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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to tell him to go back to where he came from?

68 replies

ohhifruit · 27/01/2014 17:36

My BIL that is.
He is a nice guy but very fussy and I'm about to snap.
We are currently living in a small flat with 3 DC, 1 on the way, I run a business from home, DH has a busy job which he likes to wind down after once home and we're in the stressful process of buying a house.

BIL has been living in Brazil for the last 3 years and showed up on our doorstep on Boxing Day. It was a wonderful surprise and we had a great old family time. He asked if he could stay "for a about a week", we knew it would be a struggle space wise but a week is nothing, he is family. He is booked to go back to Brazil in March. He told us he had plans to float around visiting old uni friends, stay with his parents and to go to Spain for a few weeks.

HE HAS BEEN HERE FOR A MONTH.
He sleeps on our sofa which is in the only room that isn't a bedroom or bathroom - where all the living is done, it is living room, office, dining room, kitchen all in one.
I feel I have to tip toe around getting the children up for school, fed, clothed and out door whilst trying wrangle a toddler and run my business.
He just sits there and makes grand plans for the day over breakfast to visit museums or hop on a train somewhere exciting but when I come back from the school run he is still there, in his pants, unwashed at 9.30.

He moans our food isn't up to scratch, we don't have enough 'high brow TV' and that we read The Guardian. He has been here a month and whilst I know we shouldn't feel put out when it is family I DO. We are doing mortgage-y things and feeding an extra (fussy) adult is bloody annoying. He has never once put his hand in his pocket or bought a pint of milk but will go to the shop and buy a whole salami, a loaf of bread and a bottle of beer and have the whole bloody lot for lunch.

Last week I added him to the cleaning rota (we have a blackboard cleaning rota which our sons have small tasks and us parents have bigger) to do a quick hoover of the living area and take the bins out and he wiped the chalk off the board when I wasn't looking! I was so angry I picked up DD, put the dog on the lead and marched to the park in anger.

He moans about everything, he can't see the positive in anything. From politics, literature, art, fashion, general chatter, films, economics, ANYTHING, every single thing is "dull", "boring", "a bit daft" or just damn well not up to his standards. I think he is a hipster but he doesn't even like things that hipsters like. He hates everything anyone hates, which doesn't leave him with a lot to converse about.

DH is frankly a pussy, he is so good in other "manly" ways but standing up to family is not one, no matter how hard I push him. He idolises his brother because he is older and 'cooler' but I know he is fed up too, he just wants to sprawl on the sofa and watch Breaking Bad whilst eating non-organic crisps.

AIBU to ask him to leave?

OP posts:
Hissy · 27/01/2014 21:36

Want me to tell him to vá pra p*ta que o pariu?

Or tell him to stop enchendo saco?

Seriously, he's outstaying his welcome and it's having too detrimental an effect on your family.

He needs to find somewhere else to stay until March.

AnyFucker · 27/01/2014 21:40

Hissy, is that a direct translation of "fuck off" ?

TheMaw · 27/01/2014 21:40

He sounds like a total dick, even reading your OP made me all twitchy. Out!

handcream · 27/01/2014 21:40

So everyone is saying that he needs to go and you can do it nicely or not so nicely.

What are YOU going to do then. These threads get a bit boring as its very obvious what needs to happen but they go on an on with all saying what needs to happen (for pages and pages!)

longtallsally2 · 27/01/2014 21:46

You have three young children. What time do they wake up? Why aren't they being dispatched into the lounge to jump on their uncle the settee early every morning?

No need to tell him to go. Make him part of the family - bounce him out!!

diddl · 27/01/2014 21:46

Well if you're the one working cleaning around him and being inconvenienced by him, l don't see why you shouldn't tell him to go if your husband won't.

Hissy · 28/01/2014 06:56

AF, actually I believe it's stronger than a mere fuck off.. Wink

It does however mean go away in the strongest possible sense :)

saintlyjimjams · 28/01/2014 07:07

Don't bother hinting - he sounds a professional piss taker. Just be direct with no room to wriggle 'you've been here a month, I can't continue to run around after you, we need our house back - time to move on. Lovely to see you but a week is the most we can manage - for future reference.' Or he'll still be there when you're in labour

And yes stop tiptoeing around. Turn the light on in the morning, say 'I need you to leave this room now as I need it for the business - please load the dishwasher while I get on with some work'

maparole · 28/01/2014 07:37

As a bit of an aside, I also think your dh needs to get past his hero-worship of the older brother: he may have been cool and admirable once, but he is clearly nothing more than a disillusioned and miserable scrounger now.

Aspiegirl
You quoted the OP out of context and the only one being hysterical is you.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 28/01/2014 11:45

Please tell us, he's gone Smile

Somebody pissed on AspieGirl's cornflakes yesterday and she's been forwarding the favour on this and another thread Grin

ExitPursuedTheRoyalPrude · 28/01/2014 11:48

Do tell us he is on his way.

YellowTulips · 28/01/2014 11:57

He's a miserable arsey freeloader and will bleed you dry financially and emotionally.

If he is still around tell him he can shove his salami up his ass Blush

Pippilangstrompe · 02/02/2014 19:19

Has he gone?

RussianBlu · 02/02/2014 19:22

Tell him to go away right now! Come on , update us!

isitme1 · 02/02/2014 19:31

Update please :)

RandomMess · 02/02/2014 19:35

Shock I really hope he's gone!

Anniegetyourgun · 02/02/2014 19:49

Maybe the OP has been arrested for striking BIL with a heavy object. In that case she'll be back soon. Not a jury in the land would convict her.

LongTailedTit · 02/02/2014 20:52

Ah but if the heavy object was one if BIL's lunchtime salamis, she could've just eaten the evidence. The perfect crime :)

OP - perhaps you could write out "vá pra p*ta que o pariu?" on the blackboard?

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