To take my DCs away on holiday the weekend of SIL's and BIL's wedding?

[SumBex]

In a nut shell:
I'm separated from H but he has the DC every other weekend. The wedding between his DB and SIL falls on his contact weekend.
I am not invited (not bothered about this) and H has informed me that his DB has asked him to be usher at the wedding.
Our DC are 5 and 3 and I'm concerned that if they go to the wedding then there will be nobody to supervise them. H is a big drinker when socialising and I've no doubt that he will get arseholed at his brother's wedding.

I'm thinking about asking him if I can take the DC away that weekend to just avoid the whole issue but wanted to check if IWBU to suggest this. The other issue is that I have another child who will not be invited which I think is unfair for various reasons.

I have to go away for work the following weekend so I could do a 'swap' to make it fair.

Thanks for all the replies. It's difficult to know what is what when you're emotionally involved.

I'm not sure what H's sister is doing but her DC are page boys and her H is an usher so I would think she will be with her brother on the morning as the grooms siblings are the only family he will have on the day. I believe they are getting ready at her her house and th bride getting ready at their home.

Re the hair curling: I meant the use of heated curling tongues. The noise in the church just concerns me as SIL isn't very tolerant. I guess it doesn't matter though.

I get that IABU but it makes me feel sick to think of my girls being 'made up' and cooed over and I won't be a part of that or there to reassure them. Those feelings are in addition to my worries over the way H will behave on a celebratory event.

Yes, across the pond, I understood what you meant.

I was querying why the mother was the only decision maker...do Dads not get a say?

I appreciate how hard not will be for you, sadly that's the reality of split families. I'm a lone parent too,although Ex-h rarely manages contact fortnightly.

What we have to try to do is separate our feelings, from our children's and try to compromise.

If your DDS could get ready with their Dad and Aunt, and you could collect them in the early evening, they'd get to safely be a part of a special occasion with their extended family.

I can't answer for AcroosthePond, but I just assumed she said mother because she was addressing me and not my H.

Tbf, I don't know if H would be happy for them to do absolutely anything - I know he doesn't like high heels on young children - but being a bloke, he won't have thought about things like heated curling tongues. Or even that they will be with strangers on their own. He's not practical in any way.

Thanks ball. I'm finding this harder than I thought .

It's not helped at all by my feelings towards SIL. I suppose I feel like she doesn't deserve my DC in her life (but that's a very long thread of its own).

As I see it there are 2 main bits of the day which are most worrying you, the brides house in the morning and what happens to the girls in the evening. I agree with acrossthepond that a 3 and 5 year old need to have a known adult with them at the brides house, it's not on for them to be dropped at a houseful of strangers so your ex either finds a solution to that or they can't go. With ref to the evening, either you collect them at an agreed time or if the venue is too far then you stay in the hotel and take them upstairs to bed.

ballstoit, what I meant was that Sum should make her own decision as to what she felt was right for her children. That she didn't need to pay any heed to my opinions on the matter. Not that only mothers have a right to make all decisions on child-rearing. My own DH would take great issue with me if I felt like that!

Agree with waffle above - they need a trusted person with them during the day who is not also doing another wedding job, and you need to pick them up at say 7-8pm. I would make those things conditions of them being flower girls.

Also, I have to say - to exclude your eldest from the gift giving at Christmas was harsh in the extreme, and I would not feel at all kindly towards anyone who did that or allowed it to happen, so don't feel you owe him/them anything much.