to be sad that someone has stolen DD's bag at nursery?

[Mercapto]

It was one of these

It went missing last week and there is still no sign of it. I've a feeling it's gone for good as there has been a poster up in the nursery for months about Nike trainers that have gone missing.

It's not the fact it was a fancy bag that bothers me. It's the fact it belonged to my DD, it was for our first family holiday and it had a change of her clothes in it.

It will probably turn up sooner or later. But if you're going to get upset every time anything goes missing, you're going to be constantly stressed.

I have lost track of the number of things DS1 has lost at nursery/pre-school and now school. Most of them have turned up at some point, but we're still down several pairs of gloves and a couple of hats, as well as about half a dozen snack containers and a jumper. DS2 is at nursery and is looking like following in his brother's footsteps.

I've picked things up by mistake and only realised several days later, and I've been convinced things were gone for good, only to find them after weeks of looking. It's just one of those things about having children in childcare or school. Most people are dashing in and out and aren't going to check bags to see if something has been shoved in by mistake. Unless DS2 has his clothes changed at nursery, I don't ever look inside his bag - it just goes home, has some nappies shoved in the top, and goes back the next day.

Primark is your friend - stock up on socks/gloves/hats. And then resign yourself to losing them all in about 3 weeks.

My son had his brand new coat taken from nursery - wasn't expensive but he had to walk home in the cold! Weird thing was, it turned up on his peg about 12 months later. Nursery said one of the mums just walked in one day and put it back. I mean, wouldn't you know if your kid came home from nursery with an extra coat? Maybe she has loads of kids and didn't notice! It had been well worn, and there was a dummy in the pocket!!

I can't believe you are all so casually accepting of loss and theft. It's not OK, and my DC have never been in a situation where it has been considered OK - nurseries have persued lost items (if nametaped) determinedly and not given up until they are found.

Gorgeous bag but why would you send this to a nursery?

Once when I worked in a private nursery, one of the kids (2 years old) wellieboots went missing. I was the one member of the stuff with a child at the nursery and obviously the parent wouldn't think one of the other parents would steal it and she kept asking me for days to look for it and find it.
I don't know if she eventually found it in her house or if it was stolen or picked up by mistake but I am pretty sure that it crossed that parent mind I would have got it for my 2 year old.

The preschool leader said she regularly ran out of spare clothes because people would keep them. She said she wouldn't mind if people offered to buy stuff from her. That annoyed me too because I've given nice stuff to the preschool, stuff I wanted them to have. This is considered an affluent area as well.

londonista she just borrowed it!

Stealthsquiggle - no-one is casually accepting of theft.....but we are all capable of losing things/or things being picked up by accident.....and it is not uncommon for this kind of thing to happen in a nursery/school setting.

Stealth I have found drop offs and pick ups quite chaotic at times so not surprising stuff gets mixed up - I genuinely believe very rare for a full on, proper theft, but some people are annoyingly quite blasé about returning random stuff that's accidentally found its way to their home. even if it's well labelled.

Vix - oh I see! Could have left a tenner in the pocket instead of a bloody dummy tho !!

OP you should prepare yourself to 'lose' a few of your dd's possessions over the coming years but YANBU on this occasion. That bag is very distinctive; even if a childminder or relative picked it up thinking it belonged to their charges then the parents should realise that it wasn't theirs and return it out of common decency. Just because nursery is a busy and chaotic place it does not give people the right to be careless with the belongings of others. It makes me so mad when this is just accepted, I wouldn't accept it in my place of work and I don't expect it with my DS's belongings either. I don't see why people have to resort to cheap plastic bags and clothes they don't like just because other people are dishonest. I might be being very idealistic here but it's awful.

12 months is a very long time, at least it was returned though.

But it may not actually be theft. Stuff genuinely goes missing at nursery regularly and eventually turns up again.

DS2 insisted that his wellies had disappeared at school. He needed them for something last week. He found them outside (in the covered outside classroom area) where presumably he left them at some point in the past instead of putting them back in his box. He regularly comes home wearing the wrong coat too. Luckily the boys who's coat seems to get swapped lives in our street so we can do a switch on the way home.

autocorrect keeps trying to change wellies to willies, which amuses me

It took the destruction of a lovely GAP cardigan (pale blue, now dyed black in patches) for me to believe DD's nursery's warning that nothing should go to nursery that you would be bothered about having damaged or lost.

Perhaps this is the last time that you will send something precious to nursery.

Pans - and the worse part was of course after 12 months the coat no longer fit! Ha ha. I guess I am quite relaxed about stuff going missing, it happens so often. Gloves are the absolute bane of my life. I am a bee's dick away from stapling them to my older sons hands.

Oh I am not surprised that the wrong things get picked up (not that bag, though). DD managed to bring home someone else's (school issued so identical) backpack last term and she is Y2. However, I texted someone to get the number of the parent concerned to let them know that I had it and check if they needed it that evening or if they wanted to swap in the morning.

OK, so that may not be an option if it's nursery and you don't have any means of getting contact details, but how hard is it to quietly put something back on the right peg in the morning, really?

It one thing that gets on my nerves DD cardigans are £12 each, it has got to have the logo on.

I really don't have the money to replace them, but once I had her name embrodded on the front no cardigans have disappeared ( her name was on the inside previous)

Stealth I completely agree!!

Why is everything your child owns so precious to you?
It's crap that it was stolen, of course it is, but you seem to have an unhealthy attachment to things.

Fortydoors - I have come to the conclusion that it's like home security - things just need to be better named than the next child's . My DS (Y7) came home saying that the head of sports is having a crackdown on kit inspections, so it was prime "stuff going missing" season as people pinch other people's things to make up what they haven't got. I questioned whether kit inspection included checking names, to which he said "oh yes. My stuff will be OK".

..that'll be the 1" high name tapes machine sewed to the outside of things then (they are supposed to have names on the outside, but a lot of people don't bother or just tack a normal nametape on with a couple of stitches). It never ceases to amaze me that people buy expensive pieces of uniform and don't bother labelling them.

It's a horrible feeling to think someone has stolen something your DC loves.

YANBU to be upset, but maybe send her to school with cheaper bag. Sadly, you are right, there will always be thieves.

I once had someones coat for a few weeks, his dad had picked him up on the fri, he came back with the coat on the sunday. I thought it was one from his house. Was pretty annoyed because the one I bought was nicer.

Cant remember exactly how long I had it but one day ds2 came back with the coat I thought his dad had kept and it suddenly dawned on me the one id shoved in a cupboard was probably some other childs!

In year 8 ds1 had over £100 worth of pe kit disappear. I phoned the school who really didnt give a toss, just expected me to buy more

I have to say YABU!

Sorry. I buy cheap drawstring bags. Send in either hand me downs or cheap clothes from asda. Stuff gets lost, deal with it.

Aaargh, my reply has disappeared into cyberspace!

Amongst other things, I suggested you replace the missing bag with something like this. It's far less likely to be picked up by mistake (unless your child has a popular name).

Also, make some mini 'missing' posters with a picture of DD and her special bag and hang them off every peg/send them home like birthday invitations so that if someone's parents have found a frog rucksack in the bottom of their pushchair/heap of coats and shoes etc. they know where it needs to come back to.

And never again send precious items to nursery/school. Stuff goes missing more often than it gets stolen - it's easier to stomach if the missing things weren't the most precious items.

I agree with others only take things to nursery that you are prepared to loose. Even with PFB that meant ebay naice brand clothes. DC3s rucksack is plain and simple, his spare clothes are DD hand me downs cheap. I am only inconvenienced by having to replace if someone takes a liking to ASDA slippers.

BIL thinks he has this issue solved by writing in permanent marker DC name in large letters along the outside of collars, sides of shoes and straps of rucksacks.

I'd wait a bit to see if it turns up then buy an new one if not