to pop a note through dead neighbours door to ask if the car is for sale

[VeraZera]

The occupant of a house a few doors down from me has died. Family were there last week clearing stuff out etc. Curtains have been closed since then. I didn't know the person who lived there, but know he drove a car which is now parked on the drive. I need another car as mine won't last much longer and this would seem a decent low vehicle.

WIBU to pop a note through the door to the family expressing condolences and asking if the car is for sale?

But many people (who have been in the position) have said its helpful. Youve got to get rid of stuff so if you can get a fair price for something like a car without all the aggrievation you get by putting it somewhere like autotrader, then thats one less job to do, and therefore , IME was really helpful.
Not sure why people are jumping to the conclusion that op wasnt thinking of offering a fair price.
The only thing that needs caution is the way she approaches the family, IME

If it's addressed to the executor then it will be clear it's a business thing and the family won't open it expecting a condolence

(Disclaimer: I haven't read the whole thread so apologies if there has been new info since the OP. I just wanted to give my initial thoughts.)

My Dad died this week.

I would be horriffied if someone asked me if they could take something he owned (no mater how much money) just like that.

YABVU. Sorry

A friend of mine bought a house in similar circumstances a couple of years ago. His parents lived just up the road and he kind of knew the family vaguely, and when the old man died, he left it a couple of weeks and then as they were doing a bit of house clearing went up and started chatting, found out they we going to be selling the house, he asked if they could let him know when they were ready to sell and they did. Saved them the hassle of estate agents etc and it was done quickly.

I guess it depends on the family and the nature of how the person died. If the death was a shock I guess it may be more difficult to talk about getting rid of the deceaseds belongings. Different families react very differently to death and the practical issues that arise from it.

BumPotato I was furious. Absolutely furious.

Similarly, a neighbour's son asked us if they could buy the pil's house when we were clearing it.

A car is different, though. Or anything in the house. It's a bit vulture-like. I agree a note addressed to the executor would be a little more in keeping.

A note addressed to the executor: who's that?

My mother has a solicitor but I wouldn't expect anyone outside the family to know her name. In fact, if they did find it out, I'd feel a bit creeped out by that.

Actually, it's so raw I don't know who the executor is. Is it the solicitor or me or my siblings or a neighbour? We haven't gone into it.

Something saying: Dear Executor would jar with me whereas a note saying something like: 'Dear Limited and family, I am so sorry for your loss.

I've agonised over this and if you feel this is wrong please accept my apologies and ignore me.

But I knew your mother [insert anecdote] and liked her car and I would like to offer a good price for it.

If that's what you would like, I'd like to meet. If you don't want to, I understand. I'm sorry if I have offended you. That was never my intention.'

They'd get more brownie points for sending a wreath. But I'd be checking as to how close they really were because I am my mother's daughter

However, at the end of the day, my mother was a really practical woman. She'd have taken the best offer and would have wanted us to as well.

if I got a note through like that, limited, I would think it completely over the top, to the extent that it sounds insincere. I would far rather something honest and to the point - Dear Mrs, I was sorry to hear of your loss [even that sounds pretty yuck to me], if you are thinking of selling your car, I would be happy to take it off your hands for a good price. My condolences etc etc.

But I do think it's down to timing, which presumably the OP knows. Early days - no. Six months down the line, when obvious moves are being made to get possessions cleared - fine.

Other thing no one has said yet is the car might not be theirs to sell. It could be a motabilty car, or have outstanding finance on it or been left to a member of the family.

Sorry if someone's said this already, I've been trying to keep up.

Well, we're all different aren't we mrsOakenshield?

As I said previously on this thread, my mum died on 1 December. We haven't cleared her house. If I found a note like that I'd be receptive. You wouldn't. Hey ho.

When I posted I was being honest about my feelings and trying to help.

But if you think I was being over the top, insincere and pretty yucky, knock yourself out...

At the end of the day it doesn't really matter. We're going to clear the house and unless we find a Picasso in the attic it's all going to go for peanuts anyway so as long as anyone isn't being egregiously offensive they can say whatever they like to me because the worst has already happened.

Bloody hell, are you serious?? Ridiculously insensitive.

Limited, I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you're going through, you have my unending sympathy. And bazinga - that is appalling, what a pitiful excuse for a human! Do you throw eggs at her when you see her in the street now? Can't blame you for holding a grudge against her.

Opinion seems to be split on this - some people would be fine with an approach like this, others would be very offended.

However, the risk that you could be causing upset or offence to someone who is recently bereaved is NOT on I think anyone should take.

*not onE - oops.

I had people knocking on my aunts door after she died asking for bits of furniture and stuff, I chose not to give it to those people and made a point of giving it to a charity as I felt it was just out of order and cheeky. Maybe I was wrong Im not sure, but at the time I felt like they may as well just of gone and jumped up an down on her coffin.

My uncle died suddenly last Monday. My mum and dad have been sorting the house out. I don't think they would be very happy if you "popped" a note through his door asking about the car tbh.

please don't do this. The next door neighbours to my dad put a note through to say was his house for sale a week after he died. It was very very upsetting.

It's appallingly crass. I'm amazed anybody would be ok with it, and would you really want to risk upsetting somebody at a time like thus just fir your convenience?

But Fergus - as has been said many times already (if you've read the thread) it is enormously helpful, at a difficult time, to know that there are people who might be interested in things you have got to dispose of. Surely not many people have emotional attachments to a car ? It's a real hassle selling a car, so, one less job to need doing, is helpful to the bereaved too.

Now, I respect that some people don't like the idea, but find it strange that so many of those who don't like the idea seem unable to accept that others would find / have found it not only perfectly reasonable, but actually pretty helpful.

Point is, OP, there are mixed views, which is probably why it's worth having a chat, and trying to gauge the reaction in person, rather than the note, which seems very impersonal to me.

if i knew them maybe i would broach the subject IF they mentioned selling the house or items first i might drop in well if you're looking for a home for the car i would buy it/help you sell it but if they were a stranger no

I still can't understand the mentality of someone who walks past the house of someone who has just died and rather than thinking:

'Old Mr X at number 52 has died. How sad. I wonder how his loved ones are coping.'

thinks:

'Old Mr X at number 52 has died. Great, I wonder if I can get his car for a knockdown price.'

Pfft! Is this a reverse?

Why would you assume that they are going to sell it for a low price to a stranger? When various elderly relatives of mine have had to stop driving, the cars have generally gone to others within the family, usually given away but sometimes sold for peanuts. I'd be quite offended if a neighbour of my grandfather/parents did this.

I've read the thread, thanks. Most people seem to think its a terrible idea.

You are not going to cause pain by not offering to buy car.
You are fairly likely to cause pain if you do.

So, if you care about, you know, a touch of grief, then please don't do it. Also, I've never known any family to sell a car, they always seem to get passed to a favoured grandchild.

If you really want the bloody car, just set up alerts on ebay

Backforgood - Fergus is right. As this thread shows SOME people would be (or indeed, have been) very hurt and offended when approached this way.

So there clearly is a real risk of causing extra hurt and upset at a time when people are already grieving - why would anyone want to take that risk, unless they know the people concerned, and know for sure that this approach would be welcomed?

For me, the thought that I might hurt someone at a really bad time in their life, would be enough to stop me in my tracks.