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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with DP when he lays in bed offering 'his advice' while I'm up with crying baby

26 replies

Hotmad · 30/01/2014 06:51

She woke up at 6am for feed and was very upset for this feed, crying..... Not taking it..... I'll have to try infacol or gripe water next time as I think it's bad trapped wind. Anyway, my DP in bed all cosy days things like, 'maybe your hurting her back keep rubbing and patting it 100 times'
I'm actually winding her as it's the only thing that seems to help her is when i rub and pat her back. Also he then said, ' I'm not gonna get back to sleep now am I?'
Err hello? What about me?
Would these comments annoy anyone else? Or am I just newborn baby tired?

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 30/01/2014 06:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Hotmad · 30/01/2014 06:58

No work at moment for him no, he does do house stuff like washing up and cooking dinner

OP posts:
underachievingmum · 30/01/2014 06:59

It would annoy me - and he would likely be invited to try the sofa!!

FWIW me and DH both up since 6am but we have 3dc who like early starts and need lunches etc!!

SanityClause · 30/01/2014 07:03

Once the baby was fed (assuming you are BFing) I would hand her over to him to settle, once he started with the advice. And don't give advice to him, no matter how much you are tempted.

headoverheels · 30/01/2014 07:03

When I had a breastfeeding newborn and DH was off work on paternity leave, I fed the baby and DH was responsible for winding and settling him. Could you suggest that? It really needs to be a joint effort at this stage when you're so tired.

MinesAPintOfTea · 30/01/2014 07:24

Let him do it then. He needs to learn the practical part of parenting which is definitely sorting the crying baby at a time you'd rather be sleeping.

Pollydon · 30/01/2014 07:30

YADNBU, he is being twattish

MoominsYonisAreScary · 30/01/2014 07:35

Yes it would annoy me, we had one that was very difficult to wind though and dp was much better at doing it than me.

Also sleeping past 6 is a rare occurance in this house.

Original poster
Hotmad · 30/01/2014 09:12

He is rubbish at winding her as he is too scared of hurting her!!! He kinda walks on eggshells around her

OP posts:
Joysmum · 30/01/2014 09:14

Just hand the baby over and say, 'You show me!'

MinesAPintOfTea · 30/01/2014 09:23

And he won't get more confident unless he tries. Seriously, hand her over and have a nap.

I never got the hang of winding anyway. Think its a myth to give desperate parents something to try when really the baby just needs to get used to the world.

LateBear · 30/01/2014 09:32

My DH is sleeping in the spare room since LO arrived 4 weeks ago, he's been up in the night maybe 3 times since we came home, other than that I've been leaving him to sleep as he has to work, but if he tells me one more time that he is more tired the more sleep he gets I'll throttle him! Grin

Joysmum · 30/01/2014 09:35

If he's rubbish at winding her, that's even more effective at making your point for you. I'd still hand the baby over.

DownstairsMixUp · 30/01/2014 09:42

I would be close to wanting to thump him Angry hand the baby and tell him to show you if he thinks it is so easy!

NumptyNameChange · 30/01/2014 09:51

so he doesn't work or take an equal hand with the baby and he's moaning about his sleep?

i'd tell him to get up and look for a job. 6am is surely a luxury with a newborn anyway?

Original poster
Hotmad · 30/01/2014 10:30

I do pass her over for him to wind but he barely touches he back and she screams so loud I can't bare it! I try to show him but he really just doesn't do it that way. I would do anything to not listen to her crying

OP posts:
MinesAPintOfTea · 30/01/2014 10:37

Does he take her for any length of time? For all your sakes he needs to learn to. Even if he puts her in a sling and goes out for a walk for half an hour.

DS used to fuss more when given to DH after he went back to work so for a long time I would go off and have a bath and just leave them to it. DH wouldn't stop trying to wind/soothe DS and really it was colic and nothing could be done for it.

headoverheels · 30/01/2014 12:17

Honestly OP, the only way for him to realise that babies aren't made of glass is to let him get stuck in. Do yourself and him both a favour!

Fairylea · 30/01/2014 12:21

He's being an arse.

6am is a normal wake up time for a baby, well most babies so he better suck it up and get used to it. My two now aged 11 years and 19 months have never slept past 6am!

He needs more practice. Get him up, show him how it's done and then walk away and let him try. He needs to learn how to do it.

Doodledumdums · 30/01/2014 17:08

YANBU, my DH does this too and it drives me mad!

6am sounds lovely though, my 1yo got me up at 4am, and I had to leave for work at 6am!

Mogz · 30/01/2014 17:59

Hi Hot I know it is heartbreaking but really do hand the baby over and walk away for 10 minutes to let him figure it out. My DH was the same for the first few weeks, he was terrified of 'breaking the baby' but quick to dole out advice to me. So I handed over and ran a bath with some music on so I couldn't hear her cry. If you know the baby is fed, has a clean nappy and isnt in obvious pain then no harm will come to either of them. Took two or three goes but he found his knack with her and now picks her up and sorts her out rather than telling me what to do.

Nanny0gg · 30/01/2014 18:30

Did you know what to do the second you had her? No. Have you learnt by being hands-on? Yes.

Same will work for him. Hand her over every morning for a week and go and have a long noisy shower.

When he's proficient you can take it in turns.

ZenNudist · 30/01/2014 18:41

If he's not working he's going to be able to do a lot of things in the day so you can get your rest. ATM he sounds like a selfish prick!

Let him get used to caring for baby.

NewtRipley · 30/01/2014 18:55

We found putting DS2 on his front over our lap and gently rubbing in a circular motion was helpful

YANBU

NumptyNameChange · 30/01/2014 19:06

fairylea - not just me then. ds is nearly 7 and if he sleeps past 6am it's a miracle. it's reprogrammed my bodyclock to such an extent that i next to never sleep past 5.30am and i used to be capable of sleeping for 16hr stretches at times and thought nothing of sleeping till noon if i wasn't working.

as a newborn till at least 4 or 5 months ds would be awake at least twice in the night and definitely up for good by 5am so to my mind 6am sounds great. not sure why he needs to get back to sleep rather than get his arse out of bed and go and make you a cup of coffee instead of sitting there advising you.