To think this was out of order?

[SumBex]

I've also posted about this in chat but I'm still silently seething so maybe I need some hard talking to from AIBU. Unless of course IANBU?

Backstory is that I got married last year and did everything myself for the wedding. On the advice of many friends and family and after two separate business offers, I decided to set up a business selling wedding things. For various reasons, including lack of confidence to do it, I have dragged my heels a bit. But just yesterday, after posting on chat and after getting some much needed encouragement, I have decided to go for it.

By sheer coincidence, I also received the invitation to BIL and SIL's wedding yesterday. They were well aware that I was intending to set up this business - they both made encouraging comments at the time. However, they have completely copied my invitations. The thing that has annoyed me the most is that word for word (except names) they have copied my wording. I made this up myself after feeling that standard invitation wording did not fit, so it was very personal to us. The invitations were from start to finish, my own design.

I realise that in the grand scheme of things, this probably seems very minor, but I'm really angry that they didn't ask me first, particularly in light of the fact that they knew I was intending to set up a business. I think it would have been the decent thing to do to ask first.

I can't say anything as I rather suspect this was done for a reaction and is a further example in a long line of similar behaviour, and to say something will play right into their hands.

AIBU and should I just suck it up and get over it or would this annoy you too?

Yes, I'd be annoyed. But - imitation is the sincerest form of flattery!

You could entertain yourself by making remarks to the rest of the extended family about poor BIL and SIL having zero imagination.

I think YAB a bit U.
Unless you copyrighted the invitations?
I'd be chuffed that they liked them enough to use them!!

In your other thread you said something about them including a poem? Any chance you could cheer us lot up with it? Nothing like a really crass crappy wedding present scrounging poem to brighten up a miserable wet Sunday morning!

I didn't copyright them as when I made them, I had no idea I would be encouraged to go into business doing this. Do I need to formally copyright everything? I will certainly do this when I start selling designs. This design will form part of the collection as I got many compliments on it.

I know I should be flattered but I can't see past my anger that she 'stole' my design without so much as do you mind? .

There is indeed a poem Dame. I shall indeed upload it later .

Yabu.

It really is not important in the grand scheme of things. I also don't see how it relates to you setting up a business?

Oh get over yourself ... It is a bloody wedding invite and no one is physically hurt by it.

Because they've ripped off my intellectual property without permission.

That is outrageous. YANBU op. Knowing that you made them yourself and were considering a business I just can't understand why they didn't chat stationery over with you first, even if they wanted to mimic it, they could have asked how you got it printed etc.

But how have they profitted from it? Not a legal from any angle, but surely you would hVe to prove that you have been financially damaged by it.

That's your wedding present to them sorted.

See the positive in it and use it to your advantage.

Inform them that you are now going ahead and setting up a business and that you are thrilled that they loved your design / wording enough to steal use it for their own wedding. Would they like you to do anything else for the wedding for a reduced mates rates fee so that you can get some more experience.

Ask them if they would they mind giving you a lovely review for your new website / Facebook page. Also, as they are so impressed with your wedding related talents, they clearly won't mind you leaving a few business cards on the tables for the other guests and maybe giving your new business a mention in their order of service.

When you say all of this ensure you use the line "Obviously you won't mind seen as you were lucky enough to be able to use my designs for free"

You can look for the positive or the negative in this.

The positive being that its a huge form of flattery OP

I would ask them if you can use their wedding invitations as an example on your forthcoming website "as you obviously like my designs"

You don't need to copyright it because if you designed it yourself it is already your intellectual property.

However I do think this is very different to the usual "stealing" of intellectual property - the invitations were for you own wedding and not something that you were selling and they are family. No one apart from the guests will see these invites and I can't see it having any impact on your potential business.

Also as someone who has run a homemade craft business, I would be very surprised if your invitations were totally unique. There is nothing new under the sun as they say. I'm not intending to insult you, it's just my experience that producing a unique product is virtually impossible.

I'm not saying I've lost any profit, the real damage is family relations because in my book, you don't rip other's work off without permission. I wouldn't sue family anyway.

I should be flattered but right now I'm angry and upset that they have such little regard for me.

She won't want to do me any favours by promoting my business. She doesn't like me very much. In any event, despite the imitation, it's been done very poorly and I wouldn't want my business being associated with them if I'm honest.

All my stationery matched, orders of service, table numbers etc. so I'm going to take a wild guess and say these will similarly be copied.

Maybe they didn't realise how serious you were about setting up the business. If you have been talking about it for a year, then maybe they thought it would never happen. As people have said, its clearly a great design and you should feel flattered. Take it as a kick start to get going!! good luck with it.

Yes, I agree that it's difficult to design something completely unique but I designed the graphics so whole there is the potential for something out there to be similar, they won't be identical.

When I gave out the invitations, she immediately contacted me to ask which 'wedding software' I'd used. I replied that I hadn't, I'd designed them myself using X design software. So she was well aware.

Even if from a legal perspective this was within the law, I still think that from a common decency perspective, it was not on.

Yes, I guess so Merlot. Her DP is self employed though so she should know more than anyone how long it takes to set up a trading business.

Poem goes:

Because at first we lived in sin,
We've got the sheets and the rubbish bin,
Unsure in our minds, of what we may need,
Not wanting to offend, or show any greed,
To save you shopping, sit back and rest,
A gift of currency is our request,
Don't go overboard or rob any banks,
Any little thing will make us smile with thanks,
The gift of money to the bride and groom,
Would go far to make it our perfect honeymoon.

So now you have put it on the internet ...!!

Get the post deleted ...

Sorry but those two first lines are not original, I've read them before...

And half of the population think that is cringey and naff on an invite.

this is the gift poem they included. This was the only original thing in their invitations as I didn't put a money poem in mine. This will have been pulled off the internet I would think.

Estimate the value of your intellectual property, then write them a note (in poem format if possible) saying that your wedding gift to them is permission to use your design.

We'll all help you if you're struggling to find the right rhymes.