To meet up with son's ex partner

[MrsBeehive]

My ds was with a young lady for five years from the age of 18-23. They broke up 8 years ago and I still have contact with her. She recently had twins and I met for lunch. She talks to me on facebook and also visits my own fil.

Background info she was really in love with my son and he treated her badly. He has a new partner now for the last five years who he treats great from what I can see but this other girl was really infatuated with him. My son doesnt talk to her and hasn't for many years.

Am I being unreasonable or unfair to the new girlfriend by maintaining a relationship with my son's ex all these years?

I have a terrific relationship with my ex's parents. I am married with two children, perfectly happy in my marriages wouldn't take my ex back if you paid me - we have a cordial relationship though, unlike your son and his ex, I don't really see him other than at events of his parents, but it's all friendly enough.

I socialise with his parents though, I often pop in for coffee and a chat and they dote on my children, being without grandkids of their own, my children similarly adore them.

It's a relationship I value and I'm very glad to have them in our lives.

I dont feel I am alienating but my son had a life before her.

Sorry, five years, not like it makes much difference.

You sound like a stirrer and it will come back and bite you.

It sounds like it's you holding a torch for your son's ex if anything,going by your last post. A little strange.

How will it come back and bite me tara?

For avoidance of doubt, I think YABVU.

No I do not maintain the contact. SHE does.

But she did not seem happy about it especially as I have told her in the past how in love she was with my son.

Are you on a wind up here?

Why on earth would you tell her that?

Should I tell the girl to stop contacting me and fil and via facebook or should I just not mentioning to my ds partner that I have met up with her when I do.

I think it's stirring to be telling the new partner of five years that you're buddies with his ex and she was soooo in love with him and OH! by the way, she's still involved with the family.

Yes and he has a life now, with his partner. You sound like you have made it clear that you prefer the ex and would rather your son be with her. It's not really about who you like though, it's about who your son likes

Worra. No I told my son's partner about the relationship and how he used to treat her, how she used to stay at mine all the time etc. Just useful info.

Tara you think thats stirring??
I do not prefer the ex, where did I say that?

You seriously need to butt out or you're going to end up very lonely in your old age.

Jeez!

I would stop telling the new GF about this friendship, keep it going if you like her but don't be telling the new GF all about how much she was in love with your son.

So what is the way forward. Any advice?

This must be so tough for you Clara , Mrsbeehive.

I wouldn't it could alienate your son and his partner, I'd want that relationship over one with his ex flame.

What if the girlfriend asked? As she probably will now that I let the cat out of the bag.

Nicely tell the ex it is inappropriate for you both to be in touch and cease contact.

Dollyhouse who is clara?

So the general consensus is that its unreasonable to be in contact...

Yes, I think it's stirring, and I didn't sat you preferred the ex although it does sound a little like you do.

How will you feel if and when your son and his new partner have a family and she doesn't want you around that much.

Oh gosh, is this unbelievable or what?

I didn't say you can't choose your own friends, I just said don't be shoving it at your son's GF.