Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think the statement should be "Mr and Mrs Tindall" and not "Mr and Mrs Mike Tindall"?

206 replies

OrlandoWoolf · 17/01/2014 13:42

"Using Phillips' married name, a Palace spokesperson said in a statement at the time: "Mr and Mrs Mike Tindall are very pleased to announce that Zara Tindall is expecting a baby in the new year."

Talk about losing your identity.

OP posts:
Original poster
OrlandoWoolf · 17/01/2014 15:04

It's not the surname that bothers me.

It's the fact that they are known as "Mr and Mrs Michael Tindall.

Not simply Mr and Mrs Tindall. Or Mrs and Mr Tindall. But the Mr has to come first.

OP posts:
ProfondoRosso · 17/01/2014 15:06

I wouldn't expect anything better from the royals, tbh.

MrsMarigold · 17/01/2014 15:10

See Debretts.

HoratiaDrelincourt · 17/01/2014 15:53

She comes first when it's first names, though...

Zara and Mike Tindall
Horatia and Marcus Drelincourt

It's for an outdated reason (not separating a man from his permanent surname) but still, her first.

TheListingAttic · 17/01/2014 15:57

flowery Yes. Exactly.

TheListingAttic · 17/01/2014 15:58

MrsMarigold Debretts don't get to tell me what my name is.

GrandadGrumps · 17/01/2014 15:59

The Palace always does it that way round.

I don't think anyone is going to persuade the Queen to change.

So she's Mrs Philip Mountbatten is she?

This is the entirely 'proper' way to address a married couple but it even made me Shock 35 years ago when I first noticed it. I'm reminded of it every year or so when I see "Mr & Mrs Bob Ferris" being referred to in The Likely Lads. It's so 60s & 70s it's cringeworthy.

I've even had (younger than me) customers talk to me on the phone and when I've asked them for a delivery name and address I've had something like Mr & Mrs Bob Ferris, Acacia Avenue, Sadtown. Ridiculous.

NewtRipley · 17/01/2014 16:00

It's formal and old-fashioned. I think the Royal Family is probably one of only a few institutions who still use this form of language.

I don't seem to remember receiving any letters in this form for a good few years, though it used to be the norm when I was a child. Gradually dying out

NewtRipley · 17/01/2014 16:03

Aaw flowery

You know, you really need to stop all this thinking and analysing. Not very feminine Wink

Nanny0gg · 17/01/2014 16:08

So
If you've kept your own name on marriage, or if living together, are letters for both of you addressed as Mr A. Jones & Ms B. Smith?

(Just checking I'm doing it right.)

Blu · 17/01/2014 16:09

No one would call me by my husband's name!

I am clearly not suited to marrying into royalty or any other antiquated system.

Annexing a woman as a part of her DH's name is so clearly based on values and ideas no-one would support now.

Would the palace collapse if they called them 'Mr and Mrs Mike and Zara Tindall'? If indeed she calls herself Zara Tindall?

Blu · 17/01/2014 16:09

nanny - yes!

BookroomRed · 17/01/2014 16:13

It's 'traditional', in the sense of anachronistic, misogynist and awful.

Anyone referring to me as anything other than Dr Myname MySurname would be wearing their ass as a hat.

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 17/01/2014 16:13

Oh god this one again. Do people truly not know this is still the tradition of writing names? It hasn't altered just because times have. By all means have a personal preference and I totally see the feminist angle etc and don't disagree with it, but these angst ridden threads on it when there's an example in the press I find very fake and a bit daft. Or just 'angry from x town' type.

Have a word with debretts maybe. That used to be the etiquette book didn't it?

tomverlaine · 17/01/2014 16:14

I think if you are living together you can be Miss x maidenname rather than Ms (though you can choose to be ms i guess?)

Original poster
OrlandoWoolf · 17/01/2014 16:16

minnie

It's not fake. Is it daft to raise a feminist / sexist point or should feminists just STFU and stop thinking about stuff. Like bank notes, the patriarchal wedding service etc.

OP posts:
BackforGood · 17/01/2014 16:19

I have no problem with it, as a traditional form of address, but, in this case, if you said "Mr and Mrs Tindall's baby has been born" I'd be thinking 'Who?', whereas the announcement "Mr and Mrs Mike Tindall's baby has been born" means I know who they are, as Mike Tindall is famous, Mr Tindall isn't.

Fleta · 17/01/2014 16:26

These threads honestly make me a bit surprised that anyone would get so worked up over the way they are addressed on an envelope.

When I used to work the systems as a matter of course - when details filled in - would address letters to Mr & Mrs His Initial Married Name.

I never once had a complaint. Ever.

I address envelopes like that to each and every married couple I know. I have never had a complaint and I know most of them well enough for them to say "actually, could you address us as...."

GrandadGrumps · 17/01/2014 16:29

I wouldn't have a clue who Mike Tindall is if it wasn't for the fact that I've been reminded by what this thread's about. I've just had to google him to confirm he is who I think he is.

I accept that I'm not like most people.

GrandadGrumps · 17/01/2014 16:31

In fact BackforGood you're actually saying that she's only defined by her husband's identity aren't you? At the risk of sounding like I'm PO, that's clearly bollocks.

Nanny0gg · 17/01/2014 16:34

Annexing a woman as a part of her DH's name is so clearly based on values and ideas no-one would support now.

Oh. Actually it doesn't bother me in the slightest. But then I was desperate to get rid of my (clearly patriarchal) and hideous 'maiden' name)

I'm glad I do it right for those it matters to though.

flowery · 17/01/2014 16:39

It's not just about that though Fleta. It's about the wider problem it represents. If someone addressed me spelling my name incorrectly, or using the wrong title, or whatever, I wouldn't get remotely worked up about it.

The reason people find this particular aspect of name-on-an-envelope to be a problem is because it is indicative of ingrained sexism, and continues to give off the message that the male in a heterosexual relationship is more important than the female.

It's not that the person addressing the envelope (necessarily) thinks that about the specific couple in question, it's about a society where putting the man's name for both in a couple is ok and normal, and what kind of society that is, and whether we still want our society to be one that considers that normal and ok.

theladyrainy · 17/01/2014 16:43

Yes I agree with flowery - it's traditional but it's not correct.

sisterofmercy · 17/01/2014 16:45

Given that it's the Royal Family we're talking about I think it is amazing that they're only 50 years behind instead of 100 years like they were in the 80s when Charles married a young virgin of the right family instead of the woman he wanted. They're making progress and Zara has been a big part of that.

HoratiaDrelincourt · 17/01/2014 16:52

We should also remember that the announcement could have been about Princess Zara and Mr... by comparison with which Mrs Mike Tindall is extremely modern. We are talking about the most modern and feminist although that isn't saying a lot part of a family headed by the richest and most powerful woman on the planet.