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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at dp for never taking photos of the kids and I?

80 replies

smuggler · 26/01/2014 23:03

Was looking through photo albums with dd today and realised I have literally hundreds of photos of the kids with dp but hardly any with me. Now I'm not particularly photogenic and don't like having my photo taken unless it's with dp/the kids which I've told him many times but it makes me sad to think there's no real record of our time together. The only photos I have with the kids are ones when dp has interrupted whatever we're doing to get us to say cheese so they look staged and false anyway.

I have lovely photos of the kids and dp curled up asleep together, dancing, reading, laughing etc. I have told dp on many occasions how much I love natural photos. I would love to have photos to mark the hours and hours of my life I've spent breastfeeding, of the kids and I co-sleeping, of the look of delight on the kids faces when I'm reading to them or tickling them and so on. I've spoken to dp and he said to tell him if I want him to take a photo, but then the kids automatically change or he tries to get them to look at the camera and the moment is lost. Aibu and over-sentimental to want photos like these with my children?

OP posts:
Cheesyslice · 27/01/2014 10:23

YANBU. I could have written that post, OP. It upsets me. I started off casually commenting on how few pictures his very of me and DS. I quickly abandoned that and just told him to start taking more pictures as it was upsetting me. He's much better now but is shit with a camera so I have to put up with blurry, out of focus shots. Better than fuck all though Grin

harryhausen · 27/01/2014 10:28

Yanbu.

My dcs are 9 and 6. Recently dh and I had a bit of a marriage wobble (well I did!). It has only now occurred to me that I have one faded, dark picture of me with my first newborn and none of dc2 as a baby. My heart breaks at the idea that these moments have long gone.

There are plenty of beautiful photographs of dh with the newborns and the toddlers etc. Plenty of lovely pics of dcs on their own & together. Loads of lovely pics with the grandparents.

What hurts me the most is that at the time no-one thought it 'nice' to have a photo of me and the child I had just delivered safely. No-one thought of me it seems. I'm hurt by everyone, dh, my parents, his parents.....no-one thought.

I think my head has been in a fog. Just after the birth I wish someone had just taken charge and taken them. It looks like I had nothing to do with them being born. I could literally sob my heart out at the loss.

BornOfFrustration · 27/01/2014 10:33

Same here, it still irks that I don't have the 'sitting in a hospital bed with a brand new baby picture'. Also, same as agoodpirate, I take several pictures in a row to make sure I get one good one of him and DD. If I pester him to take one of us, he'll take one. Usually has my double chin showing.

TinyTear · 27/01/2014 10:38

I agree, I get the same as well... I have to ask him to take photos and things are never as natural...

IWantToSCRRREAM · 27/01/2014 10:38

YANBU. My DP is the same. DC2 is 6 months old and there are 2 pictures of us together. 2! Sad

HootyMcOwlface · 27/01/2014 10:50

YANBU. Its the same at our house. I cried and cried when I realised there are no photos of me with my newborn son. The first one of us together must be at about 4 weeks. I have to keep asking if I want them.

BertieBottsJustGotMarried · 27/01/2014 11:22

It is NOT a man thing, it's clearly a personality thing. (Although it may be the case that the trait tends towards men rather than women). There are a few posts on here saying the opposite is true! And I bet people who both take photos or who neither of them take photos have skimmed over the thread because it isn't interesting/relevant to them.

In my case I think DH isn't really that interested in photos and wouldn't sit and look through them whereas I get a lot of pleasure from that. So he doesn't really think to take them. He will take pictures of nice landscapes etc but not so much of people. Whereas I take more pictures of people and things I find interesting and tend to find landscapes a bit boring.

I think he has taken "natural" photos of me and DS 2 or 3 times. But then, I'm fairly into photography, and he isn't.

dontmesswithmytutu · 27/01/2014 11:58

Harryhausen, your thread made me cry because despite my previous lighthearted post i truly empathise. I'm a sahp having devoted 9 years to our dc3. The pictorial record says I've been entirely absent (other than those hands shots I mentioned earlier).

Literally 10 minutes after posting my last post on this thread my dh took our youngest child out in the yard to help her ride her new bike. He left with the words, will you take some photos of us (him and her). Oh the irony ...

satsumasunrise · 27/01/2014 12:25

YANBU, same here. In fact I can feel my blood pressure rising at the very thought of it.

It's so bloody annoying.

TunipTheUnconquerable · 27/01/2014 12:28

I can't take decent photos because I have quite bad tremor, and it is damn hard work persuading dh to, so I am training my kids. Digital cameras are great - a 5yo can take better photos than I can, and now dd is 8 she has done some really nice ones.

Catrin · 27/01/2014 12:49

Another one here... I am gutted that after years of TTC, there are no photos of me pregnant. There are a handful of me with dd, mostly because I asked for them then felt like a knob posing for it.
My biggest, hugest fear, is that I will die while she is still young and it will be like I never lived, except in her mind. And then those memories will fade and she won;t have anything to look at and remember me.

Original poster
smuggler · 27/01/2014 13:05

That is a fear of mine catrin Sad

I have one photo of me pregnant with dd1. With dd2 I got dd1 to take photos of me pregnant and have loads. Dd1s dad was (is) such an arse that just before dds first Christmas my camera broke and I begged him for a camera for Christmas so I could take pictures. He bought me a Jamie fucking Oliver chopping board that cost £80 that he wanted and refused to let me borrow his camera Angry

Dp loves looking through photos and takes loads of the kids. His phone has a decent camera so it's always with him but he just doesn't take photos of me. He takes selfies with the kids as well as me taking ones of them so there's tons of them. He does 'see' moments because he gives me the look to take a candid photo when it's him experiencing one but when it comes to me he either doesn't bother or disrupts it to get us to pose.

OP posts:
notso · 27/01/2014 13:06

I'll gladly hire out my DH he is always trying to take loads of pictures of me and I hate it.
I hate the way I look, really hate it. I cry when I see photos of me, I usually delete them. My DC don't want a load of pictures of their fat, ugly mother.

harryhausen · 27/01/2014 13:09

Awww don't mess. I'm sorry I made you cryGrin (she laughs!).

I think this very subject is quite raw for me though and it's only very recently hit me - my apparent absence from family records.

Yes indeed, the irony of your dh's timing with his photo requests!

misscph1973 · 27/01/2014 13:22

Wauw, taking photos seem to be a mummy job! My DH doesn't take many photos because he has very poor eye sight. I take loads of photos because I am a good photographer and I enjoy it. I get my mum and my sister to take photos of me, so I do have some, but as I am very vain, I don't keep many of myself because I don't look great in many ;)

DeWe · 27/01/2014 14:10

Could be worse. My df is a keen amateur photographer. Big camera and all that. Dm used to see him snapping away on holiday and then get upset when the film was developped. 32 pictures of landscape, 1 which was meant to be of landscape but one of us dc got in the way, 2 of her, and 1 of (at least one) dc. Grin

Our photos don't tend to have me or dh in. We take lots of action snaps of them doing stuff, but neither of us tend to be in. If I was having a nice cuddle with the dc though, I'd be enjoying that rather than thinking "photo opportunity"-but I don't like being in photos.

purpleprudence · 27/01/2014 15:04

Look on the bright side . If you've paid for the camera , film , processing and albums and taken ALL the photos of the family over the years then when you and him split up you don't have to feel obliged to split the photo archive with him . I did actually let him have a few photos of his ds but have kept the rest as a record of family and holidays over the years .

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 27/01/2014 15:09

Us too, except I don't mind at all.

pigletmania · 27/01/2014 15:10

Why don't you ask him to,take some? I have, and have some nice ones of just me and the kids.

Original poster
smuggler · 27/01/2014 22:12

I have piglet but unless I specifically say 'could you get your phone and take a photo of x right now' (which means it looks staged and is exactly not what I want) then he just doesn't

OP posts:
Notputtingupwithanyonescrap · 27/01/2014 22:41

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chrome100 · 28/01/2014 05:56

I don't think I've taken a single photo in ten years. Despite having an iPhone. It simply doesn't occur to me.

Eastpoint · 28/01/2014 06:50

W

Eastpoint · 28/01/2014 06:53

We had this problem after my mother died - almost no pictures of her. My father was really upset when he realized. I had some pictures of her with my children which I could print off for him. Now we are in the same situation, no one takes pictures of me.

TinyTear · 28/01/2014 07:03

notputting what a stupid attack. And missing the point completely.