For those of you with 'bright' children, do you take the credit for it ....

[sandyballs]

..... or believe it's pot luck. I'm sick of hearing about a friend's 'genius' child and how it is all down to her parenting.

I know we can help by encouraging reading, blah blah, not constant screens etc, but it is pot luck isn't it really. If it's not how do you explain very different siblings, some who struggle, some who thrive academically yet have been brought up in the same way. This kid is an only btw.

I know it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things but she winds me up and I'm curious as to what MN think.

Its probably a mix of both.... but I think the comments around 'what you do with it' really nail the issue, and surely that is all down to parenting. Giving kids the confidence to follow through and stick at things even when its tough is what will make the difference. My own kids are still babies but I was sent on gifted kid academic summer camps and still have contact as an adult with many of the the classmates and despite all having high aptitude there were vastly different outcomes in terms of lifestyle/career success/happiness etc etc.

For any kind of intelligence, bar some special needs, I think it is nurture.
This here www.newscientist.com/article/dn24431-school-achievement-isnt-just-in-your-genes.html?full=true is an interesting article which basically says it is practically impossible to test if intelligence is due to genes, and anyway IQ tests themselves are flawed.

Notice lots of people seem to think that children in the same family are brought up identically-think there's evidence that this is not the case at all.

The best analogy of illness, which I think also fits with intelligence, I've heard was "genes give you the gun and lifestyle provides the bullets", which I think is true.

I also have a vague recollection of a 12 year old in my A level chemistry class who was so socially inadequate he couldn't actually speak to us. So clearly intelligence isn't always a blessing.

DoublesAllRound, yes, in which case I agree with you.

I wish I was street wise AmGrowingAnAwesomeTree

donttrythisathome, I have two dc, both boys, one very bright (which I take all the credit for hehe) and one not so bright but certainly doing ok (which I take all the credit for) because they were treated very differently from age 6m-4yrs. There were reasons for this, namely that when DS1 was born I devoted all of my time to him, when DS2 was born I was renovating a house and starting a business. The advantage that DS1 has in terms of ability, application and ambition will stay with him whilst DS2 will quite probably be, just as he is now, the far happier, more relaxed and fun loving.

MinitheMinx

I was a very precocious child. I don't particularly put that down to my parents, I was ignored and stuck in front of the telly most of the time or stuck with my abusive uncle instead but hey who's counting - but I do think the outcomes could have been different had I been brought up differently. Natural brain capacity is one thing but what you do with it is another.

DCs are young and appear pretty average so far. The only thing I take any credit for is that despite all that's going against us they are well adjusted and happy and enthusiastic. I'm confident that I'm parenting quite well, but I don't think it has any impact on their intelligence.

I often remind my little brother and sister, who are both geniuses, that they got all their brains from me because I helped them with their homework when they were little. They just laugh at me now they are teenagers though.

I've never seriously thought about where my children get their intelligence from, or felt the need to comment on where it comes from, it's just who they are.

It's not from great parenting though as my mum raised 7 children in exactly the same way and 2 of us are average, 1 is below average, 2 are bright and 2 are absolute geniuses, we all went to the same primary school as well and had mostly the same teachers so I'm not sure it's totally down to education either.

Very interesting Adika.

Variation among siblings in same family definitely would suggest there's a potluck element (genetic).

Certainly the case in my family where one dc is definitely brighter than the other - and they have totally different personalities and underlying intelligence is part of that.

I often wonder about this. My DH and his sister are both ridiculously clever (PhDs, Oxbridge, so good with traditional academia as well as being genuinely just quick and brainy). Their parents are completely average, intelligence-wise. I don't know if they did something particularly amazing when they were bringing up their DCs. Maybe the combination of their DNA is particularly excellent.

I do think there are an annoying minority of parents out there (no-one I have seen on this thread; I mean people I know) who talk almost from birth about their offspring being 'very bright', largely because they very much want them to be and so put alot of time and effort into teaching them stuff from a very early age and then telling everyone how great they are. If you ask them, they claim it is nothing they have done, but then I almost find this more boastful, as what some of them are really saying is that their child has inherited their own superior intelligence.

But I say that as a mother of an eldest who is only 5 and whose frame of reference is parents with kids under 5. I don't think there is much way to tell when they are that young (bar those kids who are reading at age 2 etc). Obviously, with kids who are older, you get indications from school and exam results etc so this is not a slur on anyone who has posted.

One thing is for sure, even if you friend's child is old enough her to know for sure and he is the second coming intellectually, she sounds very annoying, OP.

All down to him. I think he got the best parts of my brain and the best parts of DH's too. I knew he was rather unusual when he was making complicated bits of his baby gym thing work with his foot when he was 6 weeks old.

Dilys I was reading this thread thinking the same thing. My eldest is 4 and I have no idea whether she is bright or not. She knows phonics becasue she's being taught at nursery but so do all the otehr kids her age.

I remember my brother saying their nanny had told them his child was very bright as he was passing toys from one hand to the other at quite a young age [hmmm]
I can't see any difference between dn and my eldest tbh

Nature and nurture, as with most things. There seems to be a genetic component - 2 bright parents are passing on some intelligence but also are likely to offer a lot of educational ops for their children, and support their learning (nurture). 2 mathematician friends have produced a toddler with great skills and interest in maths - I suspect it's a bit of both.

My child is supposedly extremely bright - is that luck (a bit), genes (a bit - both parents bright, though in different ways), or upbringing (a bit - lots of books, reading, games, safe, loving supportive environment with plenty of learning ops)?

If you read Freakonomics it shows how, sadly, family wealth is more important than nurture - children who have lots of books at home (so presumably more wealthy) do significantly better at school than children who are frequently taken to the library (i.e. good nurturing) but don't have books at home (so presumably poorer). However I know many intelligent adults who have succeeded coming from quite poor backgrounds, but in most cases they had at least one parent who valued learning, even if not successful in the eyes of the world themselves.

Dd1 is on the gifted and talented register at school. I was 17 when I had her and got made homeless when she was 6 months old. People are often shocked by her intelligence which really saddens me. It is all down to her. I don't feel I have done any extra parenting, well no more than what I believe is expected of me as a good mother.

I was very bright at school but my mother never encouraged me to do well. I was never praised, always being put down or being told I was big headed. So in the end I didn't know what to do with it and bunked off school for the last year.

Ds is above the levels he should be and has always been very forward but he is only three so I haven't really thought about it much. That is all down to him, I swear he was born a 6 month old!

My child is bright, very, and of course I will take all the credit for this! However she isnt compulsory education age yet so how she will progress is unknown. If she isn't bright, or lags behind, I will be sure to blame everyone but myself

talent and ability seem to be innate, but the push and work ethic that makes them strive to be better is what is provided by parents...

My daughter got among the the top marks in SATs in our state. I put that down ENTIRELY to my careful nurturing of the intelligence that she inherited from me.

My younger daughter just did really badly in her SATs. I put that down to. Um. It's someone else's fault.

I think it's a good mix of genetics and parenting. My little boy takes after me (thank god his dad is a dunce) - he has been able to read and write from an early age but really excels at problem solving and maths just like i always did, which is also something i have also taught him from a very young age.

However there are different types of intelligence - where my child is very good with numbers and problem solving he also leaves a lot to be desired as far as creativity is concerned!! I love him to the moon and back but he cant draw for shit!!

He has never been that good at creative play and tends to follow the lead from other children - but like i said he takes after me and i was exactly the same as a child.

Goats it's sad people are so judgmental. I had DS when I was 15 and DD when I was 19 and I look younger than I am so I have had a lot of shocked looks when people realise my kids are actually bright and get support at home, saying that I've had shocked looks when people realise they know what a book is, have washed their face and have manners.

I do take some credit, yes. Not for being 'geniuses' but if the teacher says they are doing well.

This is because I work hard to make sure they do some home learning, and not just rely on school to sort it all out. I scan Primary times quite often for interesting things to do with them, ensure they do homework, take an interest in their education, plan activities, talk to the teachers if there is ever a problem (rare, but I will if needs be), and actually think quite a lot about how they learn, what they might excel in, how to encourage. I make sure their books are read and returned to school, practice reading with them, organise their school bags, took them weekly to the library before they went to school.

This sounds like blowing my own trumpet (and perhaps to an extent it is!) - but it all contributes to the overall environment of learning. I know a lot will say it's only what being a decent parent does, but actually - not every parent does, or can, or through no fault of their own, has the time.

Basically - behind the scenes I quite honestly do most of the work around their school stuff, (aside from school of course). Their Dad does a miniscule amount compared to me - he is around less, granted, but within that he leaves a lot of the nagging, the cajoling around homework to me (which I hate) - as well as the initiating of ideas about how to progress their learning. I'm the one researching on MN about various educational things, reading up ideas for inspiration, looking at educational reports. We even chose the kids' school on the basis of the research I had done. He takes them shopping at the weekend, yet has never thought of letting the eldest handle some of it to improve money and maths skills, whereas I would think "here's a chance she could practice...etc." Simple things, yet for some reason he has never come up with anything like that.

I wish it were more balanced in a way, as sometimes I get so fed up with getting them to sit down and do homework - or just being the one who does the thinking/fretting. It's not always a pleasant thing, especially if you're tired, or not in the mood yourself - to ensure the kids keep up the work. He is more relaxed and 'Fun Dad'.

So if either of them do really well at something, of course first and foremost I'm proud of them and their efforts, but I also feel proud of myself too. Obviously they have innate abilities. However, without me doing quite a bit of background stuff to provide them with opportunities to learn, they wouldn't be doing so well - am reasonably certain of that.

p.s. just read Adika's post and - it's interesting. Perhaps it is just down to luck, in which case why do I bother!!!

OP if your friend has a 'genius' child it won't be down to her parenting so that's a bit of a paradox.

There is NO evidence to say that IQ is inherited - there is a tiny amount of difference between different people taking into account all the confounding factors. It is so small that it hardly has any effect.

Every time you speak and interact with a child there is a learning process going on. That's what gives them IQ, not their genes. If I hear one more person saying their child is 'bright' I will throttle them.

I know someone who said her child was bright because he knew all of the names of the dinosaurs. Genetic? I don't think so. We are all born more or less the same.

What most people forget is that early ability will level out over time. All of the other input (physical and practical skills) affect the general development including brain activity. There is another surge of activity in teens when new brain cells are fired up.

This is because I work hard to make sure they do some home learning, and not just rely on school to sort it all out. I scan Primary times quite often for interesting things to do with them, ensure they do homework, take an interest in their education, plan activities, talk to the teachers if there is ever a problem (rare, but I will if needs be), and actually think quite a lot about how they learn, what they might excel in, how to encourage. I make sure their books are read and returned to school, practice reading with them, organise their school bags, took them weekly to the library before they went to school.

I do this too, but my middle child still doesn't do well at school (and it's an excellent school).

I think it's important to let children develop indepedently at their own pace but there are certain key things I think make a real difference - reading (for memory and all kinds of other things) and conversation. Routine helps as well for study purposes.

I admire parents who 'push' their children but I'm never quite sure whether it needs to be done.

I am one of 3 kids, my brother is super intelligent, I got the same level of degree from the same uni as he did but I suspect I had to work harder. Also he is going at science and maths whereas I prefer social sciences and languages.

My sister didn't achieve as well academically and left school after her GCSEs although she has done college courses etc since. She has succeeded massively in sport though, competing for her country etc.

We all had the same upbringing but my sister hates being told what to do and lacks common sense and personally I think that's what's held her back.

I think my parents think my brother is more intelligent than me but I suspect we are on a par but he is much much more confident and has had an extremely successful career whereas I had children and became a SAHM....