to think the statement should be "Mr and Mrs Tindall" and not "Mr and Mrs Mike Tindall"?

[OrlandoWoolf]

"Using Phillips' married name, a Palace spokesperson said in a statement at the time: "Mr and Mrs Mike Tindall are very pleased to announce that Zara Tindall is expecting a baby in the new year."

Talk about losing your identity.

MozzChops - yes,people do actually give a shit about how a couple are addressed and the fact that "tradition" is that it is the man's first name and the man's surname.

It's just another symbol of how women used to be and still are viewed by some people.

Too true talkin you can call yourself whatever you like so long as you aren't trying to commit fraud.

Both of us kept our surnames on marriage, the logistics of which seem to baffle most people. Asking my wife questions Like; 'did uou have to tell them at the registry office you weren't going to change your name' or 'how do you stop yourself from becoming Mrs Hat.'?

The thing I get cross about is 'didn't your husband kick up a fuss?' Or being told by older male relatives 'I wouldn't have stood for that.' As if the only 'normal' male reaction is to want (and practically demand) that their wife take their surname and for her not to do is emasculating.

But I can see how you might get offended by feminists. Constantly questioning the status quo, analysing stuff and asking for a change in how women are treated and viewed in society.

It must be so annoying for you that feminists exist and question society. Why don't they just STFU and go back to being little wives who are owned by their husband with no rights or identity?

Supercosy - I think actually thinking about lesbian couples is a good illustration of how ridiculous this naming tradition is.

If Jane Smith and and Sarah Jones marry, they might choose to be Jane and Sarah Jones (though actually, I don't know any lesbians who have chosen this route. I've seen amalgamated names, double barrelled names, new family names and obviously keeping own name. Which says something I think about how we accept changing in one direction only in straight couples as the default). Now how daft would it be if the former Miss Jane Smith was now Mrs Sarah Jones? (and not just because of the confusion).

We only fail to see the weirdness of it in straight couples because years of tradition has made us immune to it. I'm not Mrs John Kale, I am Mrs (or, increasingly these days, Ms) Penguin Kale.

Great post by PGTip
Also agree with you MozzChopsThirty - I too hide the feminist board for this sort of reason and indeed everything else I ever read on there before I decided to stop it coming into my active convos by accident.

Supercosy makes a good point - in a lesbian marriage the term 'Mrs John Smith' wouldn't apply at all, so how can it be correct for any marriage?

BackforGood

What reason would you hide this thread? Do you think there is something wrong about questioning society and societal norms?

Seriously - I can't understand how anyone would have an issue with people questioning how things are done?

If you're happy to lose your first name and surname when you get married and to have a tradition that that's just what happens to women when they get married, then fair enough. I can't see why you would have an issue with it being discussed though.

Or shouldn't women discuss their role and status in society?

Some people seem to get very angry that others take issue with the tradition.

I haven't hidden this thread Orlando, I've hidden the Feminist area generally, because, it seemed that everytime I read a thread or commented on one, there seemed to be this total disregard that anyone could possibly have a different opinion, or if they did, that that opinion could in any way be valid.

People were just continually repeating what they thought everyone ought to think and were blinkered to the concept that not everyone might share those views. It's ages since I've hidden it so can't comment on any particular thread, that's just the lasting impression I get from those threads. There's no point trying to have a discussion / join a debate if everyone has made up their mind and considers everyone else's views to be worthless.
Nothing wrong with questioning society - I love a good debate myself, but equally, there's nothing wrong with people being able to say 'actually, I'm fine with that' or 'I can't get worked up about that' or 'I know their intention wasn't to offend' or whatever, which certainly wasn't what was happening on the feminism boards when I last had the misfortune to read any threads.
I'm not down trodden, or discriminated against, and get quite annoyed when women claim they haven't got something they wanted "because I'm a woman", when there are sometimes other factors that come into play.

Actually the only female civil partnership I know chose one of the two surnames.

Mrs Jane Smith would be confusing though. Jane Smith who happens to be married, or Sarah who is married to Jane Jones?

What do people do when the man has a unisex name? Mrs Alex Jones, etc?

Ah bollocks. You know what I mean.

Did anyone else notice that the announcement referred to Mike Tindall's parents as 'Mr Philip and Mrs Linda Tindall'.
Which doesn't follow the 'correct' form people have been talking about - unless they're divorced I suppose but I don't know if they are or not.

I think if they were divorced it would be Mr Philip Tindall and Mrs Linda Tindall.

Why do we use titles anyway? When does it ever make a difference unless you're showing off a doctorate or similar?

Oh dear Orlando you couldn't be further from the truth!
But no I don't give a shit how people are addressed on envelopes, it has no relevance to anything.

However if you want to discuss things that matter that I deal with every day like domestic abuse, women not even allowed to leave their house, beaten by family members etc then fine, these matters are important and worth discussion

Mozzchops

Maybe it's small compared to other issues but it's still part of the same view of women. Like the campaign to get a female on the £10 note. A small issue but part of a bigger picture.

I often get letters to mr and mrs my initial our surname. My DH is livid. Not.
In fact before we were married he was called mr my maiden name. Surely this has happened to other women who put their name to things?
I think women are seen as the head of the family now.

I hate this archaic and sexist naming convention and am glad it's no longer the norm.

PGTip I, too, am happily married and spent a (very) long time as a SAHM, dependent on my husband's income. It was taken for granted between us that my work, bringing up our children, was just as important as his, in the market place.

But that doesn't mean that I want to have my name complete subsumed by my husband's! (I wouldn't want his to disappear into mine either.) What's in a name ? Quite a lot, I think! They are symbols of much wider issues.

It's perfectly possible to care about sexist outdated social conventions and major tragedies simultaneously. The "haven't you got anything more serious to worry about" argument is lazy IMO.

I expect people used to think the woman's vow to "obey" her husband was no big deal, not relevant to anything and not serious enough to warrant discussion. But look, that doesn't feature in the marriage service any more. Because although it's harmless words, it's indicative of an outdated attitude that has no place in modern society.

It's not part of the bigger picture it's middle class bullshit!

No one really cares about this!

Flowery it's not part of an outdated society it's personal choice. Maybe Zara wanted the announcement to be made as it was, isn't that here right?

PGTip

But as some people have pointed out,according to etiquette and Debrette's, it's correct to use the male first name when talking about a couple.

Do you think this etiquette is acceptable nowadays or do you think it could be updated to represent women's increased social status from chattel and a male appendage/

It's not personal choice if you want / are expected to follow protocol.