Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this was out of order?

66 replies

SumBex · 26/01/2014 10:34

I've also posted about this in chat but I'm still silently seething so maybe I need some hard talking to from AIBU. Unless of course IANBU?

Backstory is that I got married last year and did everything myself for the wedding. On the advice of many friends and family and after two separate business offers, I decided to set up a business selling wedding things. For various reasons, including lack of confidence to do it, I have dragged my heels a bit. But just yesterday, after posting on chat and after getting some much needed encouragement, I have decided to go for it.

By sheer coincidence, I also received the invitation to BIL and SIL's wedding yesterday. They were well aware that I was intending to set up this business - they both made encouraging comments at the time. However, they have completely copied my invitations. The thing that has annoyed me the most is that word for word (except names) they have copied my wording. I made this up myself after feeling that standard invitation wording did not fit, so it was very personal to us. The invitations were from start to finish, my own design.

I realise that in the grand scheme of things, this probably seems very minor, but I'm really angry that they didn't ask me first, particularly in light of the fact that they knew I was intending to set up a business. I think it would have been the decent thing to do to ask first.

I can't say anything as I rather suspect this was done for a reaction and is a further example in a long line of similar behaviour, and to say something will play right into their hands.

AIBU and should I just suck it up and get over it or would this annoy you too?

OP posts:
thornrose · 26/01/2014 11:25

Oh thank goodness that isn't your "money poem" that just made me cringe Blush

Fairenuff · 26/01/2014 11:27

Ah phew, glad that's not your poem Sum. Are you going to put poems in your invites?

Original poster
SumBex · 26/01/2014 11:29

Indeed it's true you've committed a sin,
Stealing intellectual property is not the done thing,
In light of your behaviour so grabby and crude,
I hope you don't I am being too rude,
But the price of my work is worth pounds and pence,
At least £100, you know it makes sense,
So because I am a better person than you,
My gift will be a reluctance to sue.

What do you think? Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
SumBex · 26/01/2014 11:30

Fairenuff, maybe, but it will cost more Grin.

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 26/01/2014 11:32

You could offer a "With or without poem?" service I suppose but, really surely they have had their day.

Original poster
SumBex · 26/01/2014 11:33

I guess I will have to go with whatever the client wants. I'm not being paid to judge and it wouldn't make sound business sense to insult the customer. If I'm successful though, I would have plenty of material for AIBU Wink.

OP posts:
MrsGarlic · 26/01/2014 11:37

Maybe they thought your wording in your invitation was just standard? I'm not really sure there can be that many ways to say "x and y invite you to their wedding on this date at that time and place" really?! I'd be more annoyed about them copying the design than the wording but then again, there aren't really THAT many different ways to design a wedding invitation either IMO.

DameDeepRedBetty · 26/01/2014 11:37
Flowers

Thankyou for the verse - and nice to see you're getting your sense of humour back!

Mitchell2 · 26/01/2014 11:40

YANBU but sadly you need to just let it go.

A similar thing happened with my wedding. One of my bridesmaids was super critical of everything at my wedding and basically made me feel crap about the whole process.... Fast forward to two years and her wedding and I walked in and was shocked and almost very 'special' and 'unique' detail was ripped off from mine. I had no idea she was going to do this, and what was worse was that when people praised her for being so different and unique she just lapped it up. If was so obvious that even my husband made comments about it before I mentioned it to him.

As you are considering opening up a business, just ask if you can use anything she ripped off from yours as part of your advertising / marketing (RL client etc) I doubt she would pay ££ you but at least it's driving home a point.

Original poster
SumBex · 26/01/2014 11:41

That's the thing MrsGarlic. They clearly haven't even looked at other invitation wording to try and avoid ripping it off. There been to other weddings, I would put money on the wording being different for those. The copying of the design has annoyed me too. I think it's the fact that it was so blatant. No attempt whatsoever to make them different. Surely she must have known? But then I rather suspect that she was hoping for a reaction by doing this.

OP posts:
Original poster
SumBex · 26/01/2014 11:44

It's so annoying Mitchell isn't it? Did you end up saying anything?

I'm not going to confront them but I am annoyed. Our friendship circles are very different so the only people who will know what they've done are the very few family members attending. All their friends will no doubt be complimenting them when in reality, it's just a poor imitation of my ideas.

OP posts:
WooWooOwl · 26/01/2014 11:45

How much can wedding invitation wording vary really? The words pretty much say the same thing, even the guests that have been invited to both weddings are unlikely to notice, remember or even care.

I think you are overreacting a bit.

Logg1e · 26/01/2014 11:45

All it would have taken was, "We loved your wedding invites, do you mind if use the same wording for ours?". You couldn't say no, but it would have been nice to have been acknowledged.

You've just got to take a deep breath and let it go.

Original poster
SumBex · 26/01/2014 11:49

Without typing up the wording, I can't really explain, but it wasn't 'standard' in any way.

It's not just the wording, it's the whole copying of the design coupled with the wording. No attempt whatsoever to be different. I wouldn't dare do that to someone else because I'm honest and would think it unfair.

Agreed Logg. It would only have taken a quick message to ask. She felt able to ask me which software I'd used Hmm.

OP posts:
Mitchell2 · 26/01/2014 11:50

Nope, decided it wasn't worth it in the end....put I down to one of those things but really made me look differently at her.

My husband still hold a grudge though as she really was a cow to me at the time I was planning my wedding!

Original poster
SumBex · 26/01/2014 11:54

You've hit the nail on the head there Mitchell. She's been horrible to me over the years, particularly at my wedding and then has the audacity to steal my intellectual property Hmm.

You're more forgiving than me, but maybe time will give me some perspective.

OP posts:
FortyDoorsToNowhere · 26/01/2014 11:56

The first 2 lines are copied.

She was out of order to copy the designs though

Thetallesttower · 26/01/2014 12:04

How would they have a copy of these invitations?

I think if you have a unique product that genuinely isn't similar to anything else, you will have to protect it better by not giving it out to anyone thinking of having a wedding!

I am not sure how you are going to solve this- if you have a book of designs, then surely people could flick through and take the ones they want and not give you the money? I am unsure whether it is the design you are selling or the service (making them up, making them look great).

I guess I just don't get it, but I do agree that they should have asked if you gave them free promotional material rather than just use it- I'm just not sure why you gave it to them.

Original poster
SumBex · 26/01/2014 12:15

Forty, the only thing I have posted is the gift poem they included. I didn't write that and I'm not claiming they copied me as I didn't use a gift poem myself.

TheTallest, the invitations they have copied were the ones that I have them to invite them to my wedding. At the time I didn't think to say 'you can't copy these without permission as I designed them' as you don't expect your family/friends to do that.

Yes, I accept others might copy my designs. They'd have to find the graphics though. If anything, their invitation has proven to me that it's not so easy to get a good finish unless you know what you're doing as theirs are very shoddy. My initial reluctance was partly to do with the worry that anybody can do it so why would they pay me. This has shown me that actually not everyone can do it to a good standard.

OP posts:
Original poster
SumBex · 26/01/2014 12:17

The reply poem is my own though if you meant that one? I just made it up so if it's similar to anything else I was unaware Grin

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 26/01/2014 12:18

People get ideas for all aspects of their wedding by seeing others, going to wedding fayres, looking in magazines for inspiration. Tallest is right, anyone can copy your designs once they have seen them.

Original poster
SumBex · 26/01/2014 12:21

I accept it's a risky business but I'm hoping to offer more than just invitations. They shouldn't be allowed to copy them but I am going into this knowing it will happen anyway and just hope most people are more honest and won't do it.

Maybe I can make money from writing tacky poems then Grin.

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 26/01/2014 12:29

People will copy Sum and I don't even think it's about being 'dishonest'. Have you never, ever copied someone else's idea? Never bought a high street copy of high fashion design?

FunkyBoldRibena · 26/01/2014 12:30

See I look at it the completely different way.

I give away far more than I sell; as presents or as gifts or swaps to the less experienced and always always get much more back from people when I least expect it.

In fact I am so inundated by freebies back from happy people that I am having to downsize my collection and give it away to my students for their enterprise projects so that they can too have experience in the art of sales and 'loss leaders'.

I've even had people across the globe send me freebies just because they see the free offers I have made to people.

You should make this into a positive; 'Oh my gosh I am so flattered they used my design. Such a boost for the new business.'

happilyconfused · 26/01/2014 12:39

Or just make a comment ' gosh I wish you had let me know that you were going to copy my design. I would have achieved a much better finish. Never mind. Hopefully this will not impact my business. Just make sure you tell people it was my design but I did not make them'