To have never worried for a second about the possibility of my children being abducted...

[curlew]

......and to have never, as far as I can remember, made any decisions based on the possibility or factored it in to any plans I have made or actions I have taken?

Is this unusual? Do most people worry about this?

With abduction or other missing persons often the parents or family never ever find out what happened to their child/family member. That's potentially more scary I reckon.

That's it for me, it's the unknown that just stops me in my tracks.

I remember having to walk 3 miles to and from school every day from the age of 8, along country lanes. My sister was walking with me until I was 9 and then she went to big school so the last two years I had to walk on my own. There were no pavements so I was literally walking on the roads.

On two occasions I was offered a lift, once by a middle-aged couple and once by a man. Both times I refused, which was actually really hard because walking all that way on my own in the rain/wind/snow was really really hard. But it had obviously been drummed into me (although I don't remember who by).

DD is four and we've never talked to her about it actually - we will do now though!

We lost ds4 for a good 40 mins in a forest the other year and it was awful but I wasmt worried he ahd been abducted.

Why would I panic? Because I am an animal!

I also have moments of panic if my children are sleeping deeply and look as if they aren't breathing, although my rational mind knows they are.

Well you're a rational human being as well. Even I could rationalise that and I'm obviously more 'paranoid' about these things. Maybe you subconsciously knew it is a risk. A slim one but it's there. Very dangerous in my view to not acknowledge it at all.

I don't know that my immediate thought when I have lost DS briefly is "Oh my god he's been abducted" but "Oh my god, he's got lost" and fear that he is frightened and can't find me or perhaps has had an accident. But mostly is the primal fear of "I don't know where my child is".

That's it, Bertie. The atavistic fear of a lost child. Not anything to do with abduction. Or only as part of an overwhelming, primitive feeling.

I remember once he got lost in a motorway service station. My biggest fear was that he had left and tried to find the car and that he could be run over in the car park or even find his way onto the motorway. I didn't think for a second that somebody had run off with him although looking back I can see it would have been possible.

No, he was playing hide and seek under the tables where we'd had our lunch. Which actually logically was the most likely thing - that they've either inadvertantly wandered off and got lost or they have deliberately gone somewhere familiar to them in the place they are for some ridiculous, immature brain functioning reason.

But logic does go out of your mind. I can see how people might suddenly fear abduction in that state, DS had amazing road sense from very young so I have no idea why my first thought was "OMG the motorway!" He wouldn't have stepped out into the car park.

I wouldn't like to think that my friend lied to me. But I do know it made me more cautious when out and about.

I grew up in America in a small town where everybody left there back doors open, kids played in the street and popped into friends houses for lemonade or snacks. But now, everything is locked here and kids dont get to play out like that.

I would hope that children would be educated about the type of touching or behaviour that isn't okay whether it cones from a person they know or a stranger.

The stranger danger thing that was rammed down our tgroats in the 70s & 80s was probably counter productive as most abuse is committed by a person known and trusted by the victim.

From the language the op is using this is some kind of psychological exercise, rather than I am interested in opinions thread.

Ffs who talks about atavistic fears and primitive feelings.

Knob off .

Was there really any need for that elderberi? If you don't kike the way rhe thread is going you are under no obligation to read or participate.

"Ffs who talks about atavistic fears and primitive feelings."

Er, literate, educated people???????

I do worry as we have had four or five attempted abductions of schoolchildren in my small area in the past couple of years.

We had a text from my dd's school about another one just last week.

So, yes, I worry.

You need to be very careful about these "attempted abductions" you get notes home from school about. The police obviously have to take seriously every incident- but often the incident turns out to be a misunderstanding, or a family row, or an exaggeration. But you don't hear that bit, you just get the initial scary letter.

Equally you can't rule it out completely so why not be opened minded that it could be? There's been enough evidence on here about men taking the opportunity when it arises.

I think there's a lot of fear around. With children especially. People seem carry around a lot of real fear of abductors and perverts from a day-to-day basis despite the rareness of these things.

Back in the day, I was trusted to walk to primary school, about 15mins from home, down a dark alley - there was often a pervy man walking his dog. Without any explicit 'instruction' we knew not to approach or talk to this man (poor bloke was probably not pervy in the least). I think kids are fairly aware of dangers and how to react to strangers.

Because I don't want to modify my behaviour or my children's behaviour on the strength of a risk too small to be worth taking into consideration. Too many children's lives are constrained by this.

I also think- and I await my flaming- that people focus on "stranger danger" because it's so much easier to think about than the stronger (but still tiny) possibility that a child will come to harm at the hands of somebody they know. It's much easier to focus the fear on the "other" (sorry, elderberri) than where, if it should be at all, it should be focused. That is, on family and friends.

I don't think they all are LeBFG. At all. I wasn't. I think it was pure luck nothing serious happened to me. I think I would have froze and not told my parents (which is too late by then anyway) which is why as a parent you have to be consider all risks and make appropriate judgements.

To dismiss any risk completely as totally unlikely could end up being to your child's detriment. I say "could" - these risks may be unlikely statistically but it only needs to be that one chance and both your lives are ruined. Why take that chance? Be aware if your fears are affecting you DC's development but I think awareness is very important. And to act proud of it - and I don't just mean Curlew here - but there's been other threads along those lines about parents being so laid back they're horizontal well that's up to you. Better safe than sorry as they say. It's just one small facet of being a parent. Others include encouraging calculated risks and adventure. It's not either or.

Op your whole post was about being abducted by strangers, then you bang on about family and friends.

Stay in the context of your post. Of course we are all aware of the family and friends thin.

Completely disagree Curlew and think your view is dangerous. One doesn't wipe out the other. Parents must consider all risks, no matter how slim. You make your judgements and weighting then based on all the facts. Just because one is more likely than the other, which I'm not disputing, you do not then consider the effect the other could have.

And I also think it depends on age. Warning about family/friends might be more appropriate when younger, maybe stranger danger not so much but when they're older and going off into town for the day with friends then you warn about people being too friendly - and that could include someone they know but also includes strangers. So you've never said to your kids don't go off with people you don't know? I find that hard to believe.

For someone that hasn't given abduction a second's thought in bringing up your kids you're arguing the case about everyone not worrying about it very strongly. It's like no one's experience of what has happened with strangers - many stories that could have taken a turn for the worse - has penetrated at all. You're in the mindset you're right and that's it. I don't want to just count of luck nothing happening to my DC. I've given him a range of scenarios over the years and possible outcomes and possible ways of dealing with things. All age appropriate, nothing OTT, no scaremongering. Just what I thought parents did so I'm a bit surprised that not everyone does.

Curlew
I think what you are missing from
Your analysis is that if my child goes missing and is killed or never seen again, there is no return from the abyss for me.

If my child gets run over or gets cancer, I will be devastated but given time, I think I would accept it.

I would never, ever be able to accept it if my child disappeared like James Bulger or April Jones.

Meant to say "count on luck" not "count of luck".

I don't really know what you want from the OP. That you were right to never give abduction a second's thought? I think it's unreasonable as do others and given reasons why - because we've been in situations that we don't want our kids to find themselves in.

Abduction happens. It's not the all out disappearance of a kid for ever more. It's also being picked up, abused for a period of time then dumped and no one being any the wiser as the kid is too scared to tell. Don't place too great a weight on it as it's unlikely but to place no weight on it at all that bad things happen? I think that's a bit negligent.