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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be really upset with my DH?

52 replies

Woowoowoowoo · 29/01/2014 14:57

Every time our DCs are ill and I want them checking out he acts horribly towards me and speaks to me like a piece of shit. He's an excellent DH in most other respects.

When I tell him how much it upsets me he brushes it off. I don't understand why he wouldn't rather be safe than sorry when it comes to the DCs - most of the time I'm right to be concerned.

For example he's just gone bezerk as I want DS taken to the walk in centre. He's prone to chest infections and he's making funny breathing sounds.

I'm not sure how to deal with this.

OP posts:

Thumbwitch · 29/01/2014 14:59

Find out why - does he have a fear of doctors? Was he "overquacked" by his own mother, dragged to the doc for every little thing?

If he's such a good husband normally then make him tell you what his problem is with medical attention for your DC.

Juno77 · 29/01/2014 15:01

What do you mean berserk? In what way?

It could be that he thinks you are being a hypochondriac and is frustrated. I can't think of any logical reason why a father wouldn't want his children checked out if they were sick, but I can imagine not taking them off to the doctor every time they weren't feeling 100%.

formerbabe · 29/01/2014 15:02

I don't get why he doesn't want them to be checked out? Is he objecting to going with you or taking them there? Or is he just against them being checked out at all?

Socks555 · 29/01/2014 15:02

It depends, if you're over reacting at every little illness I can understand him.

But if you are reasonably concerned, I'd kick his butt!

Idocrazythings · 29/01/2014 15:08

My DH sometimes makes me feel like I have munchausins by proxy. I have learned just to ignore him and if unsure whether to get DC checked out sound it out on someone else. Yes it's a shame but that's life sometimes.

Socks555 · 29/01/2014 15:12

Agree, better be safe than sorry

Original poster

Woowoowoowoo · 29/01/2014 15:24

Yes I am. But when it comes to the kids I never take risks. The angry outbursts escalate the issue.

OP posts:

harriet247 · 29/01/2014 15:26

I would just take them-is it that you are all traipsing around etc after he has finished work or..?im a bit confused on this one! I dont think yabu but its a odd reaction from your dh!

DustyBaubles · 29/01/2014 15:29

Are you taking them for normal, run of the mill things like colds and vomiting bugs?

I can see how your husband might think that a bit over the top.

Mine haven't seen a doctor for years, apart form vaccinations, or new patient check ups.

Gigondas · 29/01/2014 15:29

Yes you are a hypochondriac? Am but confused by last post.

It's ok to be sensible but it's not ok if common sense is being overwhelmed by projection/ fears of your own onto your kids. I can see how your dh might not like this (tho not go berserk).

Thumbwitch · 29/01/2014 15:30

Are your DCs boys? Is he worried that you're going to make them "too soft" by being cautious? Does he think you're pandering to them?
Really, do ask him how his own mother was with his health.
Do you have to pay per visit for the GP?

My own DH's mother was a nurse - she never took them to the doc or hospital for anything short of a limb hanging off by a thread; one of DH's whinges is that he never got stitches as a child, even when he could have done with them. DH is a bit about me taking DS1 to the doc too, because he thinks he was never "pandered to" and it's not done him any harm. . However, he respects my opinion on the boys' health enough not to argue with me.

Juno77 · 29/01/2014 15:32

Well, if you are being a hypochondriac then presumably your DH is just annoyed and trying to get you to calm down?

You can't take your dc to the doctor every time they feel unwell. It's impractical, foolish, and a waste of time and money.

Can you give us some examples?

peggyundercrackers · 29/01/2014 15:38

you both sounds a little unreasonable - funny breathing sounds like its just a cold, i would not take mine to the doc if thats all it was. your OH is prob frustrated with you but sounds like hes not getting his point over, either that or you are ignoring his point of view... both are wrong.

Original poster

Woowoowoowoo · 29/01/2014 15:38

Yes I am a hypochondriac - but this is used against me I feel when it comes to getting them checked out.

They aren't regularly at the docs but a chest infection to me is worth getting checked out and treated quickly as DS has ended up in hospital a few times with bronchilitis.(sp?)

OP posts:

Original poster

Woowoowoowoo · 29/01/2014 15:40

Sorry for blunt replies. Baby on knee.

OP posts:

Thumbwitch · 29/01/2014 15:42

Good grief, if DS has a history of bronchiolitis, then of course it makes sense to get him checked out if he has chest infections! Your DH is being unreasonable but unless you ASK him why then you're not going to know, are you. So ASK him what his problem is.

Juno77 · 29/01/2014 15:42

But a wheeze doesn't suggest a chest infection or bronchitis, unless coupled with other symptoms or it is prolonged.

How quickly do you take then for medical advice when they are displaying symptoms?

Juno77 · 29/01/2014 15:43

Bronchiolitis or bronchitis?

gamerchick · 29/01/2014 15:44

It does sound as if he's frustrated with your approach to illness and not communicating that to you well.

Does he have any other symptoms other than a croaky chest?

Socks555 · 29/01/2014 15:46

It's subjective.

Even gut instinct could be misunderstood. I'd take him this time and then work on you Hypochondriac tendencies so you have a better future.

No being Sarcy!

GimmeDaBoobehz · 29/01/2014 15:52

Being a 'hypochondriac' isn't necessarily a good thing I agree but then I wouldn't take any chances with young children either. I'd rather be too careful and take them in with the flu than not be careful enough and miss something serious and life threatening.

It's hard to find a medium level.

However, just saying I disagree is enough nobody needs to get verbally aggressive because of this and for that your partner is being a knob.

If he knows his DC is prone to bronchitis then he should want to make sure nothing untoward is happening here, I agree.

You may be exaggerating who knows, but him giving you grief for it isn't exactly going to help any, is it?

LadyBeagleEyes · 29/01/2014 15:55

if you are a hypochondriac and take them to the Dr's for every little sniffle, and don't listen to your DH's opinion I can understand why he gets annoyed.
Berserk is another thing, does he get really angry?
I've known a hypochondriac, she only ever talked about her illnesses and her kids and was never away from the Dr's. I ended up avoiding her as did everybody else.
It can be intensely annoying.

Original poster

Woowoowoowoo · 29/01/2014 15:56

Sorry back now. I prefer to get him to docs ASAP with potential chest infection due to how quickly things seem to unravel with him if really poorly.

I an over the top with them but I just can't help it. I can't not get them checked.

They're back home now and he's fine. Thank God.

My DH is so amazing so yes, maybe it's frustration but I feel the anger escalates my worry.

Thanks for your replies. I do need to work on it but it's hard to know when to check when not to check...

OP posts:

Original poster

Woowoowoowoo · 29/01/2014 15:58

Lady with all due respect hypochondria is a mental illness and very difficult to control.

OP posts:

Juno77 · 29/01/2014 16:00

I think it sounds like you need to relax a bit.

It can be worrying but you can't go off to the doctor at every tiny sign of potential illness. You just can't. It's unhealthy.

However, if your DH is genuinely going berserk then that's an issue.

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