Is my new boyfriend weird/tight about money?

[laalmond]

...or am I just being a grumpy cow?
We have been together for five and a half months. We have a great time together, I do love him and he loves me. He recently had to close his cafe and so is now looking for work. He was not really making much to begin with. That never bothered me.
I am a single mum, self employed and on a very low wage. We share the bills when we go out.
He is loving, cooks for me, has fixed stuff in the house, very, very generous in the bedroom. Perfect right?
There are the odd tiny things that bother me, but I can't tell if I'm being too money focused or intolerant about it all.
He says he's going to do things and never does..e.g buy a book I wanted for Christmas, said he had ordered it, but obviously never did. Don't really care about the lack of Xmas present, more that he lied.

He comes round twice a week, does the cooking, but always empty handed. I know I'm starting to sound like a nit picking cow, but I'm trying to feed myself and two kids here..times are tight. I wouldn't dream of going to his without a little something. I'm not expecting him to turn up with tonnes of food, but every now and again, something would be nice. It's more about the attitude than the "stuff"
He will take some sausages out of my freezer so he doesn't have to go to the shop on the way home. Again, I know, who gives a shit about sausages, but they were for the kids dinner.
I, of course am saying nothing, being nice and just venting on the internet. Great.
He really doesn't have any money now, I know that, but it feels like he thinks I have endless supplies of food. He has asked me for money once, I gave him a tenner.
When I went for lunch at his cafe, he charged me full whack, the waitress was really surprised.

I think I just need some perspective please. I know he is struggling, but he has enough to go to the pub once a week...

[pinkdelight]

Agree that it's never acceptable to "not afford" to support his kids. His kids need to eat. He can't choose to not take responsibility for that and go to the pub instead. Well, apparently he can, but it makes him a despicable selfish shitbag.

[Loopytiles]

Totally unacceptable not to pay for his DC. If it transpires he doesn't, that alone would be good grounds for ending this.

[Walkacrossthesand]

It's one of life's unfairnesses (and if anyone can help with a strategy I'd be grateful!) that, confronted with a tight/entitled person, a fairly generous person defaults towards 'giving' - when they realise what's happening and start to pull back and refuse, the recipient often implies that they are mean/money-obsessed/whatever. The only comeback I've found is to say 'it's not about mean-ness, it's about fairness'. But it's awkward. And in your case, mandala, your DP sounds extraordinarily entitled and you are quite justified in pointing this out to him and requiring 'change or go'.

[equinox]

Some guys think single parents are rolling in it as we get 'helped' by our exes and the government.

Get rid of him is what I say!!

[pigletmania]

Mandala you need to stop this relationship now before you get in too deep. He doesn't contribute towards his kids, goes down the pub regularly when that money should be towards maintenance. He steals from your freezer food for YOUR children, he charges you full rice when you visit his cafe. Why on earth have you continued . Cut it dead now!

[pigletmania]

He goes to the pub regularly of curse he can contribute toward his kids. Stealing food from your kds so he does not have to out his hand in his pocket, but as enough fr the pub would b enough to cut the relationship in its tracks.

[Mandala72]

Thanks all. Just had a long chat with a friend. Just called him. Dumped.

[squoosh]

I think you've made the right decision and saved yourself a lot of heartache further down the line.

[SparklyTwinkleGlitter]

Good decision! x

[hellsbellsmelons]

Well done.
He needed dumping.
Good judgement though on your part.

[Chippednailvarnish]

You've dodged an expensive bullet!

[Mandala72]

Apparently I'm harsh and unfair. Ha.

[Chippednailvarnish]

Apparently he's a sausage sneaking freeloader!

[squoosh]

Sayonara sausage snaffler!

[pigletmania]

Good on you, god riddance. Dread to think how he would be like further down the line.

[hellsbellsmelons]

Apparently I'm harsh and unfair. Ha
This just shows you that you did absolutely the right thing.
He's a knob - and that is all you need to know!

[ChasedByBees]

Sneaky sausage snaffler. I like that. Hope you're OK OP.

[BeCool]

The sausages thing totally not on.

XBIL used to visit and I would offer biscuit or cake or whatever we had going. He would decline but say I'll take it for later.
If it was tea time I would always offer a meal - happy to share no problem. Again he would decline but then say I'll take it with me for later. So P lost his next day lunch.

I could never get this right in my head. I stopped offering - completely against my nature. It seemed so petty but also what he was doing felt very wrong to me.

[Mandala72]

Sneaky sausage snaffller and cock lodger. Two brilliant terms I will be using from now on. Brilliant. Thanks all.
My best friends mother died last night. Kind of puts all the other shit into perspective.

[SlimJiminy]

What an absolute knobber. OP, you are well rid.
Sorry to hear about your friend's mum.

[Darkesteyes]

Been following this thread and am glad for you that you have gotten rid OP
Hes a financially abusive tightwad. I have experienced similar in the past and it never gets any better.

[IDugUpADiamond]

I'm so glad to read you've dumped him Mandala; I can't stand people like that, men or women. I hope you know he would have never changed, if anything he would have got worse.
I'm really sorry about your friends mum

[TootlesPootles]

. Hope everything works out for you. It sounds like you did the right thing.

[superstarheartbreaker]

He sounds like my ex. Turned out he was on 28,000 a year! No excuse. Love him anyway though!