To think this was out of order?

[SumBex]

I've also posted about this in chat but I'm still silently seething so maybe I need some hard talking to from AIBU. Unless of course IANBU?

Backstory is that I got married last year and did everything myself for the wedding. On the advice of many friends and family and after two separate business offers, I decided to set up a business selling wedding things. For various reasons, including lack of confidence to do it, I have dragged my heels a bit. But just yesterday, after posting on chat and after getting some much needed encouragement, I have decided to go for it.

By sheer coincidence, I also received the invitation to BIL and SIL's wedding yesterday. They were well aware that I was intending to set up this business - they both made encouraging comments at the time. However, they have completely copied my invitations. The thing that has annoyed me the most is that word for word (except names) they have copied my wording. I made this up myself after feeling that standard invitation wording did not fit, so it was very personal to us. The invitations were from start to finish, my own design.

I realise that in the grand scheme of things, this probably seems very minor, but I'm really angry that they didn't ask me first, particularly in light of the fact that they knew I was intending to set up a business. I think it would have been the decent thing to do to ask first.

I can't say anything as I rather suspect this was done for a reaction and is a further example in a long line of similar behaviour, and to say something will play right into their hands.

AIBU and should I just suck it up and get over it or would this annoy you too?

Fairenuff, although in this situation I don't have (nor do I want) legal redress, but if you are selling something which is your intellectual property, then the law is clear, it can be stolen and this is a dishonesty offence.

Funky, with any luck, my business will be successful and then I too will know that sometimes it's ok to give rings away. I'm not horrible though, in fact I have offered to do friends' invitations at cost because they are friends. If BIL and SIL had asked, I would have said ok. I think the difference here was that I was not offering something for free, they chose to take it without even checking with me. If someone stole a design I was selling I would be annoyed but this is more personal, not because I'm losing money, but because it proves that they have no regard for me.

I LOVE that idea happily. It's perfect, non chalant (sp?) but let's them know they shouldn't have done it.

Can I steal your suggestion please? It's not copy written is it? at least I asked

With respect, I think Happily's suggestion is a too strong and might sound a bit snide.

if you are selling something which is your intellectual property, then the law is clear, it can be stolen and this is a dishonesty offence

I don't know which part of the law you are quoting but there is plenty of evidence out there against that statement.

Who designed The Rachel hairstyle, for example. Is everyone who had that cut by a different stylist being dishonest? Copying is all around us. why else do those who look different stand out. I don't think it's dishonest, unless the idea has been copywrited.

Oh for goodness sake, it's just a wedding invitation. I barely even glance at the invitations, just to write the date & time in my diary & note the RSVP details. Yes, it's annoying from your own point of view, but is it really worth falling out with family for, or putting a downer on their special day? YABU.

This is the third thread in two days I have read about you and your fantabulous wedding and your amazing business.

Yawn.

It's not original, it is a modified version of a docstoc 'asking for money' piece!

Oh great, I missed the existance of a 2nd page :)

Never mind!

Yes there is done blurring of what constitutes intellectual property, but if something is deemed as intellectual property, then you can seek legal redress against someone who has stolen it.

Lady, I've no intention of falling out with them over this, not am going to say anything. I'm just venting. I'm sure nobody pays that much attention to wedding invitations. Clearly she did though, as she's gone to great lengths to copy them in do much detail.

allthings, I've mentioned the wedding on three threads in order to explain the background. The threads are all linked - one to ask if I should set up the business and get business advice, one to help me think of a name for said business, and then this thread. I don't think I've ever said my wedding was 'fantabulous', just explained why I thought going into business was a possibility. I've already explained that I didn't have the confidence to do it . If my threads are boring, feel free to hide them.

Please excuse typos. Bloody autocorrect.

Do you think that your design is so different to other invites that it would be deemed intellectual property? I know that you can get glass invites, for example, that's quite an original design. Is it something like that?

Actually, I don't know that. I know that you can get glass business cards, so I assume you can make wedding invites etched on glass too. If not, I've just come up with the idea and would like to make it clear that I claim intellectual property on it.

This particular design used my own graphics, so in that sense, yes.

I'm not saying I would or even want to sue them over it, I just thought that doing this was a bit off of them, particularly as they didn't ask, were aware it was my design and knew I would see them.

I'm not sure if I've mentioned here already but they have 'form' for this type of behaviour so it's yet another thing where they have zero regard for us.

I don't think you can claim the use of a particular material but you could claim that the etched design itself was your intellectual property if you designed it.

I sell hand crafted stuff, SumBex, and the whole idea of trademarked or protected design is a complete minefield that many people just don't ever get to grips with.

Technically you are right but in practice it is incredibly hard to prove, not to mention expensive, that a design is yours. Only logo's, names and such like are easily protectable. Intellectual property sounds easier but in reality it isn't.

Business wise, you need to search out accurate and appropriate info on what you can and can't protect. It will, to some extent depend upon what you make.

You need to let it go. SILs like yours (and mine) will always exist and your life is easier if you smile and move on.

Thanks Nomama. I realise it's incredibly difficult to prove that something is your intellectual property, particularly if some minor detail has been changed. I accept it's a hazard of the job.

Just feels a bit different when it's your family member that does this. It sounds like you know where I'm coming from with regard to SIL. I shall plaster that 'you don't bother me' grin on once again like this -> and continue to in private. That's why I'm grateful to have MN to vent on to save myself from having to do it publically .