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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother in law woo

69 replies

Emrel · 18/01/2014 09:26

Am I being unreasonable?
I've just looked up the expected lifespan of women in the Uk to see how long statistically I need to put up with this old nasty cow bag.
My mother in law is a single mother with her one golden egg.
She has had a variation of jobs, never stuck with anything to build a pension, lived in a council house. Wears stilettos while constantly moaning about her OA.
My parents have worked their entire live and saved and are now enjoying their retirement. They are truly like the fable of the ants and the cricket.
She used to live up North and we hardly saw her. She loves my first daughter but ignored my second one for the first 2 years.

For some reason we decided to help her move down south, she offered to help with childcare. I found a housing association that would help her move despite my better judgement and for 3 months with a short honemoon period she's been causing all sorts of havoc.

My husband was made redundant and now works three hours away 3 days a week. I work three days now and babysit my friends kids on my days of. My friend does the same for me, she is awesome!
The only childcare my mil does is 4 hours after school for my eldest and picking up my youngest from nursery for 1 hour before I come home one day a week.

She has a habit of cancelling whenever I am stuck! I can pretty much rely on her to cancel.
She would not go to my daughters first nativity play ( neither performance) as she was meeting a "friend" ( met het less than 1 month ago). The one time my husband was away a different night of the week and I literally spend the entire night cleaning vomit every hour on the hour she would not have my little one because she had plans.

Everything needs to revolve around her, she is such a drama queen.
It is awfull but I hope I don't have to put up with her much longer.

Am I the only one?

OP posts:
Binkyridesagain · 18/01/2014 09:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PenguinDancer · 18/01/2014 09:30

I don't understand. I can't see a problem here. She clearly doesn't want to babysit. You seem to feel entitled to her babusitting service. OK she should agree and then cancel but am I missing something? You sound like the one in the wrong.

Maybe it's too early on a Sat and I'm missing something but from what I've read I think YABU

PenguinDancer · 18/01/2014 09:30

**shouldN'T agree then cancel

formerbabe · 18/01/2014 09:31

Diddums...only 5 free hours of childcare a week?

You sound incredibly ungrateful and nasty.

ConnectFourChamp · 18/01/2014 09:32

Blimey. My mil drives me nuts and I try to let my hub deal with he ASAP, but I still kind if hope she had along, fulfilling life. I think lower your expectations of her but wishing her gone is a bit off.

PrimalLass · 18/01/2014 09:32

I wouldn't ever tell your DH that you are hoping his mother dies soon ...

formerbabe · 18/01/2014 09:33

So you basically just want her to be 'on call' for your childcare needs and sod her having her own life.

LaurieFairyCake · 18/01/2014 09:33

Stop relying on her for babysitting.

It's clear from so much close proximity to her that you've had enough. Put some distance between you and her, invite her for tea occasionally and that's it. If she's a popper inner, stop that so you don't feel pissed off at constantly being reminded how useless she is.

nennypops · 18/01/2014 09:36

It seems richly ironic that you complain that everything revolves around her. From your post, it looks very much as if you think everything should revolve around you.

LoveWine · 18/01/2014 09:38

Wow talk about being entitled.

manticlimactic · 18/01/2014 09:41

Pay for childcare then you can't moan about the 'nasty cow bag'

Why would you want such a person looking after your children eh? Hmm Oh yes, it's free.

nennypops · 18/01/2014 09:42

If she died, you wouldn't even have the child care she gives you at the moment. You'd probably say that was even more selfish of her.

honeybeeridiculous · 18/01/2014 09:44

YABU you should try reading downtontrout's thread in CHAT, it's heartbreaking and puts things into perspective, I'm shocked you are wishing your husbands mother dead, be ashamed OP

wigglesrock · 18/01/2014 09:45

Oh, I don't think she's the drama queen in your world. How much babysitting do your parents do?

minmooch · 18/01/2014 09:46

Crickey you sound very harsh and judgemental.

I am a single parent but have two 'golden eggs'. I have had a variety of jobs (keeps life interesting), never earnt enough to start a pension (for what they are worth), I don't live in a council house but I am reliant on benefits (eldest child terminally ill so I am his carer), I don't wear stilettos but sometimes my footwear is unusual, I lived up North too but now live in the south. It would seem like you would not like me nor appreciate how very difficult it is bringing up children on your own with no support. I would hate for my future DIL's to judge me purely on those things.

Can you not talk reasonably to her? If she offered to do some child care then you both need to understand clearly if this is a regular commitment or just when you have difficulties. If both of you have discussed and agreed a regular commitment then she is being unreasonable to keep cancelling. In this case I would find a different child care arrangement.

yellowbuttercup · 18/01/2014 09:49

I thought this was going to be a spooky story about a mother in law! Grin Was the childcare part of the deal for helping her move down south? Were you expecting her to do more than she is doing? From what you have said she seems a bit unreliable, and it is horrible for her to favour one child over the other. But not hellish enough to wish death upon her! Unless there is lots of other stuff you haven't mentioned.

TheGinSoakedBoy · 18/01/2014 09:55

Crikey she lived in a council house how very dare she!.
To be honest if you were my daughter in law I'd take great pleasure in doing bugger all for you. You sound like a spoilt and entitled person.
The funniest thing is you complain about her wanting everything to revolve around her. Pot.kettle.black?
It's not good that she missed her grandchild's nativity but as a grownup that is a choice she's entitled to make. In this case it's her that missed out seeing something so special.
Counting days until she dies is vile .
Grow up and pay for child care.

paxtecum · 18/01/2014 09:57

Emrel: You do sound very harsh.

Maybe life is very stressful for you at the moment so you are not thinking straight.

I feel that you look down on her for a variety of reasons:
She's from Up North.
She lives in a Council Flat
She wears stilettos (I don't know what OA is)
She's never had a career.

On the other hand your DPs are perfect.

Please don't wish her dead. Sometimes wishes like that come back and bit you on the bum.

Best wishes to you.

BrownSauceSandwich · 18/01/2014 09:57

Wow, you are quite something!

You bitch about not having reliable free childcare, but also blame your mother in law, a single mother, for having had a variation [sic] of jobs and been unable to build up much of a pension, and having lived in a council house.

You helped find a housing association to help her... That's all. Shes not living on your charity. Doesn't sound like a massive effort, to be honest. But you were only doing it because you understood that she would unwaveringly give up hours each week to look after the children YOU chose to have. How much time do your parents commit to routine childcare, or don't they have to because you don't view them as poor dependants?

And wearing the shoes she likes despite her disability? Well, clearly she serves to die.

WhoNickedMyName · 18/01/2014 09:59

Maybe she just can't stand you? I wonder why?

Weelady77 · 18/01/2014 10:01

I think this about my MIL too but the old cow will out live us all,
My MIL has never ever looked after my kids and has never been interested in any off them the oldest is 18!
There has been times when I've really really needed her to look after them but I wouldn't ask her, under my circumstances at the time I thought she should have offered but she never and I'm still really bitter about that but I just think to myself my kids have never needed her!

AmberLeaf · 18/01/2014 10:02

Yes im sure your parents lives as a married couple has been just the same as hers as a single parent.

you don't come across well tbh.

rainyspells · 18/01/2014 10:03

poor woman.......not you op your mil.

stop being so ungrateful, why do you EXPECT her to provide free childcare? she already gives you 5 hours a week but thats not enough for you?! they are not her kids, they are YOURS! Hope your DH doesnt find out that you're counting the years until his mother dies. its quite clear who the nasty cow bag is here.

TapDancingPimp · 18/01/2014 10:03

Everything needs to revolve around her, she is such a drama queen.

Sounds like you expect her to revolve around you Hmm

mrbobthecat · 18/01/2014 10:04

Yes, you are being unreasonable, as well as very nasty. Your only real complaint is that she isn't on call 24:7 for childcare duties. Entitled or what?!