to pop a note through dead neighbours door to ask if the car is for sale

[VeraZera]

The occupant of a house a few doors down from me has died. Family were there last week clearing stuff out etc. Curtains have been closed since then. I didn't know the person who lived there, but know he drove a car which is now parked on the drive. I need another car as mine won't last much longer and this would seem a decent low vehicle.

WIBU to pop a note through the door to the family expressing condolences and asking if the car is for sale?

No i wouldnt the person probably has not been buried yet it is in poor taste and really insensitive wait a few days and see them when they empty the house or something,

If you knew the man who died, knew his family & knew the car was likely to be sold, then I'd think it could be OK to offer to buy the car at market price, as it could help the family and give them one less thing to have to think about.

Otherwise, I think it's insensitive and grabby

Have your been inspecting the car, OP?

If not, how would you know what the mileage/condition is? How do you know what the price would be? Did you know/speak to this family at all before the death?

Is there a dearth of cars available for sale in your area that you have to pinpoint this particular one? You need to widen your scope - I believe that most car sales places will deliver a car to you.

I would be very annoyed with you if I were the relative. Don't do it.

My mum recently died. We haven't got round to clearing her house. That's going to be a horrible job. I cried today when I was tidying up my own house and found a birthday card from her with a cute duck on it. I kept all of them plus answerphone messages consisting of 'Hello, Limited. It's Mummy. I'm home'.

But life goes on.

If someone popped a respectful note in the door I wouldn't be offended. If it was a good offer I'd probably take you up on it because that would save me a job.

Just in case anyone thinks I'm callous: I loved my mum to distraction and am crying as I type this. But unfortunately life does go on and leaves the ones we love behind.

Limited I am so sorry about your mum

It is really refreshing the reaction to the op that there are so many decent people out there who would not try to use someone's death for their own gain and would respect the grieving.

Well, I'm clearly in the minority, but we were delighted when someone asked us if we might be interested in selling them my parents home after my Dad had died - really, pleased that we could sell it save Estate Agents Fees and start to sort out the estate sooner rather than later.

I mean, I wouldn't go for the note through the door approach, I'd speak to someone in person, just in a "let me know, when you are ready, if you are thinking of selling the car, as I might be interested" sort of a way. I hate selling cars, so I'd be very pleased if someone were to offer me a reasonable value for it, if I weren't going to use it, and wouldn't be offended at all if someone asked, if I'd decided I was going to use it - I'd just say that.

Thanks mrsjay. Even if we'd never spoken, I'd know you were okay because you are

Thanks all, it was bloody awful. After all these years it still makes my blood boil.

Did he say anything about a tin of paint

I think when you're talking flats or houses there is an ok way to do this and there is a benefit to the bereaved. A private sale can be quickly arranged without paying agents fees or leaving a house empty for a long time. ANYTHING else though there is no advantage to the bereaved, only to the buyer who hopes for a quick and easy bargain. Therefore it's a crappy thing to do.

I'd go along with that, NL but, if the bereaved wanted to sell the house, car or whatever quickly, there are enough people around them - hopefully - to whom they could make the approach and those people could pass on the message locally, I'm sure.

Some posters have said that they would't mind getting an offer to buy something from a relative's estate soon after the death (and know people who have been in this position), and would actually find it helpful.

However, as the opposite reaction is also possible (and most of us on this thread think it is much more likely) with the bereaved family feeling shocked and hurt by such approaches, it is not worth taking the risk. Better to be on the safe side, and not risk adding to the pain that relatives are already feeling.

What is so wrong about someone respectfully asking about things you have to clear?

I admit I skimmed though and I'm going to go back and look at baz's situation that I know nothing of but which sounds bad.

But my mum's house is full of stuff. Just like everyone else's mum's is. She didn't have a car. However she had some very distinctive/ugly '30s walnut furniture.

Shall I let a clearance company have it, or a dealer who speculates in that era or an amateur fan who wants to complete their home?

Do you know what? I'm probably going to think: 'Fuck it. My mum's dead. It's not a Picasso. Whoever wants it can have it.'

I took away a spider plant because it wouldn't get watered and I didn't want it to die. I took her cat too , even though he's a fucking pain in the arse, for the same reasons

He is becoming less annoying. It's early days for the both of us

Are you fucking kidding me?

Vulture much?

bazingasheldon I hope you know I'm being respectful. I just wanted to reply to this thread with my POV

I think there's a huge difference between asking sensitively about what the family are doing with a car (not that I'd do it) than having the gall to go to someone's door after a cheap x box because their beloved 15 year old has died.

baz huge respect to you for slamming the door. Sometimes people are just too polite when the most awful cheek has just been served to them. How many times do we think I'd wish I'd just told someone to fuck right off, when we've muttered excuses instead? I bet your mum was very proud of you that day.

Limited - I am really sorry to hear about your mum. Your first post completely sums up my feelings when we were approached about selling my mum's house.

The house needed a buyer, the buyer coming to us saved us a job. I don't love or miss my mum any less for it.

Just to add, that doesn't mean that I think any of you who would be offended are wrong. I'm not arguing with anyone, just telling you how it felt for me to be the one in that position IYSWIM.

And baz, that is awful. I think she would have received more than a NO! from me .

I'm currently clearing my dads house.

To be honest I wouldn't mind a note or someone asking me if we're going to sell it. Its going on the market and would save me the hassle of estate agents, etc.

Don't do it!

The thing about the note at my Nan's house was that they left their number and wanted us to call them, when they could easily have just stopped one of us (we were there a lot) and asked if it was going to be sold. It felt a little bit like they'd been waiting for Nan to pop off so they could pounce.
They also put a bit about how perfect the house was for them. Yes, and it's perfect for us too, and it's ours.
Now feck off!

Try to speak to them in person. Give your condolences and say it must be a difficult job. Decide during the conversation how to proceed.I have been in this situation and it would have been one less thing to deal with. Does not mean I love or miss my parents any less. They don't have to wait for probate to sell a car I didn't.

Non mn hugs to others who have recently lost their mums. It's the hardest thing ever x x x

limited it's fine, you're opinion is valid and if this hadn't happened to me, I might possibly agree with you as in most areas of my life I can be very pragmatic but the story gets worse actually.

The games system was only a month old and had been bought using Provident vouchers (which were paid for weekly ) as an early 16th Birthday present (brother died 3 weeks before) and the agent was THE friend! So, not only did she want to buy my recently buried brothers brand new games system that hadn't technically been paid for but she was also going to be collecting the money for it every week from my mother.

I was so angry about all of this that I scraped enough money together to pay the remaining balance off so that my mother would not have to deal with the weekly reminder of the pain this woman had caused.

Sorry, didn't mean to hijack the thread.