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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sleepovers

128 replies

shebird · 19/01/2014 18:24

I didn't grow up here so maybe I am missing something but I just don't get sleepovers. Why are children obsessed with wanting to sleep in other peoples houses? I mean mostly they stay up all night talking and/ or arguing and they have to sleep on an air bed or something equally uncomfortable. It seems that every birthday party DCs are invited to now end in a sleepover for a select few.
I have tried sleepovers at my DCs insistence and the result was no sleep for the entire household, one child wet the bed and another was sick. Never again - AIBU

OP posts:
promote · 19/01/2014 19:00

agree with joules , my dd asked to sleep at a friends , when asked who would be in the house she said her 3 older brothers and maybe a few of their friends , i said what adults , oh her mum , is that all , oh no shes in the garden getting drunk with her bf and 2 of his mates they might be staying too , that will be a no then .

SlightlyTerrified · 19/01/2014 19:00

I would worry about something happening as I do every day at school or rugby training or martial arts training but I do not worry about a paedophile uncle at a sleepover at a friends house, that is what I thought was dramatic. If something had happened to me at a sleepover I would probably worry more of course.

MarlenaGru · 19/01/2014 19:01

iwanna as long as you don't let hour younger children have sleepovers... I was always a social outcast at school as I wasn't allowed to sleep over anywhere. Then my sister 4 years younger was allowed to sleep over from about 11... I still hold that against my parents.

My DD is 5 and has been to a friend's house and the friend has been here. My DDwas fine as I expected (she is very independent) but we had lots of tears from friend when she stayed and I don't think she will come back soon!
DD is adamant she wants another friend from school for a sleepover but I don't know her parents well so wouldn't feel comfortable inviting their DD just yet,

SlightlyTerrified · 19/01/2014 19:01

promote that is also a situation I would say no to.

NettoSuperstar · 19/01/2014 19:01

DD is 12 and sleepovers happen most weeks here.

I have two rules
One guest at a time
Don't piss me off.

They have never broken the rules, and never bothered me, quite the opposite, they are good company and it's great to meet DD's friends and means I'm able to keep an eye on what they are getting up to.

It also means I get frequent Friday nights to myself when she's invited back.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 19/01/2014 19:03

Where will it end? From 'play dates' to 'sleepovers' to 'mini holidays' to 'child exchange' (like School Exchange, only longer and more fraught)... maybe mini-adoption even? Shock

BingoWingsBeGone · 19/01/2014 19:04

We use sleepovers for free babysitting when we want an evening away (and reciprocate for friends). Don't mind them so much when they have a purpose Grin

SlightlyTerrified · 19/01/2014 19:04

I would only want to child exchange if I didn't actually have to have to swap them for other children, I would like to swap them for peace and quiet Grin

BingoWingsBeGone · 19/01/2014 19:04

Clearly we are on the mini holidays course Witch Wink

Iwillorderthefood · 19/01/2014 19:04

We have had a couple, but I hate them. DD's friend had them for a birthday party what a nightmare. I will not hold a sleepover birthday party. Awful idea. One friend at a time seems reasonable.

promote · 19/01/2014 19:06

just to add she did go on other sleepovers after checks on who else was staying , and had friends here , just certain houses were a no .

pussycatdoll · 19/01/2014 19:07

It's all very well & good to say a 14 year old understand why she never had one
But when she's 34 with kids of her own she'll be on the stately homes thread moaning about it Grin
a memorable sleepover for me was a friend who walked in on my mum in the bath
She died of shame
My mum still remembers now , she felt mortified on friends behalf Grin

Sparklymommy · 19/01/2014 19:07

Dd has been on a few, but very few and far between.

She had a bad experience when staying at a friends and wouldn't stay ANYWHERE for two years afterwards. They put on an inappropriate movie that terrified my dd!

I haven't had many here mainly due to lack of space. I don't mind them, but dd shares a room with her 4 year old sister, and Ds1 and ds2 share a room.

NewtRipley · 19/01/2014 19:08

I've managed to avoid big Birthday ones, only having one other child over at other times on occasion.

It seems to work OK. I have a lights out at 10 policy

I was surprised at how many and how young some people have sleepovers. When mine were young I was too traumatised from sleep deprivation to want to re-enact it.

BananaNotPeelingWell · 19/01/2014 19:08

I don't get them either. Come round for tea by all means but why does it have to be to sleep too?Confused I see my friends but I dont want to sleep at their houses too. It usually results in cranky kids the next day.

My dc do go on them. I wouldnt say no and make them feel different but when they do I have the sinking feeling that I must reciprocate. And I do reciprocate but no sooner do I do it than they bounce back with yet another one so I usually have a long niggling list of sleepover obligations hanging over me.

Tbh I find them invasive and a complete pita. There I said it.

heronsfly · 19/01/2014 19:08

I have got 6dcs and I have never had sleepovers, although i do allow them to accept invites and have no problem with them going to them.
My problem is that I have got a small house already filled to the brim with teenagers, children, animals a grumpy dh and only one toilet !
I have once or twice many years ago been pushed into a corner and given in, it was a nightmare, never again,youngest dcs dont even bother asking.

NewtRipley · 19/01/2014 19:09

DS2 has been to a few Birthday ones. The parents let them stay up 'til 3 and send them home all knackered, and often having had some kind of physical or emotional incident

NewtRipley · 19/01/2014 19:10

Banana

I agree

Except DS1s best friend

LynetteScavo · 19/01/2014 19:11

I really don't see the attraction of sleepovers. I only let close friends or cousins stay over night here. Although my teenage son will invite his friends over, and they are absolutely no trouble, and like to go to sleep before 10pm.

The only time I actually like my DC going on a sleepover, is to a particular families house, where DH grew up close friends with the dad, and they also have a couple much older children who have turned out to be amazing people, so I figure they must know a thing or two about looking after children. Grin

mrbobthecat · 19/01/2014 19:15

Do some of you not remember being young?! Confused

I understand why sleepovers for kids under the age of 9 or 10 may not be a great idea but for pre-teens, no sleepovers? I hated them as a young child but had so much fun as a pre-teen; I'd have not wanted to miss out.

Grennie · 19/01/2014 19:16

I loved sleepovers as a child. I spent lots of weekends either sleeping at a friends, or having friends at mine.

One friend was never allowed on any sleepovers. I felt sorry for her.

LynetteScavo · 19/01/2014 19:18

As a teen I never really enjoyed sleepovers as they always involved uncomfortable beds, and a breakfast I didn't really like. I still enjoy my home comforts. Grin

NewtRipley · 19/01/2014 19:18

mrbob

I enjoyed sleepovers as a teenager with my best friend and on a few occasions, with a couple of others.

I have always disliked parties, and i think would have hated large sleepovers too (although no-one did them)

But DS1 loves parties and thinks he loves sleepovers, so I let him go ..

DumSpiroSpero · 19/01/2014 19:22

I wish DD was more interested tbh - she doesn't mind having her friends here but is not keen on going elsewhere overnight herself - two recent attempts have resulted in 11.45pm phonecalls for me to pick her up Confused .

She is only 9 and a bit though.

I find it quite sad that a lot of my friends won't do them for their kids - their choice of course and I wouldn't of dream of saying as much but I think it's a fun experience. Not necessarily having a houseful of kids at a time but a friend to stay over every couple of months or so.

I had 2 very close friends growing up whose mums became good friends of my mum. From about 10yo we spent virtually every other weekend in and out of each other houses - wasn't unusual to stay at one's house on a Friday and when mum came to pick me up ask if she could come back with us and stay at ours on the Saturday...lots of happy memories Smile .

AllDirections · 19/01/2014 19:37

Where will it end? From 'play dates' to 'sleepovers' to 'mini holidays' to 'child exchange' (like School Exchange, only longer and more fraught)... maybe mini-adoption even?

Sounds like my house. Ok, not the mini-adoption yet but I wouldn't rule it out in the future Grin

We've had sleepovers here since DD1 was 4, so 13 years. We've never had a bedwetter, or a vomitter, or a house wrecker, though we've accasionally had a child who definitely won't be invited back. At primary age I supervise but at secondary age I let them stay up half the night leave them to it unless they get too noisy.

I always think about where the DC are planning to stay and make an informed decision about whether I feel it's safe for them to sleepover there or not. I always tell other parents that it will be just me and the DC here, just so they know who'll be here. If I wanted to pop out, e.g. to collect DD2 from somewhere and leave DD3 and a friend with DD1 (17) I always check if the parents are happy with this. You get to know other parent's preferences over time anyway.