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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed my friend is not coming to my birthday because it's too expensive?

61 replies

Kubrickian · 27/01/2014 17:40

So I'm doing an activity for my birthday and I sent an email to all my friends and said exactly what it was and would they be interested. One declined (fair enough) everyone else said sounds great and then one asked how much it would be. Another friend had done this previously and she knew was the price was £25 so I said it will be roughly that which was agreed upon as fine.

I come to book it and it's actually £27. I asked everyone if that was ok and now friend has said - no that's too expensive. Now I know that for some people £2 is actually worth a lot and every single penny counts. I can completely appreciate that but my friend is not in that situation. She has a full-time job, lives with her parents and pays around £80 a month for board.

I'm not falling out with her, just wanted to vent.

(I also paid around that same price for her birthday if thats relevant?)

OP posts:
BakerStreetSaxRift · 27/01/2014 17:43

Maybe you could offer to pay the difference and then see if the real reason is that she just doesn't want to, for whatever reason?

It does sound like an excuse.

WooWooOwl · 27/01/2014 17:43

If you spent the same on her chosen activity, YANBU.

shoom · 27/01/2014 17:44

Do you think that it's a fake excuse?

HeadfirstThroughTheTimeVortex · 27/01/2014 17:44

Offer to pay the £2 extra and see what she says?

Original poster
Kubrickian · 27/01/2014 17:44

I did think that Baker but would that come across as bitchy? Lots of people don't like accepting money.

OP posts:
Juno77 · 27/01/2014 17:44

I think if you can afford £25, you can afford £27.

There's obviously another reason.

Maybe she can't afford the £25 after all?

piratecat · 27/01/2014 17:47

maybe she doesn't really like the activity? what is it

Original poster
Kubrickian · 27/01/2014 17:48

Do you think that it's a fake excuse?

I don't know, I really don't.

She could have said at the time, £25 is too much for me to pay. I would have been disappointed of course but I would have hidden that and just told her I was sad she couldn't join but it's absolutely fine.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kubrickian · 27/01/2014 17:51

maybe she doesn't really like the activity? what is it

I don't want to say because it will out me but it is something she likes. I didn't chose something that only I would like such as a dance class or something.

OP posts:
Farrowandbawl · 27/01/2014 17:51

Why don't you just do something else? Why do you have to do an activity?

It's just a birthday and to be honest I wouldn't be happy about spending that for an "activity" for the birthday of a grown up.

Juno77 · 27/01/2014 17:54

The choice of activity is irrelevant.

The OP has decided what to do, most of her friends are happy to do it too. Stop commenting on her choice of birthday activity - she isn't inviting you!

OP I do think there's another reason. Maybe she can't afford the whole thing after all, or something else. But it's not for the sake of £2.

I'd just leave it and she won't come. Maybe you'll find out why, maybe you won't. It is odd.

Mintyy · 27/01/2014 17:57

I think she probably just doesn't want to do whatever it is and the extra £2 gives her an excuse to get out of it. I'm glad to see that you aren't going to fall out with her over it.

HeadfirstThroughTheTimeVortex · 27/01/2014 17:59

It doesn't matter what the activity is, the friend knew what the activity was and roughly what it would cost before deciding to go along.

If she didn't like it she could have declined the invitation.

TheCraicDealer · 27/01/2014 17:59

She probably wasn't fussed about doing said activity in the first place and when she saw the price increase it was the excuse she needed to get out of it.

allthingsfluffy · 27/01/2014 18:03

Maybe she could afford it when she first agreed but now she can't and she's basically saying even £25 would be too much, but because of the price increase you think its the extra?

Original poster
Kubrickian · 27/01/2014 18:06

It's just a birthday and to be honest I wouldn't be happy about spending that for an "activity" for the birthday of a grown up.

Irrelevant. We as a friendship group who always celebrate each others birthday. Why not?

We went to Go Ape a couple of months back for one - not my cup of tea but I still had fun.

It's nice to get everyone together and sometimes do something a little different - within reason. So what if I'm a grown up? Does that mean birthdays and fun are cancelled?

I wouldn't judge someone if they decided they didn't want to celebrate their birthday and I wouldn't judge someone if they did.

Life in general - work, eat, sleep can become boring fast, so I think why not have one day a year to celebrate how you would like too.

OP posts:
sarahquilt · 27/01/2014 18:14

it sounds like a fake excuse to me.

Joysmum · 27/01/2014 18:18

Maybe something has happened and she's glad of the excuse to get out of it?

Heathcliff27 · 27/01/2014 18:21

Yeah I'm with the others, sounds like just an excuse tbh.

SarahAndFuckTheResolutions · 27/01/2014 18:32

Drinks or a meal could easily cost the same or more, so why does it matter if the OP wants to do an activity?

It does sound like a fake excuse to me. I know that every penny can count but for the sake of £2 in this case it doesn't sound like the activity is out of her reach.

deardarlingpleaaeexcusemywriti · 27/01/2014 18:40

I would just accept that she doesn't want to go.

I would hate it, personally. But then I don't 'get' adults expecting other adults to spend lots of money on celebrating each other's birthdays (I do get that this isn't relevant, though, since your friend clearly is in the camp of 'getting it' if she's done it herself).

HeadfirstThroughTheTimeVortex · 27/01/2014 18:44

Ooh, my dd wants to do Go Ape with a couple of friends for her birthday, is it worth it?

lilolilmanchester · 27/01/2014 18:47

She might be miffed at the 'come to my birthday and it will cost you xxx '.... I think it's ok to ask people to pay for drinks, but beyond that YABU... I am still stinging from a friend's 40th costing me over £100 before gifts and booze, so she could have the party she wanted without paying for it . If she's such a special friend, offer to pay ... 'Only'£27 after all....

pussycatdoll · 27/01/2014 18:50

Is it just £27 though ?

Or is it also food & travel on top of that ?

Ragwort · 27/01/2014 19:39

I would agree that she probably just doesn't want to do the activity or maybe it clashes with something else and she is embarrassed to give that reason. I have sometimes been invited to events that I really, really don't want to go and it is easier to say 'it's out of my budget' than 'I can't stand the thought of going to the ballet'

Just accept that she isn't coming and enjoy it with the rest of your friends.