DH & holiday related

[HavingAnOffDAy]

I'll try to be brief but give as much back story as I can

DH & I both work full time. We have 2 DC's. DD is in school & DS attends nursery.

I have less paid holiday from my job than DH does (around 8 days off the top of my head). We try to split our holiday so that DC's don't need to attend holiday clubs during school holidays. No reason - just our preference.

This year we've booked our main summer holiday (2 weeks) plus a long weekend away over Easter, and 3 additional weekends away with friends & all of our DC.

DH has a big birthday at the end of the year & is planning a 5 day break with a large group of friends as part of his celebrations. I have no issues at all with this as I know we'll also celebrate as a family too.

Now the crux of it...DH also wants to go skiing at some point over the next couple of months. If we go together, by his calculations, we need to find approx £900 to pay for it. This includes unpaid leave for me from work, plus flights, spends etc. We're lucky enough to have somewhere we can stay rent free.

Another option is for him to go skiing with a friend, thus reducing the cost & no unpaid leave for me.

We're in the process of having renovations on the house which is taking up a large chunk of our disposable income so I said if it meant finding additional money I'd rather wait until the work on the house is complete then spend the money on a family break during half term in May. We probably won't be able to afford anything abroad, but it would be nice to have something special to look forward to as a family as the renovation work is taking up a lot of our weekends & I feel we're not getting much time together as a family. It would be special as we usually have one longer holiday per year, plus a few weekends away if we can manage it.

DH has just said 'Hence why I wanted to go away on a cheapy myself, just for the skiing, don't you think we're doing enough with the kids now'.

I know I should be pleased that we have holidays & breaks planned through the year, and I'm lucky that I can work full time to pay for them etc. I just feel really sad at his attitude that me & the DC have enough planned but clearly it's not enough for him.

AIBU?

He seems to take each thing such as this in isolation.

I.e. He won't now understand that I'm annoyed with him for saying I made a scene when clearly I didn't. If I'm off hand with him he'll say I'm moody, sulking, blah blah blah, so I then act normal with him. Until the next time. If I raise it with him I'm nagging.

He doesn't seem to understand that I'm totally pissed off with the way he behaves - he can only see as far back as the last incident, which he twists round for it to seem like that was my fault.

He understands perfectly well.

He just has a lot to gain by pretending that he doesn't.

Yes Join, you're right. He gets angry when I challenge him on it, full of accusations

Stop challenging him on things.

Just disengage and get away from him.

We'll all have a party on MN when it's done. :)

I'm trying to disengage & am getting better.

Yes, just treat him with polite, slightly contemptuous amusement. Ignore any unpleasant remarks, or walk away from him when he starts. This may have the useful effect of making him turn on the niceness for a while, so that your plans to leave can be continued in a pleasant atmosphere.
Of course, it may make him turn nastier, but remember that if he does become really troublesome ie aggressive, you can call the police and have him removed (and it will be on record that he is abusive...)