AIBU to object to Y4 teacher's "Sex and Death" comment to pupils?

[CSLewis]

Dd came home one day and told me that in Art they'd been looking at Salvador Dali, and that her teacher told them that his work "is mainly about sex and death". !

I am really angry with her comment, as not every 8/9 year old in the world knows what sex is, and I don't consider it a teacher's job to introduce them to the subject.

Also, if that's what she thinks about Dali, why on earth choose him for her Y4 class to study??!? Talk about insidious sexualisation of children from an ever-earlier age!

This is an "outstanding" Catholic primary, btw , tho I have plenty of atheist friends who wd also be appalled if their 8yo came home with that. Obv I don't think IABU, but what do u think?

hmmm yeah that seems a bit young to me. I'd wonder about the teacher myself.

I think YA probably BU.

I imagine very few 8/9 years olds would not understand this. When DD was in Y3 (at her oustanding Catholic primary) they were preparing for Christmas and one of her classmates had asked what a virgin was. Their class teacher , who was also the lady preparing them for first communion, had very matter of factly explained that it was a lady who hadn't had sex yet. DD certainly seemed satisfied by the explanation.

YABU I think. And I have a 9 year old DD who is very sensitive. Dali's work IS mainly about sex and death. Neither need to be discussed in depth but children in year 4 generally know a bit about both.

Next year your child will have some sex education no?

It's not long till some of your child's class will grow breasts, pubic hair and begin talking about how pregnancy happens. Educate your child now.

As 5Foot says, children need to be told things as they ask about them. My 5 year old knows about periods...because she saw the dog having one!

I thought it far better to explain about womb linings than to lie to her and let her think the dog had cut it's foof. Which would have upset her more!

Dali is maybe a bit of an odd choice for Y4 - it's unlikely they'll be really grasping the themes

But I'd be surprised if an 8 year old didn't know what sex is to be honest.

"I imagine very few 8/9 year olds would not understand this" - well, I know plenty who wouldn't. And how could the teacher know whether all her pupils understood the term?

And whether or not they all understood it (which they wouldn't, and the teacher would have no way I knowing either way), do you honestly believe that the teacher in question showed good judgement in her choice of subject matter?
Of all the artists in all the world, she had to choose that one?

'National Curriculum Dali' - pop it into google and lo! It is part of KS2

Ok, flip it: If your dd DIDN'T know what sex was, would you be happy for this to be her introduction to the subject?

Aspie - Thanks, v interesting. Don't know why I'm surprised... I doubt her comment was quoted verbatim from the KS2 guidelines tho.

I suspected it was part of the curriculum Aspie...doesn't surprise me. They've changed it all haven't they?

I do agree that Dali isn't the artist I would choose....but the fact is that yes...if my DD did not know about sex I would not mind the term being used. I would see it as an opportunity to introduce sex.

Education...introduce sex education I meant!

yabu , you will be surprised at how much children know about both these subjects and how young they are when they first know.

I'm not sure, my son is in year 3 and we have nebver had a chat about sex, I answer all his questions honestly and he has never asked how the bits and pieces he knows about reproduction come together.
I think though by year 4 that comment fron a teacher would spur him on to ask me so I would tell him if he asked. It would be a good conversation opener here I think.

So long as she didn't go into graphic detail then YABU. It seems like a truthful and harmless comment to me.

So none of you would have a problem with some random adult being the first to talk to your child about sex, in whatever terms/depth/detail they like, without you can knowing about it? Regardless of whether YOU, their parent, think they're ready for such info?

A teacher isn't "some random adult" OP. He or she is entrusted by you to educate your child!

Ok, flip it: If your dd DIDN'T know what sex was, would you be happy for this to be her introduction to the subject?

If my DD didn't know what sex was at the age of 8/9 I would feel that I had been a bit slow off the mark and should have been taking some steps to tell her the basic facts of life before she picked it up through playground gossip.

IIRC we had that conversation by the time she was 7 without making any big deal about it.

Without you "even" knowing... ?

What's to stop her going into graphic detail? What if a child asked her to explain exactly what she meant?

Cs Lewis I would be annoyed and have a chat to the teacher, you may get some reassurance that it's fairly low key. (Hopefully)
Unfortunately there isn't much you can do ime. The school have their own ideas about what they teach and the age it is appropriate can be much sooner than you think as a parent. It definitely was for me.

Maureen yes, I see your point but I certainly didn't find it easy to accept when it's broached so young.
But opposition, which you are entitled to do can create problems of their own because
A) your dc will stand out as not taking part
B) they will hear a child's perspective in the playground rather than the facts
Although I do think year 4 is too young to be talking about sex, death is something less of an issue because it affects people of all ages.

It is hard OP...to think of our children as knowing about sex and things...but they do you know. They talk about it a lot from year 3 onwards...mainly in mixed up terms and with the facts all wrong....which is why you are supposed to educate them correctly.

Get your child a nice book perhaps....one with good illustrations and a bit of humour.

OP there's no way a "normal" teacher WOULD go into detail in those circumstances. They know their boundaries! It sounds like you have trust issues.

do you honestly believe that the teacher in question showed good judgement in her choice of subject matter

It wasn't the teachers choice to teach this - it is the DfE

I'm more surprised there hasn't been a termly plan home for each class overviewing what is part of that KS for that year. Do schools not do this any longer? not even the "outstanding" Catholic ones??

I would be extremely surprised if the word 'sex' has never fallen upon your childs ears TBH

Irrespective of the depth of knowledge of one/all of the children's understanding about sex, I still find it totally inappropriate behaviour from the teacher. It is not her job to 'educate my child about sex"; that's MY job. Y'know, her parent? As and when I see fit. Not as and when SHE does.

You sound pretty unreasonable. Year 4 children are likely to have heard the word "sex" before surely? Or heard about mating or reproduction when talking about animals? I can't understand why you are het up about it. If you are so determined that you will be the first person ever to utter the word "sex" in front of your DD then you should have said it a lot earlier!

Yes Maureen that's what I did when my dd was 10.
She was asking all sorts of questions, I was pregnant at the time, and I was such a chicken I know, but I didn't know how or what to say to her at 10. I wanted to wait I till she was older, but it didn't work out that way.
She told me later it was a good book and she was really glad I gave it to her because she could read it whenever she wanted.
It was called "what's happening to me ?" There are girl/boy versions.