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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel mortified that this was not picked up on... WARNING HORRIFIC PICTURES

123 replies

diaimchlo · 23/01/2014 14:20

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2085222/Kimberley-Hainey-House-horror-baby-son-died.html

Another poor defenseless child suffering at the hands of the one person they should be able to trust to safeguard their well-being.

R.I.P little angel.

OP posts:
Weelady77 · 23/01/2014 18:50

I wasn't a social worker!!
I'm so sorry if I've offended anyone and I should have kept my mouth shut!! But this topic makes my blood boil, if you haven't witnessed it first hand you won't understand!

Weelady77 · 23/01/2014 18:51

Fleta you would be surprised how many social workers would agree to it!!

Fleta · 23/01/2014 18:56

And that is even more appalling

Fleta · 23/01/2014 18:57

And actually is there a more irritating phrase than "if you haven't witnessed it first hand you won't understand"

Crikey.

Dawndonnaagain · 23/01/2014 18:57

Some of us have witnessed it first hand, and still we're here, comprehending that others have lives that are not all sunshine and roses, that sometimes people percieve a need to self medicate, that now and then, somebody is held so tightly in the grip of their mental health that they are completely unable to break their grip on an addiction. That's the point, an addiction is all consuming. Nobody knows why some can beat it and others can't. There have been a million studies and still nobody knows. What we do know is that sterilising addicts gives doesn't give them a chance at redemtion, doesn't help anyone. Wouldn't stop them being addicts whereas parenthood might. Or even coming to terms with what got them there, only to be denied the chance of a family because the pitchfork wielding masses have said off with their ovaries, off with their testicles. Hope is often all these people have left, and you weelady would remove that.

2tiredtocare · 23/01/2014 18:57

Agree with Ladybeagleeyes some of the speculative comments are ghoulish

NorthernLurker · 23/01/2014 18:57

I would be surprised if any social worker shared your forced sterilisation as solution views. I know that pretty much all social workers share feelings of despair and anger at the situations they intervene in. Happily for the profession their views are generally more nuanced than yours.

StickEmUpBigStyle · 23/01/2014 19:11

Im an alcoholic but luckily God already made me infertile Hmm

Its lovely to know what people think of me :(.
Luckily i managed to stop drinking so i get to mingle with society

JaquelineHyde · 23/01/2014 19:14

Weelady - You mentioned earlier that you had worked with drug addicts who had turned their lives around and were now capable of good parenting.

How does this fit with you 'sterilise the lot of them' comments. Surely if you did sterilise 'them' all then none of those that you mentioned previously would ever have been able to prove their capabilities.

Also what about neglectful and abusive parents who aren't addicts, would they be sterilised as well or do you only advocate the sterilisation of addicts and everyone else deserves the opportunity to prove parenting capabilities.

How would you set the criteria for sterilisation, how long does someone have to be addicted to be classed as sterilisation worthy and what substances would this cover?

I have many, many more questions but will just start with those.

Oh and I have a lot of experience in this field both personally and professionally so hopefully I will pass you threshold for those whose opinions count and those who don't.

Weelady77 · 23/01/2014 19:21

If I said sterillise the lot of them I'm sorry I didn't mean that!!
what I'm saying is drug addicts have a baby if they don't seek help and can't cope with the baby the baby gets taken into care or placed with family if they don't get help and can't help themselves they should be sterillised or the coil fitted so they can't have anymore!!

I'm very very sorry if I've offended anyone Hmm

DollyHouse · 23/01/2014 19:45

So if they can't get help at that one point in time, they should be sterilised and never have children? Because no one can ever turn their life around at a later date can they?

WelshMaenad · 23/01/2014 19:46

Balls.

I know someone whose first baby was removed a number of years ago as she tried and failed to come off heroin with a methadone programme. The baby was adopted.

She now has another child, which was conceived after she turned her life around and she is a fantastic mum. I don't doubt that what happened with her first baby haunts her still, but she has overcome her problems, and has a beautiful DC that wouldn't be here if society had gone off half cocked with some clamps on her fallopian tubes.

Weelady77 · 23/01/2014 19:49

Or even the coil then dolly rather than bring loads of kids into the world in the state their in!! If they get better then that's fantastic!

Dawndonnaagain · 23/01/2014 22:02

My mother, weelady was the local headteacher. She was not an addict in any way. She was violent and abusive though. I'm 55. I do not speak to her. I still suffer despite the fact that I managed to leave at sixteen. Now there is a woman who should not have been allowed to have children. Well educated, upper class and a violent abusive fucking bitch whore from hell.

DizzyZebra · 23/01/2014 22:11

Weelady - I understand how you feel. Through different experience i find it very hard to be open minded when i read things like this and my initial reaction is much the same as yours nearly every time.

morethanpotatoprints · 23/01/2014 22:20

I think she was very ill to do something like this.
yes of course drugs are to blame here, nobody can say that being an addict is something that is chosen and what turns people to drugs.
She and others like her should be incarcerated for life and not allowed to have anymore children.
What I don't understand is why when it is obvious that a pregnant woman is an addict are they not managed, or how they are able to slip through the net?

morethanpotatoprints · 23/01/2014 22:24

I think there is a difference between having a child adopted because you are an addict and actually killing them, or allowing them to die.
But how do we know that more children of addicts wouldn't be dead if ss hadn't stepped in and removed them?

Original poster
diaimchlo · 24/01/2014 07:32

LadyBeagleEyes

You asked why this 2 year old thread was brought up. I explained that in the first few posts and apologised. In a polite way unlike the rude way you asked the question.

I personally do not agree with some of the comments on here, especially those regarding sterilization.

OP posts:
minesapintofwine · 24/01/2014 10:09

2 years old, 20 years old or 2 days old. It doesn't matter in my mind op still sad, awful and tragic. Poor baby Sad

Bazoo23 · 04/02/2014 11:46

Sterilisation would not be helpful.
The death penalty would.
Evil evil evil.

Weelady77 · 04/02/2014 11:50

Bazoo that's even better!

Bazoo23 · 04/02/2014 11:56

Why is she being so roundly defended?
She neglected her baby so badly he DIED! Then threw rubbish on top of his tiny body. Like he was nothing. Not even a person.
Maybe im a terrible person but my sympathy is with the innocent baby. Not a scumbag like her. I wish nothing but bad things for her. Karma will get her.

Weelady77 · 04/02/2014 11:57

Wish there was a like button

gordyslovesheep · 04/02/2014 11:58

Ahhh the zombie voice of reason

badtime · 04/02/2014 12:39

'Karma will get her'

I rather think it has - her baby is dead, and she is responsible. Can you imagine anything that would make you feel worse?