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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at dp for never taking photos of the kids and I?

80 replies

smuggler · 26/01/2014 23:03

Was looking through photo albums with dd today and realised I have literally hundreds of photos of the kids with dp but hardly any with me. Now I'm not particularly photogenic and don't like having my photo taken unless it's with dp/the kids which I've told him many times but it makes me sad to think there's no real record of our time together. The only photos I have with the kids are ones when dp has interrupted whatever we're doing to get us to say cheese so they look staged and false anyway.

I have lovely photos of the kids and dp curled up asleep together, dancing, reading, laughing etc. I have told dp on many occasions how much I love natural photos. I would love to have photos to mark the hours and hours of my life I've spent breastfeeding, of the kids and I co-sleeping, of the look of delight on the kids faces when I'm reading to them or tickling them and so on. I've spoken to dp and he said to tell him if I want him to take a photo, but then the kids automatically change or he tries to get them to look at the camera and the moment is lost. Aibu and over-sentimental to want photos like these with my children?

OP posts:
JessicaMLH · 26/01/2014 23:06

YANBU, but my dh is exactly the same so I have no suggestions. He says it never occurs to him, but I take pictures all the time. I'd love to have some candid ones like you mention (sleeping etc) as I have loads of him but none of me!

IsItSummerYet · 26/01/2014 23:10

Yep absolutely agree with you. I am always asking mine to but he just takes the piss!

screamingeels · 26/01/2014 23:12

No yanbu, however doesn't mean you will get your photos. If he doesn't think of these things no amount of nudging will get him to think about it. I've found best you can do is prime him just before - "we are doing baking, take pictures" or "of us in garden etc.".

My biggest bug bear is how few we have of the 4 of us as a family, as DH gets massively embarrassed about asking a stranger to take our picture. If I do it he's apt to wander off.

amyshellfish · 26/01/2014 23:15

My dp isn't one to just pick up the camera and just take photos - maybe tell him you'd really like a natural photo of you and the kids reading for example so if he notices your doing that can he just take a few photos. I think you will have to ask him till he develops a habit of just capturing the moment.

BumPotato · 26/01/2014 23:15

YANBU

There's no point in trying to change him though. The solution is to hand him the camera to take a pic of you and DCs directly after you've taken a pic of him and DCs.

GampyWabbit · 26/01/2014 23:16

Exactly the same in our house. Hundreds of lovely photos of Dh and the kids and only a few of meHmm

Lucylouby · 26/01/2014 23:17

Yep, we are another family with loads of photos of DH and children and very few of me with children. DH always tries too hard when taking photos, asking children to look and smile then they don't, he gets annoyed as the children aren't looking or smiling, and we don't end up with any photos of me with children.

MegaClutterSlut · 26/01/2014 23:19

my DH is the same. It just doesn't enter his head to take pics Hmm

Songofsixpence · 26/01/2014 23:20

Yep, same here too

One friend of ours even asked if I had been on a recent holiday as there were no photos of me.

We have a big wall of photos, they've been taken and put up over the 10 years we've lived in our house, there's 100s. I'm in 2

Even when he does takes pics they're shit, heads cut off, me gurning

Sleepyhead33 · 26/01/2014 23:20

YANBU. We are exactly the same and I feel really sad looking back at our many albums with tons of pics of DH and children and barely any of us. I have spent by far the majority if time with my children-yet no pics because it doesn't occur to him-arghh.
I feel as if hey will look back a their early years and think I wasn't even part of it. Not fair!!!

badtime · 26/01/2014 23:24

YABU. You should be 'annoyed at dp for never taking pictures of the kids and me'.

Original poster
smuggler · 26/01/2014 23:27

BumPotato the kind of photos I'd like are ones where the kids and I are so engrossed it whatever we're doing that we don't notice him taking a photo. I don't want to hand him the camera for him to order us into position, badger the kids into smiling which results in fed up faces or no photos. I spent 2.5 years breastfeeding and co-sleeping with dd1 and there's not a single photo Sad She snuggled to sleep on him once and I got a photo! Now dd2 is 19 months and again theres no photos of anything special we do and would like to remember

OP posts:
Raleighton · 26/01/2014 23:33

Tbh - you'd be better off organising a professional shoot with an independent photographer you trust. It sounds like it's not your DHs thing, so with the best will in the world he won't manage to photograph anything worth keeping. I am also the family photographer - and work quite hard at it. It's only about 1:100 photos that's actually nice - because photography is hard, and because kids get distracted.

Raleighton · 26/01/2014 23:36

Another thing that I did once which was hilarious is bought a stop-motion app for my ipad.

I propped it up in the corner of the kitchen and set it to photograph every minute. Then the app puts it together into a cute jerky little fast-forward of a family day. Iirc, it didn't let me add music, which I regret - but it was still fab. (must do it again...).

TulipOHare · 27/01/2014 00:00

YANBU, and I was thinking of posting this earlier today, spooky.

Same situ here exactly. Loads of great photos of DP and the kids, loads of great photos of the kids, all taken by me. The only ones with me in are ones I've ASKED him to take, and they are usually rubbish and posed-looking Sad

I have mentioned it several times over the years, but nothing changed. I am really sentimental by nature and it does upset me to think of all the beautiful moments I've had with the DCs, now lost in time. I suppose DP is just not the same as me in that respect...I wish he would look at us sometimes and want to capture the moment.

When I was growing up my dad was always taking impromptu snaps and my mum hated it Grin maybe there are just two types of people where amateur photography is concerned!

CrispyFB · 27/01/2014 00:06

YANBU. Same in our family, it applies to videos too - at best you get my voice. It makes me sad. I don't much like photos or videos of myself as I feel I look a right old state, but I also fully recognise the need to document history for the DCs when they're older. I wish I had more photos of my mother with us - similar circumstances, plenty of dad!

It's always always staged whenever I'm in them. I have millions of DH in all sorts of casual activities taken by surprise, but none whatsoever of me in similar.

Probably doesn't help his camera is on his phone(!) and mine is a professional-quality camera as it's my hobby/former job so he leaves family photography to me. It just never occurs to him to take any photos of us all at all, I have to tell him, and then the spontaneity is lost.

He does have plenty of photos of train platforms(!), foggy fields, sunsets and the odd few of the children so he is perfectly capable of taking photos (on his phone!) without me prodding him. Just not of me!

deakymom · 27/01/2014 00:17

i found this was very true with my first baby then i became a single parent and so she is pictured alone!

when i had my boys i demanded my husband take pics of me with the kids he looked at me odd the first time (i hate my pic being taken) but he has soon got the hang of it

maybe you just need to speak up?

TheMusketeer · 27/01/2014 00:34

OP this very issue has been the cause of many arguments with my DH...I kept taking pictures of him and our DC but there was none of me with DC. After my requests/reminders were ignored or forgotten, I told him that if there were no photos of me with DC, there will none of them together. I know it is most immature and silly but it has upset me so much that I cannot bring myself to take pics of my DP with our DC. There is a lot do resentment regarding this issue and I cannot get past it.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 27/01/2014 00:37

Me too OP.

bolshieoldcow · 27/01/2014 00:56

Chances are, he's not going to do it spontaneously. But if you ask him, perhaps he'll start doing it more often. Have you seen this brilliant piece? www.huffingtonpost.com/allison-tate/mom-pictures-with-kids_b_1926073.html It made me start asking my DH to take pictures with me and the DCs and now he offers without me having to.

Also, the slideshow at the end of the article? Have tissues ready.

Gowaygoway · 27/01/2014 01:08

I had our DD last year and she was 11 days old before the first picture was taken of me and her together. I took pics of her and DH within a couple of hours..... On my iPhone after a c section. Even DH's sister had her photo with DD before I did. I feel your pain OP

SumBex · 27/01/2014 01:22

That article was lovely bolshie.

Isn't this one of those universal truths acknowledged? I'm sure there was even am advert about this, p&g products I think - supporting mums or something - but it was something like mum is always on the other side if the camera.

Maybe women are generally more sentimental than men? I don't know but like all the posters so far, I've got about a dozen photos of me with the DC - nearly all are posed. And I take lots of photos as it's my hobby and I'm slightly obsessed Grin.

loopylouu · 27/01/2014 03:30

Me too. Not a single photo of me since I've been with dh and none of me and ds either.

Thousands of dh and dh/ds together though. It's like I don't exist!

StephenKatz · 27/01/2014 05:15

Same in this household Sad Masses of candid pictures of DH doing stuff with the kids - baking, dressing up, snuggling on the sofa. I don't appear to have done anything with my children over the years.

I had an operation a few days ago, and DD2 has been very snuggly with me whilst I'm on bed rest. Yesterday she crawled in with me and cuddled for ages, it would've made a lovely photo but even though DH commented on how cute it looked it didn't occur to him, and I'm sick of asking to be honest.

Sorry I don't have any helpful tips OP, I feel embarrassed and vain if I ask to have my picture taken, I'd love it if he just grabbed one of our cameras and did a few natural unposed shots.

LindyHemming · 27/01/2014 06:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.