to be upset I'm not invited?

[barkinginessex]

DP's friend moved to Thailand in September, just before Christmas DP announced he didn't want to take too much time off over Christmas as he wanted to save his annual leave as was planning to visit his friend in Thailand, it was the first I had heard of it and was a little upset he hadn't thought to invite me. His friend was back in England for Christmas and we were talking about DP's trip, his friend had assumed I was coming too, I told him it was just DP going and they proceeced to start looking at flights etc. Last weekend my parents were visiting and DP mentioned his trip to Thailand, my parents asked why I wasn't going, I was too embarrased to say I was not invited so I said I couldn't have the time off work but then DP laughed and said "thinking about it I haven't actually invited you have I?" and then laughed again. AIBU to feel a little hurt? We have lived together for 4 years, have a mortgage and his DS stays with us alternative weekends. I don't want to say anything and make him feel guilty but it will cost him £1000 approx for flights and spending money (he wants to go for 3 weeks), money that could be spent on a holiday for us and DS in the summer holidays. I feel like booking myself a holiday somewhere hot and not telling him until the day before I fly, childish I know!

[barkinginessex]

Thanks everyone for your replies, the reason
I haven't talked to him about this is because I'm not great at saying what I want or how I feel. He had an affair last year, I forgave too quickly and begged him to pick me over the OW. It's only now 6 months on that I'm starting to get angry about the affair and what he did as I was so desperate for him to come back to me. I don't trust him and I don't think taking a trip alone for 3 weeks is showing me is committed to me and our relationship.

[SlimJiminy]

Leave him. He had an affair last year and now he's going to Thailand without you for three weeks. I'm sure we don't need to spell it out. Seriously, take your things and leave him. Find someone who wants to spend their holidays with you. Find someone who doesn't cheat.

[OnIlkelyMoorBahtat]

Oh sweetheart, he's got your right where he wants you, hasn't he? In that situation, he should be knocking himself out trying to make amends to you and showing that he's worth your forgiveness, and instead he goes and does this... I am going to cut to the chase and say LTB. Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who displays such utter contempt for you? I am sorry if that sounds harsh - I am trying to say that this is how he feels, not at all what you deserve btw. Get rid and find someone who does recognise what you deserve. What a bastard.

[Supercosy]

Oh no how horrible for you. I would feel similarly suspicious and concerned in your shoes. I agree completely that this does not show committment to your relationship but it does explain why you haven't found the confidence to object. I honestly would think very carefully about the future of your relationship with him, he doesn't sound very caring or considerate of your feelings at all and you undoubtably deserve better.

[Supercosy]

He ought to be falling over himself to make it up to you.

[dunsborough]

I am always suspicious of men who holiday in Thailand.

Sad, because it is a beautiful country.

[patienceisvirtuous]

Ltb. He should be bending over backwards to prove himself not fucking off to Thailand (of all places) with his mate!!

[YourMaNoBraBackOfMyCar]

The holiday is the least of your worries op. He clearly wants you to dump him. Put the selfish cunt out of his misery. I certainly wouldn't be having unprotected sex with him now or after his "holiday" either. He sounds vile.

[MsVestibule]

Do you think he's had a bet with his friends to see how much he can get away with? It's OK pp's ^ saying that you don't have to be joined at the hip, but I think a costly 3 week holiday to Thailand hardly compares to a golfing weekend, does it? Unless he changes his attitude towards you, I can't see your relationship lasting. An affair and booking this holiday without even discussing it is just not the way a man who loves you would behave towards you.

[rollonthesummer]

Oh, he sounds a right catch.

I'd be packing my bags if I were you.

[Nanny0gg]

You really need to reassess this 'relationship' don't you?

I think you need to make plans to leave.

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

I was so desperate for him to come back to me

Rather looks like he is going to take advantage of this.

[Mouthfulofquiz]

Bin him.

[funnyossity]

That's not good.

[BrianTheMole]

I wouldn't be happy with any of that op. He is taking the piss. I would have a serious conversation with him, and I'd consider leaving him too. This man is going to crush your self confidence, seriously. Do something about it now rather than wasting years of your life in misery. YOU deserve BETTER than this.

[diddl]

Oh good grief-get rid!

[JimmyChooChoo]

OP - he is a PIG. I think you have extreme low self esteem IMHO.
Can you see your GP to ask for free counselling ?
I think you need to work on yourself and assertiveness.

You deserve better than someone like this.
He's had an affair, he laughed in your face about not inviting you to Thailand and I bet he's never even apologised for anything has he?

OP he will NOT change. He will be unfaithful to you whenever he can. He will be unfaithful to you in Thailand.

Please OP leave this idiot. You deserve so much better.

[Quoteunquote]

This person does not adore you, you deserve to be adored, you are being used, find a way out and don't look back.

[barkinginessex]

Up until last year he was the perfect partner, since his affair he's been different. He never really apologised to me, I was so hurt by his behaviour and so were my family as I didn't think he could ever hurt me or act like that. There's not been a day gone by where I haven't gone over and over in my head what he did and how he acted, when I found out about the affair it was like he hated me and I find it hard to forgive and forget. I've never had much confidence in myself and this has dented it even more. On the surface I pretend everything is okay but inside I feel broken, I have a good job and friends and should be happy but all I feel is a deep sadness. I have realised that he doesn't want me to come on his holiday to Thailand because he doesn't want to be with me and I don't factor in to his future like I used to.

[diddl]

Well in all honesty, I would have no interest in being factored into the future of someone who had cheated on me.

[Nanny0gg]

So take control and get rid of him.

The sooner the better.

[HappyGirlNow]

I don't trust him and I don't think taking a trip alone for 3 weeks is showing me is committed to me and our relationship.

And particularly not to Thailand which is a well known destination for British sleazeballs and prostitute seekers.. I suspect that's why you haven't been invited!

Sorry you're hurting but you need to be strong and leave this man - he has no respect for you.. You can build a happier life without him.

[SlimJiminy]

You feel deep sadness because you're still with a man who doesn't deserve you. You have a good job and plenty of friends and family around you - that's a great basis for your future without him. Getting rid of this fucker will just mean you're one step closer to finding someone who actually really loves you. Life's too short.

[MyPrettyToes]

LTB. Really, leave him. He is a twat. He cheated on you and has shown no remorse. He will do it again. To be blunt I think he deliberately did not invite you to Thailand as he wants to shag around.

Staying with him will break you further and he probably will bring back some sti. Protect yourself. You deserve more.

[ApocalypseThen]

Ya gotta get rid of him. He's a load of nonsense. Get home to your parents, get some space, get some counselling, get a real man.