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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel hurt by my friends?

138 replies

Crazeeladee · 21/01/2014 18:59

I posted this in chat too, but haven't had a response. I know I'm going to sound very childish in this post, but need some advice on how change how I feel about a situation. I became friends with friend A when we were both pregnant, we got on very well and met friend b at baby groups, we used to meet up for walks and lunches when our dc's were babies. I met friend c at another group, she was struggling to cope with her baby and I invited her to some of our lunches, she became a firm friend of us all. We had a few evenings together as families, all got on well. I've recently found out that they have been meeting up all together without me, and are now all going on holiday together. I feel very hurt, I have mentioned it friend c, who replied that some friendships just work, I know this is true, but just can't stop feeling really hurt, and wondering what I've done. We still see each other during the week sometimes when the dc's are at school, it's meeting up as families that I don't get the invites to. I feel really hurt and upset,AIBU?

OP posts:
Adeleh · 21/01/2014 20:36

Friend C is a bitch. That's a horrible text. Thanks I'd be upset with this situation, and v hurt. Agree with focussing on other, better friends.

emsyj · 21/01/2014 20:37

Don't let c edge you out. She does NOT speak for a and b. Meet up with them and show them the text. Say nothing negative about c. Be confused, be hurt - but don't criticise c. Then sit back and watch their reaction and hear what they have to say.

poopadoop · 21/01/2014 20:38

Yes OP, you do that, don't be available to talk or see this c person for the rest of this week, just bypass her and go straight to the others. You don't need her to mediate their feelings to you.

Original poster
Crazeeladee · 21/01/2014 20:44

I'm working the rest of the week on very long shifts, so I think I'll cancel the meet up on Sunday (if it's not already cancelled) and arrange to meet a on Monday. Thank you all for understanding x

OP posts:
yummymumtobe · 21/01/2014 20:52

Something that hasn't been mentioned is money - eg are they going on holiday to places you can't afford? Maybe they think you aren't in the same 'bracket' as them or something? This is horrible of them, I know, but possible?

Original poster
Crazeeladee · 21/01/2014 20:56

Hmm, maybe. It's only Spain though, friend b and c have only one of them working in each couple,friend a and us have both people working. I don't know if they are in a hotel or villa or what, only found out through mutual friends today that they are going.

OP posts:
Belize · 21/01/2014 21:02

Oh god that's so hurtful, really feel for you xx

NewBeginings · 21/01/2014 21:07

Definitely grass her up to a and b, they may have no idea and shouldn't be tarred with the same brush. If it turns out that they are wankers too then you're better off without the lot of them.

Original poster
Crazeeladee · 21/01/2014 21:12

I can imagine that c will have texted them tonight to tell them, probably doing lots of tutting!

OP posts:
Original poster
Crazeeladee · 21/01/2014 21:18

Just had a text from a, saying she's spoken to c, she's sorry I feel upset about the way that friendships have evolved, then just signed off "catch up soon"

OP posts:
CoffeeTea103 · 21/01/2014 21:20

Wow they are nasty, and you know what they suit each other well. Cut your losses, and be glad that you found out their true colors now rather than investing yourself more in these people.

poopadoop · 21/01/2014 21:21

Crazee, don't drive yourself - eh - crazee thinking about them texting one another. It is really shitty for you, but if you can in any way be slightly breezy and light-hearted with a and b, I think that's the way to go. If you fear c is making out that you're weird and needy, then don't let them see that.

onedev · 21/01/2014 21:23

Cut your losses - they all sound horrible with no thought for your feelings whatsoever. All the best Op.

yummymumtobe · 21/01/2014 21:25

Horrible people. Obvs just not meant to be. Focus on your other friends. Always hard bringing partners into the mix I think and it seems to have spoiled the dynamic in this case. Happened with me too. I have 2 mum friends, we all met one weekend with partners too and me and dh just found the partners quite dull and didn't really enjoy conversation etc. I think they still meet as a foursome but I just see the mums.

poopadoop · 21/01/2014 21:25

That sounds upsetting but you don't know what c has said, now you've had a text from a, I think you should text back to ask when she's free for a quick chat - you could add - 'nothing heavy' - and just call or see her and say you've been a little upset at being excluded, but feel c has been unkind. Then ltb(s)

Original poster
Crazeeladee · 21/01/2014 21:27

Thank you, I know what you are all saying makes sense. Just have to face it now Sad

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 21/01/2014 21:27

It is mean. I hadn't heard this 'Wendy' term till I came on MN. I wonder if any of your friends is a Wendy. I've never gone on holiday with friends as couples though have been asked once or twice. But I have taken other children away with mine and vice versa which has worked well. Because the likelihood of four couples and their children all getting on well enough for a holiday would be extremely remote. Sorry to be pessimistic!

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 21/01/2014 21:31

Looks like they are all bitches, then Sad. They're not sorry at all. I'd be tempted to text all three a group text saying something along the lines of what CiderBomb said above - that they wouldn't be friends if it wasn't for you, and tell them that you're sorry they feel they have to ostracise you this way and that it may be best if they don't contact you again as you'd rather have positive people in your life, not negative ones (if that's what you want, of course).

Original poster
Crazeeladee · 21/01/2014 21:42

Softkitty, good idea, might try talking to a or b in the flesh first, and see if that changes anything x

OP posts:
LEMmingaround · 21/01/2014 21:42

Ugghhh, they sound like a bunch of cunts you are better off without them

alma123 · 21/01/2014 21:45

That happened to me, although in my case a new person joined the group and I don't think she liked me so I was cut out of the picture. She was inviting the others round to hers but not me and they fell for it. It hurt my feelings but now at least I don't have to pretend to like her for the sake of my ex friends.

alma123 · 21/01/2014 21:45

Yes, mine was a Wendy scenario.

SparkleToffee · 21/01/2014 21:47

They are being very cowish..... Poor you it does really hurt. Tbh I wouldn't text them i would cancel plans faking child illness for Sunday and rise above it. I can assure you 100% their new clique won't last. Don't let them know how you feel now that they have shown true colours.

If you text saying you only know each other because of me, just imagine the gossiping at their next catch up !! I would text A back saying, no you aren't upset, just wanted to make sure everything was ok, and then distance distance distance. The coven will soon break over this holiday or something else.

The older I get the more I realise that I love my close friends, but all this big gangs meeting together thing is just too much like hard work! IMO 8 people plus kids ( as in the size of your social group) very rarely all get in with one another with no friction or tension .

You found out what they are like so be glad you aren't the same as them snd their childish games

Original poster
Crazeeladee · 21/01/2014 21:56

Thank you, I've not been on mn for long, but am so grateful for all this support and advice,thanks again xx

OP posts:
paddyclampo · 21/01/2014 21:56

My guess is that Friend C has told the other 2 a pack of lies about you - I'd speak (not text) them out of earshot of Wendy!