half term, and that he'd update me on DSs progress then (which was good I thought). The others mostly said let's see how you're getting on at easter, which is worryingly far off I feel.

I need to sleep on it tonight, read this through calmly in the morning and then contact school, tutor, etc.

[cjel]

so sad ZOE. OP I've had teenagers at a street outreach bring me their results certificate which they were thrilled with and wanted to share the success as their parents had been disappointed with them for, it really is horrid, Like Zoe I see them 20 years on and they still haven't forgotten how kind I was and how excited for them compared to their home. Don't be that parent.

[PavlovtheCat]

you need to go give your son a huge and tell him you love him.

[shockedandupset]

Cjel, you're utterly wrong.

Most people in our area tutor their kids from age 8. My son has never had a tutor. It was his idea - we did some mindmapping about his future where (on the advice of a close friend who is a teacher) I got him to think about aspirations, goals etc. As part of that I asked what he felt would help him towards his goals, he said a tutor. So I got him one.

Fwiw, I never revised above the bare minimum, nothing to do with my aspirations, more because I never thought I needed to. I was lucky that I got away with it.

[Financeprincess]

I think it's very unlikely that the teachers at your son's school are deliberately wishing low grades on him, as you seem to be suggesting. They are trying to be realistic with you.

This thread reminds me why I feel sorry for teachers! Haven't they got enough to do without being expected to devise individual study plans for kids who aren't as bright as their parents wish they were?

[Chippednailvarnish]

I was a very clever child. I never worked, and sailed through GCSE and A level and got onto a highly competitive Oxbridge degree course.

Shame your wonderful, easily gained educational has only equipped you to place your son in a school that you claim has low standards.

You don't appear to be taking any notice of the constructive advice on this thread OP, I'm starting to very sorry for your son.