To expect STEPSON to go to his mum's every other weekend?

[slowcooker]

This is a rant to get it off my system because I'm fuming right now.

After a long negotiation we persuaded stepson to go to his mum's this weekend but he's not going now because apparently his room there is wet and small and blah blah blah a list long of excuses why he won't go.

When I got together with my DH, 7years ago, he had 50% custody of his 2 kids and they were with him 50% of the time. It was on a rolling rota basis to accommodate the ex's shift pattern. I would look forward to the (approx) 9 weekends a year we had without the kids! The years have gone by, both kids are teenagers now they are more independent, the eldest lives with the EX full time and the stepson with us full time (for the past 9 months). In the meantime we have our almost 3 year old DD. And I'm stuck in a battle to secure sometime for DH and me as a couple!

Things are rather bad between us. If having a child changes the dynamics in a relationship imagine having a child in a blended family!

That together with work pressures (I have been working full time since DD was 11 months) and general stresses are not helping my mental well being. I feel I've hit rock bottom recently. I had some other issues at work and resigned in December.
We've been so busy with an extension and this and that, that we've not even been able to relax and sit and watch telly for months on end until the NEW year. And even now it seems like we're passing ships all the time.

I don't have family around here and DH has a sister who is lovely and helpful but she's only ever babysat for us once in the last 3 years and I don't want to impose on her as she helped a lot with my DH's other 2 kids when they were little.

At the moment whilst my DD is little the only solution to some quality time for us is to be in the house just the 2 of us (in the evenings I mean after little one has gone to bed) as we don't get to see each other as a couple any more. In any case we were never the going out type (just cinema really) but rather we would go on days out, bike excursions etc and stayed in for a nice meal and film.

I don't think this is too much to ask. I think we'll end up separating ourselves if we don't get some quality time together on a regular basis!

I feel resentful towards my stepson and his mum (for not providing him with a decent room) and my DH for not putting boundaries to people.

I want some space with just my DH and myself in our house! 2 evenings every 15 days is it too much to ask? 2 evenings where I don't have to think what is stepson going to eat (fussy eater) and of sitting in peace to maybe watch something like a film without someone barding in.

And even when I can walk around naked if I fell like it for goodness sake..

Not in a good place at all!

Ye gods is this still going strong lol

Maybe I should post in AIBU
'I got 'lumped' with my SS and SD for four weeks during the summer holidays, because their mother wanted a break (she wanted to use the money she gets for them every week to buy things for her new baby, her 8th) during which I was expected to provide for them (they came in clothes and shoes with holes in them) so had to have a new wardrobe each as well as being fed, neither their mother or father contributed money wise to this, indeed their father booked himself a long week holiday (two weekends and the week in between) during that time, instead of four weeks it turned into six, bringing me up to a week before I was due to give birth,
After this I asked for two weeks following the birth for time to relax and get to know my baby before any visits from SC's when I would be expected to run round after them cooking cleaning ect as they're lazy and can't even shower without being told to and leave wet towels all over the place as well as dirty pants am I being unreasonable' - then sit back with popcorn and watch the sparks fly

She's at the end of her tether because she wants to walk around naked?

Naked walking would be the last thing on my mind if I was really at the end of my tether but maybe that's just me.

Oh sparky you've been vicious and you know it. Why not just apologise profusely for your unpleasantness. Who do you think you are to call all step parents princesses? And that's not bullying? Oh dear.

There you go again, taking something out of context and shaking it in your clenched jaw until it begs for mercy. Like I say, get out more.

things 8th Baby?

Quote something vicious I have said appletarts, please.

No sparky, apart from calling her unpleasant and petulant just now.

I think theres a definite "poor me" attitude among many of the SM on this thread who seek to portray themselves as victimised and attacked which imo is irrelevant to this particular thread

Well, as there is plenty of social research to prove that there is negative attiudes within all societies and cultures towards stepmums, I think that is a fair position to take.
I agree that it is irrelevant to the OP, but it wasn't the stepmothers who have posting on this thread who commented on the titles and content of the stepparenting board - it was other posters who chose to deride the suggestion that the OP might get more support on the stepparenting board than here on AIBU.

I ask again - has a SN, relationships or any other post on a specialist board EVER been deliberately "bumped" to prove a point in AIBU?

I believe one thread was bumped wasn't it? I don't know because I haven't looked.

Still noone can tell me where these biscuits are in SP. Because they aren't there are they? Nobody jumped into the board and started attacking SMs. People on here (apart from maybe 2) weren't attacking SMs, they were upset with the OP specifically.

Yes, sparky - one more than on any other specialist board designed to support posters.
Several other titles on the stepparenting were commented on, without any idea of the content - ioncludiing one of my own which was used as evidence of Wicked Stepmum status, after all, "who wouldn't consider their DSC part of their family?"

Of course, that poster had the good grace to apologise once they realised that they had got the wrong end of the stick.

It is hard enough to compile posts when I'm upset about what is happening in my life - trying to make sure I don't post a title that will be used as ammunition is someone elses AIBU battle a few weeks later is beyond my capabilities. Hounded is a word that springs to mind.

thatisall I mistook a "bump" for a biscuit - apologies, I have crap technology.

The effect is the same, though - using someones post seeking support to evidence a point in AIBU.

Frog You posted on a public message board, these posts do not disappear into oblivion.

apple so it's ok to call an entire group of men and women bullies?? A serious and insulting word...but it isn't ok to ask which of the dosens you are referring to? It's ok for people to make up 'biscuits' being posted on resurrected posts in an attempt to bully step parents further, but it's ridiculous to ask where this invisible biscuits are and I should just get a life? It's ok to imply that everyone who comments on AIBU unreasonable threads is cruel as opposed to on the SP threads where everyone is apparently lovely...that isn't insulting at all is it?

Oh, well - if I'm only being attacked by two posters, thats all right then.

This post is really sad. You poor step son. Don't get into a relationship with a person who has children if you don't want to watch those children grown up. People really must anticipate their step children moving in with them some day - anything can happen and teenagers certainly get the "grass is greener" ideas in their heads. Poor kid, I hope he doesn't realise how unwanted he is :(

No frog I'm not having that you said that posters had basically descended on the SP board, and posted on a load of threads. Someone asked where the word SKIds was used and a poster (not me) write a . to 'bump' a thread where it was in the title. Hardly a siege is it? But you used it as an attack in the posters on this thread and as evidence of how sm were being attacked. That's not cricket

I say that as a step parent

You posted on a public message board, these posts do not disappear into oblivion

Yes, I posted on a public mesage board that has chat and moderation guidelines - and here on MN, referring to other threads is specifically discouraged.

As there is a wider debate about whether MN is able to maintain the level of moderation required to uphold those guidelines, I don't think I need to say anymore.

No they're not there. It's an exaggeration to detract from the fact that this particular SM isn't behaving too well and try to convince us how tough it is for THEM the grown adults in these situations. Ridiculous.

Clearly not ALL SM are like this ( there's some lovely ones on this thread) just as there are many different kinds of bio mothers and I say again both types would have met with a similar reception. It's the SM on this thread that have tried to justify the OP's position with excuses of how much harder it is for them. ALL families have different challenges, my own included, yours just happens to be that you are in a blended family with all the issues that arise from that.

you said that posters had basically descended on the SP board, and posted on a load of threads.

Where did I say that? It definitely wasn't me!

Biscuits haven't been posted. Full stops have, by Monet - to bump posts to the top so they're easily found, in order to make a point or an example.
Then there was the thinly veiled attempt at a thread about a thread.

I think the way that things have been made up and the word bullying has been thrown around willy nilly is almost as said as the OP...you know about a young lad who really doesn't want to go to his mums (for reasons we can't know) but isn't really wanted at his dads and appears to be resented by his sm because of her wider issues.

I hear you OP. My SS lived with us 24/7 from age 17 to 24. Went on holiday once for one week in that time. Was once going to stay over at a mates but walked in about 11.30 announcing he had 'changed his mind'. His mother ? Oh don't worry about her she moved to other end of country with her boyfriend in an apartment , just the two of them. Never invited SS to go and stay with her once (in fact actively dismissed it when suggested by his dad/my DH that he might visit her sometime). My SS left home finally a few years ago. I was definitely at the end of my tether and would not still be here or married to my DH had he not gone when he did. yes I hear you OP !

thingsthat. Not thinly veiled. A thread about word use, posted by me. If you still take issue with it why not post there.