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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to tell him to go back to where he came from?

68 replies

ohhifruit · 27/01/2014 17:36

My BIL that is.
He is a nice guy but very fussy and I'm about to snap.
We are currently living in a small flat with 3 DC, 1 on the way, I run a business from home, DH has a busy job which he likes to wind down after once home and we're in the stressful process of buying a house.

BIL has been living in Brazil for the last 3 years and showed up on our doorstep on Boxing Day. It was a wonderful surprise and we had a great old family time. He asked if he could stay "for a about a week", we knew it would be a struggle space wise but a week is nothing, he is family. He is booked to go back to Brazil in March. He told us he had plans to float around visiting old uni friends, stay with his parents and to go to Spain for a few weeks.

HE HAS BEEN HERE FOR A MONTH.
He sleeps on our sofa which is in the only room that isn't a bedroom or bathroom - where all the living is done, it is living room, office, dining room, kitchen all in one.
I feel I have to tip toe around getting the children up for school, fed, clothed and out door whilst trying wrangle a toddler and run my business.
He just sits there and makes grand plans for the day over breakfast to visit museums or hop on a train somewhere exciting but when I come back from the school run he is still there, in his pants, unwashed at 9.30.

He moans our food isn't up to scratch, we don't have enough 'high brow TV' and that we read The Guardian. He has been here a month and whilst I know we shouldn't feel put out when it is family I DO. We are doing mortgage-y things and feeding an extra (fussy) adult is bloody annoying. He has never once put his hand in his pocket or bought a pint of milk but will go to the shop and buy a whole salami, a loaf of bread and a bottle of beer and have the whole bloody lot for lunch.

Last week I added him to the cleaning rota (we have a blackboard cleaning rota which our sons have small tasks and us parents have bigger) to do a quick hoover of the living area and take the bins out and he wiped the chalk off the board when I wasn't looking! I was so angry I picked up DD, put the dog on the lead and marched to the park in anger.

He moans about everything, he can't see the positive in anything. From politics, literature, art, fashion, general chatter, films, economics, ANYTHING, every single thing is "dull", "boring", "a bit daft" or just damn well not up to his standards. I think he is a hipster but he doesn't even like things that hipsters like. He hates everything anyone hates, which doesn't leave him with a lot to converse about.

DH is frankly a pussy, he is so good in other "manly" ways but standing up to family is not one, no matter how hard I push him. He idolises his brother because he is older and 'cooler' but I know he is fed up too, he just wants to sprawl on the sofa and watch Breaking Bad whilst eating non-organic crisps.

AIBU to ask him to leave?

OP posts:
Shente · 27/01/2014 17:41

Yyyy please ask him to leave, I can't believe you've put up with him so long!

ohhifruit · 27/01/2014 17:42

He hates everything anyone hates
should be
He hates everything anyone likes

OP posts:
LemonBreeland · 27/01/2014 17:45

There is not a snowballs chance in hell I'd be tiptoeing around with my kids after a month!

Tell him clearly to get the fuck out! You are being a saint or stupid!

NatashaBee · 27/01/2014 17:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouTheCat · 27/01/2014 17:50

He sounds like an arse.

Tell him his 'week' has been 3 weeks too long and it's time for him to move on as you have things to do. And then don't invite him to stay again and point him in the direction of the nearest Travel Lodge where he can moan to his heart's content.

Greenmug · 27/01/2014 17:51

You are a saint. Tell him to do one.

squoosh · 27/01/2014 17:54

You deserve Sainthood and Damehood and lots of other hoods.

BIL needs a hood over his head, some bricks tied to his ankles and into the river he goes.

How are you not furious with your husband for not telling his brother to cop the fuck on?

AnyFucker · 27/01/2014 17:56

Deary me

Tell him he goes. Tomorrow, no more discussions to be had.

SireeDubs · 27/01/2014 17:59

Poor you OP. I had a similar (but much shorter) experience with my BIL and his kids. It's just rubbish isn't it?

I too have a wonderful DH who is fab at being involved and engaged with anything bar telling members of his own family the truth about what a pain in the arse they can be. It's caused loads of rows here.

After a month (and with the poss of 2 more), I think you have to have a chat, led by DH. LOts of positives about how great it's been, but now fuck the fuck off. If DH won't (and that's sad, but don't beat him up about it, as mine is great otherwise), then unleash hell or at least put him straight about the guardian. Wink

Let us know how things pan out but YADNBU. Cake

Supercosy · 27/01/2014 18:00

Blimey yes!!! Tell him to go! I thought I'd had inconsiderate guests but they were charm personified compared to him!

LindyHemming · 27/01/2014 18:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lottapianos · 27/01/2014 18:00

You have been a saint so far. He sounds utterly obnoxious. You do not have to put up with this in your own home. If you take the lead on the 'we need you to leave' discussion, would DH back you up? Both of you need to get tough with this freeloader

Guitargirl · 27/01/2014 18:01

Ooooh, I would be spitting feathers at your BIL and your husband.

Time for some straight-talking, just tell him you can't accommodate him anymore, it's not convenient for your family. His 'floating around' needs to start ASAP. And in the meantime, absolutely stop the tip-toeing around!

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 27/01/2014 18:02

Read him the riot act! He is taking the piss.

CatAmongThePigeons · 27/01/2014 18:03

Kick his arse out pronto.

YouTheCat · 27/01/2014 18:04

Good point, Guitargirl. Make as much noise as humanly possible in the morning. Make things inconvenient for him and stop accommodating his fussiness and he might well bugger off anyway.

thinkofablinkingnamewoman · 27/01/2014 18:06

He's a nob OP. You've done more than enough!

Topseyt · 27/01/2014 18:08

Present him with a one-way ticket back to Brazil. It would be tempting.

sarahquilt · 27/01/2014 18:10

kick him out.

sarahquilt · 27/01/2014 18:10

kick him out.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 27/01/2014 18:12

Tell him to go, tell him now, and then come back and report!

Definitely don't stop the kids being noisy in a morning. If he complains tell them its their house and he they have had to accommodate him long enough!

jacks365 · 27/01/2014 18:16

Tell him since its obvious now long term that you'll have to charge him and set the figure high enough to a, drive him out and b, pay for a damm good holiday to recover from the stress.

DontmindifIdo · 27/01/2014 18:16

Make it hell, send the DCs in to "chat to uncle XXX" at 6am when they wake up (wake them up if need be!).

Make noise, cook worse food. Don't do any cleaning for him, hand him cleaning products when you leave for the school run and tell him to clean the bathroom by the time you get back.

Ask him directly how much longer he'll be staying "as that week has become 3 and if you are planning on staying much longer we're going to have to ask you to pay towards the bills." (delivered with a smile)

Chivetalking · 27/01/2014 18:16

You've been more than patient.

Book him a hotel and change the locks.

AdoraBell · 27/01/2014 18:23

Just adding To the chorus of - tell him To Fuck off.

And your DCs, keeping quiet? Bollocks To that, start playing overly load Gámes with them immediately, lots of very loud laughter and running around the flat screaming their heads of with glee while you chase them before tickling them, To squeals of delight.