Is my new boyfriend weird/tight about money?

[laalmond]

...or am I just being a grumpy cow?
We have been together for five and a half months. We have a great time together, I do love him and he loves me. He recently had to close his cafe and so is now looking for work. He was not really making much to begin with. That never bothered me.
I am a single mum, self employed and on a very low wage. We share the bills when we go out.
He is loving, cooks for me, has fixed stuff in the house, very, very generous in the bedroom. Perfect right?
There are the odd tiny things that bother me, but I can't tell if I'm being too money focused or intolerant about it all.
He says he's going to do things and never does..e.g buy a book I wanted for Christmas, said he had ordered it, but obviously never did. Don't really care about the lack of Xmas present, more that he lied.

He comes round twice a week, does the cooking, but always empty handed. I know I'm starting to sound like a nit picking cow, but I'm trying to feed myself and two kids here..times are tight. I wouldn't dream of going to his without a little something. I'm not expecting him to turn up with tonnes of food, but every now and again, something would be nice. It's more about the attitude than the "stuff"
He will take some sausages out of my freezer so he doesn't have to go to the shop on the way home. Again, I know, who gives a shit about sausages, but they were for the kids dinner.
I, of course am saying nothing, being nice and just venting on the internet. Great.
He really doesn't have any money now, I know that, but it feels like he thinks I have endless supplies of food. He has asked me for money once, I gave him a tenner.
When I went for lunch at his cafe, he charged me full whack, the waitress was really surprised.

I think I just need some perspective please. I know he is struggling, but he has enough to go to the pub once a week...

[cithkadston]

It does sound as though he's taking the piss. I'd be absolutely fuming if someone just helped themselves to something from my freezer that I was planning to use for my kids' dinner!

[Mandala72]

Apologies. I did change my user name. Was necessary.

[Mandala72]

Ok. Thank you for all the replies. It has cleared a lot up. At the moment I can't see past this. It's too big and I feel it's unlikely he can or will change something so ingrained in him.

[Vikki88]

He seems like a total waster who wants to treat you like his mum & not his girlfriend IMO. I know I wouldn't put up with it!

[pigletmania]

I agree red flags, I would run it's still early. Scrounging your food meant to be for your kids , I would have stopped him! Charging you full price a thus cafe, right charmer eh! Pride does not cost!

[Cabrinha]

You think he doesn't contribute towards his kids because he can't afford to right now? I'm sure their mother doesn't have a choice!
You said he goes to the pub every week... that money should go to his kids, unless his ex is well enough off AND is willing to accept nothing. Unless my ex was an arsehole, I'd rather he still be able to have a social life if I could cope comfortably without a contribution.

And that's before you get into the stolen sausages! I can't even fathom how that would happen!

[Onesie]

I think it is tight. Challenge him.

[TootlesPootles]

Mandala. Your intense phone call to him 5 minutes long!!! There is no way that was a proper conversation.

I Think you need to either dump him or talk about this properly.
He sounds tight to me.

[aquashiv]

He took your sausages as he couldn't be bothered to get his own?
I would be asking him to bring desert or a bottle of wine?
He sounds a cad

[BadLad]

If you read the thread about the husband who only wants to pay a quarter of the electricity bill on the grounds that his wife has two kids from a previous relationship, you might get a glimpse of what could happen if you marry this man

[arfishy]

Yes, he is being tight. This early in the relationship being this tight (and so entitled that he feels he can help himself to the contents of your freezer) is a bad sign - I can't believe he charged you full whack in his cafe.

My P is the tightest of tight-arses ever, he's cost me a fortune over the years but even he managed to maintain a charade of not being tight for the first few months.

[JapaneseMargaret]

Yes, what Cabrinha said.

Who knows what sort of financial situation his ex is in? She doesn't have the option of opting out of paying for the children, does she?

There are red flags all over this, your twunt radar is clearly beeping loudly. You know this is not right. You'd be a fool to ignore your instincts on this one. I do mean that kindly - you're clearly smart enough to see that something is seriously amiss.

[BOFtastic]

The invisible Christmas present would have done for me. Yes, he's tight, and a would-be cocklodger.

[MsAspreyDiamonds]

m.loveisrespect.org/is-this-abuse/types-of-abuse/what-is-financial-abuse

[MsAspreyDiamonds]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1975749-AIBU-or-is-my-new-DH?msgid=44576805#44576805

[ChasedByBees]

I think taking food from your freezer so he didn't have to go to the shops is outrageous. Who in earth would assume that someone had food in their house just lying around with no purpose?

He's saving himself a trip to the shops but it means you have to go to the shops twice and pay twice.

Awful.

How did he respond in your chat?

[bragmatic]

He charged you full price when you cook and provide meals for him?

get. rid.

[ChasedByBees]

Just an addition to my post above: even if the tightness didnt bother me, making you do everything twice so he doesn't have to do it once shows that he thinks his time is far more important than yours, even though he only has to look after himself while you have yourself and two children. It's massively inconsiderate and shows that he isn't thinking of you. I wouldn't say he's a keeper.

[nirishma]

Velvetspoon's advice is spot on. I would have refused to pay at the cafe as I have no shame ! It's one if the perks if being in a relationship (supposedly). If you, like me, cannot STAND tight people, then ltb

[Mandala72]

Tootsies, agreed. Five mins or so wasn't long enough. (Felt like an hour) The kids were in and out so I had to keep it quick... We've been texting and I've said I need to think as these are big parts of relationships...I'm not interested in how much money he makes, rather his attitude towards honesty and money. He's gone quiet. I would imagine I will see him briefly today though.
God. How can I have fallen for this? First boyfriend after split with kids dad.

[Chippednailvarnish]

Not contributing towards his kids, but still going to the pub says it all or really...

[hickorychicken]

I cant believe you disnt bring up the sausages in the phone call OP fuck the christmas prezzie, taking food from your childrens mouths is a tad more important! He sounds like a cheeky twat. Why did you let him do it, nip it in the bud now while youve not invested too much into it.

[BOFtastic]

..."making you do everything twice so he doesn't have to do it once "

Spot on.

[SquinkiesRule]

what a piss taker, he's using you.

[TootlesPootles]

Obviously the fact he is tight is a big issue but the fact that you don't feel comfortable to ask him to bring food or to not steal your kids food is a big concern too. It makes you look as you are too eager to please him. In a normal equal relationship this type of thing shouldn't be an issue.