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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at dp for never taking photos of the kids and I?

80 replies

smuggler · 26/01/2014 23:03

Was looking through photo albums with dd today and realised I have literally hundreds of photos of the kids with dp but hardly any with me. Now I'm not particularly photogenic and don't like having my photo taken unless it's with dp/the kids which I've told him many times but it makes me sad to think there's no real record of our time together. The only photos I have with the kids are ones when dp has interrupted whatever we're doing to get us to say cheese so they look staged and false anyway.

I have lovely photos of the kids and dp curled up asleep together, dancing, reading, laughing etc. I have told dp on many occasions how much I love natural photos. I would love to have photos to mark the hours and hours of my life I've spent breastfeeding, of the kids and I co-sleeping, of the look of delight on the kids faces when I'm reading to them or tickling them and so on. I've spoken to dp and he said to tell him if I want him to take a photo, but then the kids automatically change or he tries to get them to look at the camera and the moment is lost. Aibu and over-sentimental to want photos like these with my children?

OP posts:
Tabby1963 · 27/01/2014 08:17

I get what you're saying, OP. I too like 'natural' photos Grin. However, my DH does not think to take photos at all. Ever. Even on holiday. So, the majority of pics over the years feature him and kids with one or two of me and hundreds and hundreds of the cats lol.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 27/01/2014 08:21

do you leave the camera out in full view? could you ask him to do short videos on you phone? if you have a video camera can you set it up to film while you are playing instead of relying on him, forget its there then edit later?

SpookedMackerel · 27/01/2014 08:27

If you're not in the habit of taking photos, it just doesn't occur to you.

It never occurs to me or Dh to take photos, even if I bring the camera on a day out it just stays in the bag, or in my hand, and we at best end up with a couple of photos. The in laws have WAY more photos of my DC than I do, and we only see them about 20 days a year ( the in laws, not the photos!)

I wish I could get into the habit of taking photos.

Recently I've been giving the camera to 6 year old dd ondays out. Lots of random photos of ttrees and shadows and feet and birds and clouds and a few nice ones of the family.

Lancelottie · 27/01/2014 08:30

SpookedMackerel weirdly, about the only photo of me that I actually like was taken by my middle child. He called me, I turned to look at him and he clicked it's honestly a lovely picture.

Good thing I didn't turn round with my ogre face and snarl at him for saying muu-uuuum for the thousandth time, really.

Lancelottie · 27/01/2014 08:31

Whoa, what happened to the crossing out in that one??

Should say
SpookedMackerel: weirdly, about the only photo of me that I actually like was taken by my middle child. He called me, I turned to look at him and he clicked -- it's honestly a lovely picture.

TawdryTatou · 27/01/2014 08:33

My stbxh was like this. There aren't even any pictures of me pregnant!

DP is always taking little snaps of me and the boys, just doing our thing. I really notice the difference. It's just another way he shows his love.

moogy1a · 27/01/2014 08:34

Kids and me; not kids and I
Sorry, I will get myself to pedants' corner!

FunnyBird · 27/01/2014 08:36

I really think you shpuld ask him to take them.
I've been looking through my old family photos (me and brother and sisters). I think the only family photo we have with all four of us and both parents was when my sister was born. my mum died when my sister was nine. I wish we had more pictures.

Slapntickleothewenches · 27/01/2014 08:36

God yes OP, I feel the pain!
DH is quite frankly crap at photos. Any I have of DS and I are staged, slightly off centre (and not in an "oh so artistic" way either) and just generally shit. As DS is older I have Taken to doing the "selfies" of us together as thy seems better than nothing. I love the idea of the time lapse family though and am definitely pinching that for next weekend :o

Slapntickleothewenches · 27/01/2014 08:36

God yes OP, I feel the pain!
DH is quite frankly crap at photos. Any I have of DS and I are staged, slightly off centre (and not in an "oh so artistic" way either) and just generally shit. As DS is older I have Taken to doing the "selfies" of us together as thy seems better than nothing. I love the idea of the time lapse family though and am definitely pinching that for next weekend :o

ethelhallow · 27/01/2014 08:41

Same here, only when I ask does a photo get taken and then half the time I look at it and delete because I don't like how I look in it... will definitely stop doing that though after reading that article.

dontmesswithmytutu · 27/01/2014 08:52

Rings very true here too OP but I feel very vain bringing up the subject. The photographic record of my existence is of my increasingly wrinkled hands three times a year when holding a birthday cake (usually lovingly made by me) in front of the 3dc. Their delighted happy faces, my wrinkly hands. Hmm

That's pretty much it, while loads of 'oo, I must capture this moment of dh doing something ( he should be doing much more often ) with the dc whilst he's doing it' type photos.

DrNick · 27/01/2014 08:53

" kids and me"

trixymalixy · 27/01/2014 08:57

Same here. I got quite upset about it at one point when I realised. He was never going to do it spontaneously so I make him take them now.

TheCrackFox · 27/01/2014 09:04

Same here. I thought it was just us but seems to be a bit of a "thing". Weird.

LilyBlossom14 · 27/01/2014 09:05

I had this too for years - utterly heartbreaking like I didn't exist. I used to ask ex to take pics and he refused or couldn't be bothered. Daughter & I take selfies now.

BertieBottsJustGotMarried · 27/01/2014 09:06

You just have to buy a super-geeky gadgetous camera with useless features like wifi, GPS and face recognition. DH loves taking photos now even if he is mostly giggling at the effects he can put on them Confused

daiseehope · 27/01/2014 09:09

us too I'm afraid. I would be interested to know if its a man thing. is anyone part of a same sex couple with the same problem?

Mamagiraffe · 27/01/2014 09:51

I just sent mine a link to this thread :-)

iammrsnesbitt · 27/01/2014 09:53

YANBU OP. Its been the cause of many many arguments in this house. Sad

DH hates taking photos as he says you 'should be enjoying the moment not taking photos of it'. He loves photos of him and DD though. Hmm

I took DD to a professional photographer not long ago and although the photos are lovely theyre still staged and very expensive.

As DH doesnt care I've solved the issue my own way - every few weeks since DD turned 1 (shes 3 now) I take her to a photo booth in the supermarket. £2 a go and we get a pic of the 2 of us - pulling faces, cuddling or whatever. I put the date on the back and I have a nice collection now. Its not quite the same but at least its something.

Trills · 27/01/2014 09:54

YAB a bit U to expect him to feel the same way about "spontaneous photos" that you do.

You look at a scene and think "that would make a lovely photo". He doesn't.

YANBU to want to be in some family photos, but you may have to accept that they will be deliberate photos of the "let's take a photo now" variety.

Brokeass · 27/01/2014 09:57

My dh is the complete opposite. He is always taking photographs and I now do the same.

When we met I did not even own a camera! I used to buy disposable cameras.

Growing up my dm only took photos on special occasions I.e. birthdays. No photos in the park, at Christmas, on days out, at relatives homes, at weddings, with school friends. All I have are memories Sad

Now I am photo crazy and have so many of the family. We have hard albums and online albums which I regularly update.

ShephardsDelight · 27/01/2014 10:00

I feel your pain op,

i'm rather snap happy so I'm always the one behind the camera, Angry

AGoodPirate · 27/01/2014 10:07

Us too!

It isn't the same if you have to say "take a picture" then everyone poses.

Also, DH will press click once after I pester him. I press click ten times. I get maybe two lovely pictures out of those ten showing one occasion. He has to do ten different occasios to get those two nice shots, the other eight times are fuzzy or eyes are shut or red eyed or someone has turned away or has their hand in front of their face or whatever. So those occasions are lost.

Crowler · 27/01/2014 10:15

Same here. I have the most beautiful pictures of my husband and the kids. None of me.

My husband is vain and can't abide pictures where he feels he looks bad (irritating). So the beautiful pictures we have are a small fraction of the ones which I've actually taken.

I'm always a hidden, roving photographer for the family. I love to surprise the grandparents with beautiful pictures they didn't know even existed. It does make me feel a bit let down that no one thinks to do this for me.

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