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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sleepovers During Term Time

54 replies

Bookworm13 · 26/01/2014 14:59

Hi Folks,

Do you think AIBU? My eldest son (13) has been invited for a sleepover to a friend's next weekend for one night. I was on the point of saying no, only during school hol time but he really wants to go and then my DH said I wasn't being fair, so I very reluctantly said ok.

It's just I've spoken to alot of parents in the area and they said there seems to be a growing trend for kids and their sleepover mates to be allowed to stay up till all times. Alot of these parents, as a result, have banned term time sleepovers.

One of my friends had the weekend from hell just recently, after allowing her ten year old to sleep over at her mate's house.

When she went to collect her child the next morning, she said her DD looked like a zombie and promptly burst into floods of tears on the way home. Turns out they were allowed to sit up all night and she ended up not going to bed till 3am!

My friend said it took her DD almost all weekend to recover and she was exhausted, screaming and throwing strops, which isn't like the LO at all. Needless to say, her and her DH have banned her from any more sleepovers unless it is school hols and they said there will be no more 3am bedtimes!

My son isn't usually a moody boy but he does need his sleep and the last thing I want, is him coming home exhausted!

I don't want to upset anyone or embarrass my son, but I've heard so many horror stories recently about exhausted kids after sleepovers - how should I handle it? Should I try to drop a polite hint to the other boys parents that I don't mind him sitting up a bit later but that I'd prefer it if he didn't pull an all-nighter?!

Thank you.

OP posts:

pointythings · 26/01/2014 17:42

Got the judgeypants firmly hoiked, hmc?

OK, if your DC have competitive sports fixtures then they have obligations and so can't do sleepovers, but a late night one weekend night is no big deal. My rule is lights out at midnight and no noise, I've never had any trouble. Yes, they're very tired the next day, but all you have to do is plan homework so that it's done ahead of Saturday night, so work harder during the week. Nothing half-arsed about it, it just takes a little pragmatism.

Hoppinggreen · 26/01/2014 17:54

My daughter does the homework for her half arsed school, which somehow manges to be very high up the league tables, on a Saturday BEFORE she has a sleepover.

jacks365 · 26/01/2014 17:55

I read the op to my teens and they were both pretty horrified at the idea that it could be an issue for a 13 yo.Yes if they have something on the next day ie sports competition obviously they can't do a sleepover that night but I would trust a 13 yo to monitor that themselves and refuse before even asking me, again homework they know they need to get ahead of the work first so it's not an issue, if a sleepover is Saturday night they have the whole of Friday evening and half of Saturday to get everything done.

DrNick · 26/01/2014 18:01

oh fgs - term time? its the wekeend

DrNick · 26/01/2014 18:01

yabvu

arethereanyleftatall · 26/01/2014 20:14

Lol at half arsed schools. You couldn't be more wrong. Luckily as we live in a pretty unstressed household here, our kids are able to miss a few hours sleep/have fun/get hw done, without being poisonous.

pointythings · 26/01/2014 20:39

See, I get that there are some children who genuinely can't handle a sleepover physically. It's just that labelling everyone else who is relaxed about sleepovers because their children do fine with them as somehow poor parents who choose half arsed schools is a bit bloody rude much.

ladygracie · 26/01/2014 20:49

I am happy for both my children (10&13) to have sleepovers any weekend but the rule in our house (& their dad's) is that after a sleepover you have 2 early nights as otherwise they aren't pleasant. It works really well & there are no arguments about it as it is just what happens.

DrNick · 26/01/2014 21:34

I go up at a tinies sleepover and say go to sleep. Job done

pointythings · 26/01/2014 22:08

Well, exactly DrNick. You set the rules, you come down mm like a ton of bricks if they are broken and it's sorted. I don't get sleepover angst at all.

coco44 · 26/01/2014 22:10

You sound like a bit of a fusspot!
My DD at 7 went to a sponsored stayawake at a club she goes to and most ( aged 7-16) stayed awake all night.She managed til 4am waking up again at 6am.when i I took her home and she went straight to bed for 6 hours.Early night the following night and she was right as rain.

DrNick · 26/01/2014 22:16

me neither
i say : go and eat sweets and giggle and at ten its wuite"

i say to the mums I will be strict
they grovel gratefully ;)

DrNick · 26/01/2014 22:16

"quiet"

VikingLady · 26/01/2014 22:17

Jesus, either sleepovers have changed out of all recognition since I was a teen, or my friends and I were angels with uber-relaxed parents! We were allowed sleepovers on Fridays and Saturdays in termtime, and we were expected to behave nicely and be quiet after the hosting family was in bed. Is that not what happens now?

Bogeyface · 26/01/2014 22:25

Ime it depends on the friends.

DD (12) had a sleep over a couple of weeks back and didnt get to sleep until 4am. She was pissed off but the other girls (bar one) were determined to make it an all nighter, and the mother left them to it.

She had a sleepover on friday with the girl who was also tired. They went to bed at 10pm and started watching Hunger Games with popcorn etc and both woke up yesterday morning with popcorn in their beds, they hadnt made it halfway through before they fell asleep!

So in future I will say no to the first girls invites during term time and yes to the second girl.

Bogeyface · 26/01/2014 22:26

Oh and is it just me that is pissed off that the accepted phrase is now "Sleepover" and not "Staying the night" as it was when we were kids?! :o

BlueSkySunnyDay · 26/01/2014 22:36

I let them do it Friday or Saturday night - they have had so many now that they know if I get any bad tired behaviour the next day it will be the last one for a long time.

I think its nice for them to have friends over - I leave them in charge of looking after them so they are the "host" not I.

I am lucky that my bedroom is not near theirs but if they are being too noisy at say 1-2am then I will knock on the door and say "perhaps you should be going to sleep now guys" I usually get a chorus of "ok" and they pipe down.

DS2 went to a sleepover at a friends house (10 years old) and was really shocked to be sent to bed at 7pm - I havent yet reciprocated as our parenting styles appear to be very different.

BlueSkySunnyDay · 26/01/2014 22:37

Both of my boys will go to bed late and then sleep in - unfortunately some of their friends are early risers and that isnt overly popular with either of my sons

Bogeyface · 26/01/2014 22:37

DS2 went to a sleepover at a friends house (10 years old) and was really shocked to be sent to bed at 7pm

How joyless!

I am not into all nighters, but surely staying up a bit is part of the fun?

Groovee · 27/01/2014 08:24

I can only assume that people who are fine with it have dc who go to half-arsed schools where there is very little weekend homework.

Did you mean to be so rude?? My dd is in the top sets for everything and gets plenty homework which she gets done ASAP. Nothing to do with half arsed schools, just your school not knowing how to spread homework out! She often gets homework on a Monday for a Tuesday and manages to get it done despite being at a drama group for 3 hours.

DrNick · 27/01/2014 08:48

its ONE night of 48 hours

fraeks

DrNick · 27/01/2014 08:49

i can only assume that parents who don't let them have highly stung, academically challenged,temperamental kids they helicopter?

ICanSeeTheSeaFromHere · 27/01/2014 09:12

Half arsed - how rude!

DD (9) went to a sleepover on Sat night. They baked cupcakes, watched monsters inc, ate popcorn and were asleep by 11pm. Hardly the be all and end all, and not something she does every weekend. She had a 45min nap whilst we prepared dinner.

Her school is ORGANISED and set a weeks worth of homework every Tuesday (to be returned the following Monday). We are ORGANISED and don't try to overfill her time... she attends swimming lessons, Brownies and tennis for a combined 4hrs a week spread over three evenings allowing ample time for homework and fun.

Social and life skills come in many forms... if only some 'half arsed' parents understood that.

Freckletoes · 27/01/2014 09:13

Well I'm obviously in the minority! My kids are not allowed sleepovers in term time unless it is for a birthday party. They are at school 6 days a week and we have had some shitty experiences of sleepovers that have written kids off for 48 hrs afterwards. Whatever people say kids are not going to moderate themselves and say-oh, it's midnight, I'd better go to sleep now or I'll be tired the next day. When they talk of a sleepover they are going to "stay up all night and watch x and eat loads of y"-the plan isn't to sleep! I have had younger siblings disturbed because sleepover friends are still up after 3am making a racket-dispute having had countless bollockings. I haven't yet resorted to taking kids homes in the middle of the night/morning but I know of people who have! My kids have been to friends sleepovers and been allowed to stay up until 5am which then completely writes the next few days off. I can't understand this obsession with sleeping over (unless for a birthday)-they see their friends 6 days a week during term time, are constantly in touch on phones/Internet etc. So I am the bitch mother who says no, we don't do sleepovers in term time and tbh I am amazed at the amount of mother's who then say to me what a good idea, they wish they did it.....then don't! Don't get me wrong, come holidays they can stay where they want for as long as they want and terms are only 6 weeks long so how hard it is really?
awaiting the fallout in response to this!

loopylouu · 27/01/2014 09:19

My 11 year old ds has sleepovers most weekends he's here (he's with his dad a few hours away EOW). They stay up until midnight/1/2am, it's fine with me.

I can't restrict to holidays as he's with his dad for two of the week long holidays and half the summer, so with factoring in our holidays and other peoples, he'd never get a sleep over if they weren't term time.

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