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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sleepovers During Term Time

54 replies

Bookworm13 · 26/01/2014 14:59

Hi Folks,

Do you think AIBU? My eldest son (13) has been invited for a sleepover to a friend's next weekend for one night. I was on the point of saying no, only during school hol time but he really wants to go and then my DH said I wasn't being fair, so I very reluctantly said ok.

It's just I've spoken to alot of parents in the area and they said there seems to be a growing trend for kids and their sleepover mates to be allowed to stay up till all times. Alot of these parents, as a result, have banned term time sleepovers.

One of my friends had the weekend from hell just recently, after allowing her ten year old to sleep over at her mate's house.

When she went to collect her child the next morning, she said her DD looked like a zombie and promptly burst into floods of tears on the way home. Turns out they were allowed to sit up all night and she ended up not going to bed till 3am!

My friend said it took her DD almost all weekend to recover and she was exhausted, screaming and throwing strops, which isn't like the LO at all. Needless to say, her and her DH have banned her from any more sleepovers unless it is school hols and they said there will be no more 3am bedtimes!

My son isn't usually a moody boy but he does need his sleep and the last thing I want, is him coming home exhausted!

I don't want to upset anyone or embarrass my son, but I've heard so many horror stories recently about exhausted kids after sleepovers - how should I handle it? Should I try to drop a polite hint to the other boys parents that I don't mind him sitting up a bit later but that I'd prefer it if he didn't pull an all-nighter?!

Thank you.

OP posts:
Lottiedoubtie · 26/01/2014 15:01

Here, you can borrow my grip if you like.

A 13 year old staying up till 3am on a Fri or sat night with his friends is not a big deal.

Just say yes if there isn't much planned for the next day and let him rest then.

WorraLiberty · 26/01/2014 15:03

What Lottie said really

He's 13. I'm sure if he feels like shit the next day, he'll think twice about wanting to go again.

LeBearPolar · 26/01/2014 15:05

Well, I don't ban sleepovers for DS (10) during term time but then he has never been allowed to stay up all night either here or anywhere else on a sleepover! When he has friends here, they are usually in bed with lights off by 10 and then they may chat for a bit but usually drop off quite soon after that!

Why not see how this one goes and then decide how to handle future ones - if he comes back moody and grumpy, then you'll be able to tell him with perfect truth that he isn't able to handle sleepovers during term time. But I wouldn't ban it without giving it a go.

Poppylovescheese · 26/01/2014 15:05

Agree with Lottie

Original poster
Bookworm13 · 26/01/2014 15:06

Thanks. Yes, WorraLiberty - I know what you're saying about the "feel like shit" thing!

OP posts:
teenagetantrums · 26/01/2014 15:07

They are 13 they will stay up as long as they can. When mine had sleepovers at that age as long as i couldn't hear them after midnight i didn't care what they did, its just the shriecking of teenage girls that used to annoy me. The boys were never that loud, they just played on the xbox all night.He will be fine by school on Monday,

NadiaWadia · 26/01/2014 15:07

So long as it's not a school night then I don't see a major problem?

YouStayClassySanDiego · 26/01/2014 15:09

Don't ban him.

As others have said, give it a whirl and see how he is when home.

Original poster
Bookworm13 · 26/01/2014 15:10

Oh there's no way I would ban him from going. Thanks!

OP posts:
moldingsunbeams · 26/01/2014 15:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Groovee · 26/01/2014 15:15

I don't allow school night sleepovers. But if dd or ds want to go to a sleepover I don't tend to stop them.

hippo123 · 26/01/2014 15:18

He's 13. At that age I was clubbing until 3 in the morning. Personally i would be more concerned if he really was having a 'sleepover' than what time he goes to bed.

yourlittlesecret · 26/01/2014 15:18

I think sleepovers for the under 12s are a bad idea full stop.
At 13 though it's different. Sleep patterns change with puberty for one thing, you may find he can handle a very late night much more easily at 13. Either way I had to re- read your post because I thought at first you were referring to a school night rather than a weekend.
Once mine were about 13 but I let them do what they like on a weekend.
They sometimes do a red eye but they also like to lie in next day and seem to manage getting up early on a Monday ok.

Hoppinggreen · 26/01/2014 16:04

My daughter is 9 and she has had a couple of sleepovers at weekends. However, it depends who it's with, a couple of her friends that like to fall asleep by 10 have slept here on Saturdays and once during the week when her mum was in hospital but BFF is a bloody nightmare and when we tried to have here here overnight I eventually lost my rag at 2 am!!! She is only allowed to stay in the holidays now - she's booked in for half term already!!

arethereanyleftatall · 26/01/2014 16:07

13? And a weekend? Goodness gracious, let him go.
5 and a Monday night, perhaps not.

arethereanyleftatall · 26/01/2014 16:24

I wonder if the problem might be that people don't do enough sleepovers, so it's then so exciting they stay up till all hours.
We would have gone out most weekends, or had people come to ours, since dd1 was a week old. all the family together, so perhaps it's not the same thing tho. adults get a social life, kids enjoy themselves and normally go to bed around 8 or 9.

claraschu · 26/01/2014 16:29

I agree with arethereanyleft. We have lots of sleepovers; the children love them and they are often convenient for parents. Because sleepovers are quite common, the kids know they have to get a reasonable amount of sleep, so they stay up a bit late, but not till 3!

Starballbunny · 26/01/2014 16:30

Hands over grips, hairpins and hair elastics.

Honestly at 13 he should be able to handle a late, fro or Sat night. If he really hates it (one of DD1s BFs does, he should choose his sleep overs carefully. DD and her other mates know to let this one friend sleep. Although it does help they have known each other forever).

bodygoingsouth · 26/01/2014 16:38

our 13 and 14 year old dds often stay up on a sat night watching films later than we do, no idea what time they go to bed.

had lots of sleepovers with our older lads too but didn't start till around 11/12. can't imagine anything worse than a load of 9/10 year olds being a pain in the arse and running round the house.

he's 13, they sleep in till all hours in a sat/sun. no problem.

BellaVita · 26/01/2014 16:39

It will be fine. Honestly.

BrickorCleat · 26/01/2014 16:42

It never fails to astound me how fearful some mothers are of sleepovers.

They're supposed to be fun and the DC love them

And 13? That's quite old enough for a sleepover in term time or any other time unless I've missed something major?

Joysmum · 26/01/2014 16:58

My dd had her mate for a sleepover last night. Both girls have had sleepovers before where they had been up till all hours and learnt from that that they felt like shit afterwards. We didn't have an issues this weekend.

I'm not a fan by preventing children from making mistakes and the consequences of those mistakes. How will a child best learn? By being told by a parent that they will go to bed now or they'll be tired and grumpy, or by getting tired and grumpy and not wanting to feel that way again?

I'm very encouraging of DD having sleepovers.

shebird · 26/01/2014 17:11

I really hate hosting sleepovers as it equals no sleep for the whole family and a wasted weekend. They are an annoying trend at the moment and I wish they would do away. However my DCs are younger than your son an less able to cope with a lack of sleep. I would let him go and at this age let him learn the consequences for himself.at least at someone else's house he won't be keeping your whole family awake.

FiscalCliffRocksThisTown · 26/01/2014 17:16

My Ds2 us going for a sleepover at a friend's house next weekend and I am absolutely dreading it and want to cancel.

As this weekend, he could stay up a bit later (9:30) and he has been in floods of tears, moody and dramatic just from having less sleep ( normsl bed time 8pm).

Goodness me, the kid can't seem to cope at all with even a tiny amount less sleep. Wish he was like "normal" kids!

hmc · 26/01/2014 17:19

I try to avoid sleepovers over a weekend during term time. My dd is 11 and in Y7. Basically it means that she is poisonous for the next 48 hours due to no sleep. Weekend lie in are pretty critical to her and are how she recovers from 6.30. a.m starts during the week - however at sleep overs they tend to fall asleep at 5 in the morning but get up stupidly early at 8 (left to her own devices she would sleep in but friends wake early)

She can't afford to write off the weekend - she has football matches to play every Saturday and some Sundays and homework to do. I can only assume that people who are fine with it have dc who go to half-arsed schools where there is very little weekend homework.