to be upset I'm not invited?

[barkinginessex]

DP's friend moved to Thailand in September, just before Christmas DP announced he didn't want to take too much time off over Christmas as he wanted to save his annual leave as was planning to visit his friend in Thailand, it was the first I had heard of it and was a little upset he hadn't thought to invite me. His friend was back in England for Christmas and we were talking about DP's trip, his friend had assumed I was coming too, I told him it was just DP going and they proceeced to start looking at flights etc. Last weekend my parents were visiting and DP mentioned his trip to Thailand, my parents asked why I wasn't going, I was too embarrased to say I was not invited so I said I couldn't have the time off work but then DP laughed and said "thinking about it I haven't actually invited you have I?" and then laughed again. AIBU to feel a little hurt? We have lived together for 4 years, have a mortgage and his DS stays with us alternative weekends. I don't want to say anything and make him feel guilty but it will cost him £1000 approx for flights and spending money (he wants to go for 3 weeks), money that could be spent on a holiday for us and DS in the summer holidays. I feel like booking myself a holiday somewhere hot and not telling him until the day before I fly, childish I know!

[OnIlkelyMoorBahtat]

He's also testing your boundaries - first it was "Will she accept me having an affair?", now it's "Will she accept me going off to Thailand without her and me laughing in her face about purposely not inviting her?". This isn't the act of someone who has just behaved a bit thoughtlessly, he knows exactly what he's doing OP: believe everyone on here when we tell you he is not a nice person.

And please make the answer to the 2nd question a "No, piss off out of my life!".

[Helltotheno]

Definitely LTB. Of course he didn't apologise, you were desperate to take him back so he saw no need to apologise. He sees you as a doormat. And yes, he's going to Thailand to get his jollies so of course you're not invited.

It's not too late to bail OP and I've just thought of the perfect scenario for you. Let him go to Thailand and make sure you've cleared out and left by the time he comes back. If the house is yours or you want to stay, just change the locks and send him a text mid-holiday telling him to sling his hook and not come back to yours off the plane.

OP you need to pick yourself up and retrieve your damaged pride and dignity.

Good luck :)

[justfishing]

Very strange behaviour

He is acting as if he isn't in a relationship

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Even though a majority of clients of prostitutes are Thai men, foreign tourists significantly add to the sex industry in Thailand. Each year, around
10 million tourists arrive in Thailand. It is estimated that approximately 60% of the tourists who visit Thailand are males, and of those, 70% come specifically for sex. That means that in the past few years, approximately 4,200,000 men came to Thailand for the sex industry. A delightful statistic for you... From here.

The fact is he treated you with contempt before and has continued to do so. I second moving or changing the locks while he is away. As long as you check it's legal to do so.

[pictish]

I wouldn't particularly see the problem if he wanted to take a week's holiday alone to see a friend. I don't think it's all that healthy to live in each other's pockets anyway.

But three weeks alone in Thailand? No. Not on your nelly!!

[NewtRipley]

He is taking the piss.

Trust your instincts

[pictish]

Or at least...he could go to Thailand alobe for three weeks if he wanted to...but he sure as hell wouldn't be coming home to cuddle up with me! We'd be history.

[NewtRipley]

OP

Please take some time to work on your self-esteem and assertiveness.

Dump him first though.

[JapaneseMargaret]

It is a bad idea to instantly forgive an affair and beg the partner to come back to you. A very bad idea.

You're green-lighting him to feel like he can behave however he wants. You're giving him all the power.

Time for an evaluation of the relationship, I think.

You can undoubtedly do better than this man. :)

[Rosencrantz]

I wouldn't need the invite. I'd just be telling him I'd be going. But then again, DH and I don't have the kind of relationship where one doesn't go, iyswim?

The only times we have travelled alone is him for the football and me for business. The former I didn't want to go, and the latter he wouldn't have been able to.

[JapaneseMargaret]

Having separate holidays is not the issue here.

It is perfectly healthy and fine to have separate holidays from your partner or spouse. Although, most healthy couples happily talk about it, agree and don't make bizarre assumptions.

Him cheating and having an affair, and the impact that's had on the relationship and the OP's self-esteem, is the problem here.

[pictish]

The day I begged a man to choose me over his OW after cheating, would be the day Satan goes to work on a snowplough. She'd be welcome to the slimey prick.

In this scenario, I'd be helping him to pack his suitcase with his passport, shorts and sun cream, then cheerily wave him off for a lovely three week fuckathon in Thailand, before boxing the rest of his stuff up and changing the locks. He'd never get back over my doorstep again.

He'd better have a good holiday because he'd be house hunting the minute he set foot back in Britain again.

[JapaneseMargaret]

^^

[Quinteszilla]

I think you should take the chance to actually move out while he is on holiday.

He is a shit.

He already had one affair, you know what Thailand will be like, and why he has not invited you.

Next time he laughs at not having invited you, you could always reply "I know, that would spoil it for you and the lady boys you are longing to see"

[mouldyironingboard]

Don't wait until he goes away. Get rid if him now rather than wasting any more time on being miserable and seek legal advice about your joint mortgage before moving out.

Life is too short to be in a relationship with a man who doesn't respect you.

[SugarMiceInTheRain]

Can't really add to what others have said. You need get rid of him and find someone who deserves you. He is really just rubbing salt into the wound and seeing how much he can get away with.

[Cakecrumbsinmybra]

Oh OP, you really can do better than this - I don't need to know him or you to know that he is so not worth it!

[Mellowandfruitful]

Agree with the other posts - he is taking the piss, and/or just doesn't care anymore. That's very sad as you clearly wish he still did. But it won't change things to be a doormat or to beg him to care more - you have seen for yourself now that while that might seem to work in the short term, it changes nothing overall and actually makes your situation worse, as then you are mired further in a relationship with a self-centred, cruel man.

Who owns/rents the house you live in? I don't think you have said. If it's his house, or if you rent, I would just start looking for somewhere else asap.

I feel very sorry for his DS, who has also been callously ignored in his grand holiday plans. But that's not a problem you can fix.

[SlimJiminy]

I wouldn't hang around and wait till he goes away either - the sooner you can leave, the better. BUT... if you do end up sticking around until he goes away, maybe you could do this:

Wave him off on his jollies.
Pack up your things and leave.
Spend your spare time over the next 3 weeks sorting out the administrative crap you need to sort out - change of address, contacting your mortgage provider, etc. (you can start doing this now if you really want to)
Plan for a more permanent set-up - speak to local letting agencies, etc. (you can start saving for a deposit now too if you don't already have savings) and figure out who'll need to buy out who - or whether you'll need to sell the house to cut any financial ties.
Book your own 2-week holiday starting the day before he gets back.
Go on holiday.
Switch off your phone.

You'll be in control of the situation, you'll get to relax on your lovely holiday and you'll have plenty of time to imagine everyday life without him while you're drinking cocktails by the pool. This man doesn't respect you and he doesn't deserve you. He'll never make you happy.