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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed my friend is not coming to my birthday because it's too expensive?

61 replies

Kubrickian · 27/01/2014 17:40

So I'm doing an activity for my birthday and I sent an email to all my friends and said exactly what it was and would they be interested. One declined (fair enough) everyone else said sounds great and then one asked how much it would be. Another friend had done this previously and she knew was the price was £25 so I said it will be roughly that which was agreed upon as fine.

I come to book it and it's actually £27. I asked everyone if that was ok and now friend has said - no that's too expensive. Now I know that for some people £2 is actually worth a lot and every single penny counts. I can completely appreciate that but my friend is not in that situation. She has a full-time job, lives with her parents and pays around £80 a month for board.

I'm not falling out with her, just wanted to vent.

(I also paid around that same price for her birthday if thats relevant?)

OP posts:

Juno77 · 28/01/2014 14:26

Elder some groups of friends have quite busy lives, particularly if they all work.

So regular get togethers can be tricky to organise.

Therefore, they make more of a big deal on each others birthdays, as it's not only a celebration, but also a good reason/excuse to meet up.

And, some groups of friends actually get bored going for meals and drinks all the time, and like to mix things up with activities.

It might not be for you and your friends, but it's not strange, or odd. In fact, its quite the opposite - it's interesting and fun!

HeadfirstThroughTheTimeVortex · 28/01/2014 14:29

What's wrong with adults voluntarily doing an activity they enjoy?
Give me the meal any day but if that's what people enjoy then so be it.

As for Go Ape, there's no chance you'd get me up there Dh and a friend would be taking them. Dds birthday in in summer so should be better weather, thanks OP.

Topaz25 · 28/01/2014 14:32

Elderberri, a meal and a drink could come to £27 anyway, so why shouldn't they spend that money doing an activity they enjoy?

poopadoop · 28/01/2014 14:45

OP - YABU to vent about this and also your weirdly detailed accounting of your friend's finances. How are you to know every single thing about her life and circumstances?
Or as well as all the organised fun to celebrate all your special days do you have shared access to a spreadsheet of each others' accounts?
tbh you sound a bit naive to think she's only quibbling over £2, she's just not that into the birthday activity this time, so either ask her if she's ok, or just accept it...

Original poster

Kubrickian · 28/01/2014 16:11

weirdly detailed accounting of your friend's finances

Not weird. I think without putting that a lot of people would have commented that - for some people £2 is the difference between going without a meal to having enough to eat.

I was making the point that she doesn't have a lot of outgoings, or have to pay bills or for food etc so she's not in that situation.

The point was made so I wouldn't be accused of drip-feeding.

OP posts:

EduCated · 28/01/2014 16:18

Is it possible she couldn't actually have afforded the £25 in the first place, or had second thoughts about spending that amount of money if she's not really in a place to?

Go easy, it must be rough on her if she can't afford it. Just because she has seemingly low living expenses doesn't mean she's not struggling financially.

poopadoop · 28/01/2014 16:21

Yes, but how do you really know what's going on in someone else's life? It may not be the £2 as such, but maybe the overall cost or some other factor, so yabu to be annoyed that she has made an excuse not to go and might instead check if she is ok rather than being so self-centered

ephemeralfairy · 28/01/2014 16:27

Well I think it sounds like a fun birthday! I'd much rather spend £27 on an activity than just a boring meal. And for me, birthdays are a big deal, my own and others. I always have a stressful and quite unhappy time at Christmas so having a fun birthday makes up for that.
OP, why not just talk to her and ask if she's ok?

JupiterGentlefly · 28/01/2014 16:38

I want to white water rafting for my birthday this year.. my friends and I love that kind of thing. We don't get together enough so we always use a birthday for an excuse. I hang my head in shame and shall pass on to my friends that it has been decreed that we must only have a meal and a drink if we are to even celebrate birthdays at all now we are adults.

JupiterGentlefly · 28/01/2014 16:39

To go white water rafting. . Pedants I noticed too!

Fairyliz · 28/01/2014 17:18

I am someone else who goes out with friends to an activity for birthdays and I am in my 50s. As someone else said, we are all busy and these events tie us together, and mean we make time to see each other. We always have a fab time and say we should do this more often.
Its not unusual for friends to have some idea of each others financial situation, so I don't think its about the money, has she fallen out with someone in the group?
(If shes not going can I come along?)

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