Sleepovers

[shebird]

I didn't grow up here so maybe I am missing something but I just don't get sleepovers. Why are children obsessed with wanting to sleep in other peoples houses? I mean mostly they stay up all night talking and/ or arguing and they have to sleep on an air bed or something equally uncomfortable. It seems that every birthday party DCs are invited to now end in a sleepover for a select few.
I have tried sleepovers at my DCs insistence and the result was no sleep for the entire household, one child wet the bed and another was sick. Never again - AIBU

We pick our guests carefully

This is worthy of considerable thought in the planning stages of a sleepover

DS and his best mate have them once a month or so- gives either us or the mate's mum a break overnight. They are both quite chilled about it now. Another child was not such a success and I ended up washing wet pjs and keeping bag while trying to get ready for a wedding!
I wouldn't be happy if I didn't know the parents well, but DS is still 8.

There are obviously lots of variables with sleepovers.

I wouldn't let DD go to one unless I knew the parents fairly well. She had an invitation last year which initially came via her friend's mum to me. Lovely family, friend of 3-4 years standing so I said yes in.principle and we'd be in touch to sort a date. When I told DD she didn't want to go, so that was that.

Her two bfs from school have stayed over a few times, know both their mum's and they live about 5 minutes away. Our most frequent sleepover guest if the son of our friends - the dads were at primary school together & the kids were born a week apart - he's like a part-time brother to DD!

I wasn't a sleep over hater until dd.
I was one of the mins who always had a house full.
My 3 ds always had mates to stay most weekends.
They usually had a kid friendly dinner then would disappear off to their rooms to watch films eat sweets and play on the ps.

Dd and her friends however see it as a reason to go wild.
Giggling to near hysteria, making mess with mail varnish and make up, shrieking and playing hands such as wrestling and just generally marauding about.
They seem to be determined to stay awake all night doing this.

I've never come across anything like it.
Just hoping its calmer when she's older.

DS loves them and had one on Friday. One friend and they are so similar it's as if DS has just split into two. There are some kids in his class I would say no to though.

DH took them up to the woods where they had a fire, sausages on sticks, marshmallows and hot choc. Then they came back, played minecraft beautifully together for a bit and went to bed to watch Johnny English. They were so knackered from all the fresh air they were asleep by 10.30pm.

DH went to work, so it was just me when they were in bed.

I don't sleep that well, as I have to wear pj's and feel like I need to listen out incase the guest child feels unhappy.

They were fresh as daisies the next morning, I was knackered!

I was a chronic bedwetter until I was in my teens so didn't have sleepovers until then, but I loved them. Watching films, gossiping, eating sweets, giving makeovers - great fun.

Not sure how I would feel about younger children having sleepovers but they're great fun for teenagers, part of teenage experiences IMO.

Mine do a 'sleepover' with my best friends kids every few months. I stay too though so my friend and I can chat and have a glass of wine. I wouldnt let them stay at a friends house yet. I would probably get a call at 3am saying they want to come home!

I can't say they're my favourite pastime, but my 2 girls love having their friends to sleep over.

I was never allowed to have friends to stay, or to stay over at friends houses and hated it so I allow them through gritted teeth. I probably over compensate for the restrictions put on me by my parents growing up

The rules are not loads of friends at a time unless it's a special occasion, they must keep the noise down and not wake the rest of us up and must tidy up their own mess. If they break the rules, sleepovers will be banned for the foreseeable future.

I know all my DDs' friends and parents, we live in a smallish village and the girls are always in and out of each other's houses. Weekends and school holidays they just tend to crash at whoever's house they're in. There's lots of giggling and messing about with make up, but they know that when DH and I go to bed they need to shut up and keep the noise down.

We've been lucky and never had anything trashed or been kept awake, if they did then no more sleepovers

I hated sleepovers as a child and would much prefer my DC didn't go on them. I have no issue with them staying at a friends house until late in the evening but I much prefer to have them all safe under the one roof before I go to bed a night.

I blame Peppa Pig.

They were called awake-overs in my house. So glad DD is past that at nearly 16!

DD's most memorable sleepover was the one a couple of years ago, her 14th I think. I had around 5?7? Teenagers in my front room on mattresses. And I had MN in the bedroom to keep me semi-sane! They finally crashed at around 2am.

That's a point, though. I think they are far more of a 'girly' thing to do - 11yo DS1 and 10yo DS2 have never asked for one, oddly enough.

DD's latest thing is trying to get me to agree to a house party for her 16th Birthday. Unsurprisingly, despite her birthday being on a Saturday, I have thus far steadfastly declined the request for God-knows how many teenagers invading and trashing my home.

I think she is forgetting that I was last a teenager just 12 years ago...

(I was a very young mum, 16 when she was born. I haven't forgotten being that age just yet...!)

I think our children are at their most vulnerable when they're asleep. I don't know exactly who lives in the other child's home - the siblings, the friends, the other relatives - there's a risk. There have been many instances of sexual assaults in sleepover situations and research tells us that both child abuse and rape normally occur in known situations where it is utterly unexpected.

So we're not doing them. Be easier to have a blanket 'no' than start saying 'well, I feel extremely confidently you aren't a child abuser so I will make an exception'...

Poor DD.

I hate sleepovers with a vengeance and only put up with them during school holidays (as early on as possible) so the children aren't grumpy going into school. I wouldn't allow it on a weekend. However, the reason I am posting on here is a warning, I'm not particularly worried about some paedophile uncle deciding to stay at the same time (the chances are extremely slim) however, make sure you KNOW for definite what the sleeping arrangements are. My 10 yo DS went to a sleepover at a friends house,, we knew the parents (or thought we did) the boys were left in a tent in the garden. The back door was locked (no toilet access) because the parents didn't want to be disturbed . The boys were wandering round the streets until gone 2am and at 5 the parents had had enough and sent them home! Not a phone call to say, "can you pick them up now", not a lift, just a "Go home". DS was crying in the garden, kicking a football at the window to get back in.I have seen (working nights) lots of young children (10 yo or thereabouts) spending the night in the park, where there parents believe they are at a sleepover. I find it incredible that some parents won't actually speak to the other parents to confirm these things. And don't, whatever you do, think "my little darling, would NEVER do that" - because they might surprise you! Keep them safe!

I was never allowed them as a kid and I'm actually quite glad, as I still now hate waking up at someone else's house! Ds is nearly 8 and has never even been invited to tea let alone a sleepover as he really doesn't seem to have many friends :( We had one boy round for tea here once, but the invitation was never reciprocated, and they don't seem to have much to do with each other anymore. He flatly refuses to sleep over anywhere though, unless I'm staying with him, so I don't think I'll have to worry for a while yet!

My children (esp youngest dd age 6) is constantly going on about wanting a sleepover. She is particularly keen on staying over at a friends, rather than vice versa.

I have had a few children stay here over night so that the parents can go out and not worry about getting up early etc.

In terms of the hard work, having a boy from age 7 stay the night was easy. However, the other Saturday we had a 6 year old girl and it was a nightmare. They were up all night, I had no 'adult' time at all, they got up before 6 the next day and then were in a bad mood all day.

I try to limit it as much as possible because it is a pain.

CouthyMow I agree, my 2 teen DDs have been on many many sleepovers and have had many here too. DSs (11) have only been invited to one sleepover but for tea many times. haven't had one here yet, they have never asked. It does seem more a girl thing.

I also would never have a house party. Several of DDs friends have had them and the house usually gets trashed. I have enough housework with my 5 DC! Luckily with having so many don't have much room which is an excuse not to have one!

I must be in the minority then.. as I said further up the thread, we've always enjoyed sleepovers (not massively frequently, but often enough that the kids don't get too hyper about the whole thing) and have now moved on to teenage 'house parties' and sleepovers ... both hosted and away!

The teens are very good at laying down 'house rules' to each other - some rooms out of bounds etc and so far they've all stuck to then - not just in our house but at the friends' houses too. Often these rules come from the teens themselves and can be stricter than the parents!!

I believe you need to let them experience these things so that they learn to grow up and become young adults that can be trusted - my DD after-all is technically old enough to leave home, get married and a drive a car.. !

We've so far not had any major mess (no tampon hunts or curtain poles down anyway) ... but maybe I've either been very lucky, or it's all still to come :)

We had sleepovers regularly during the school holidays for our boys. They also enjoyed sleepovers at their friend's houses. The most we had following a party was 17. They filled the lounge floor and available upstairs bedrooms. Gave them all a cooked breakfast in the morning. Great fun & a bit noisy. Wouldn't change any of it & boys, now in their 20's remember these times too. Feel some people really need to chill out a bit. Too many rules & regs!

The first sleepover DD1 was invited to was when she was 7. I had no experience of sleepovers at this point and was reluctant as I thought she was too young. I also did not know the host parent very well although she seemed quite nice and perfectly ok. Anyhow just as I was about to cave in to my DDs pestering and cries of 'but everyone else is allowed' I found out that the father of this child had a history of domestic violence. When I mentioned casually to DD1, so what's XYZs Dad like I've never met him, she said 'oh not very nice he once pushed XYZs mum down the stairs and the police came and took him away but he's back home now

Although this is an extreme example it has always made me think twice about where my DCs go to play or sleepover.

DS at 17 rarely bothers with them but DD 14 has always been sleepover mad and it's become the norm to have two or three girls staying here. What I object to is they never leave and often arrive Friday after school and will still be hanging around on Sunday

Every other weekend they go to their Dads so I only have to endure this alternate weekends however I think after reading this thread I am going to clamp down a bit !

Yes peppa has a lot to answer for

From the age of 11, I was allowed to stay at my best frie d's house. We went to the same primary school so my mum knew her parents.

I will not allow my dc to attend a sleep over until close friends or family.

Growing up I do not recall playdates or sleepovers. We played outside and attended birthday parties.

I'm susprirsed at all these 'I don't get the appeal' and faces on this thread...!?

What's to get/not get - kids enjoy them.

They're not for adults. They're not fun for adults. But they are lots of fun for children. Just the same way things we do are really enjoyable for us, but dull as shit for kids.

We're not at the age yet, but I really enjoyed them when I was young, so have no intention of banning my children from taking part.

And to the poster whose 14 year old now understand why she can't partake - what does she understand, exactly? Why do you tell her they're forbidden? And how can she properly understand, if she sees all her friends having them and going to them?

Our daughter was the first in her group to have one for a birthday & it led to the whole group having one for theirs!

Easist party ever!

They slept on sofas & the floor in the sitting room-after pizza & dvds.

We left them to it tbh.

Then breakfast the next morning & home they went.

They don't really happen other than for a bday though.