To think its unfair that bil does nothing but gets half the money?

[Notaboutmoney]

Have name changed as have a feeling I could be BU, dh and bil are joint executors and beneficiaries on mil estate. Bil lives abroad so we have done everything, all the probate forms (saving about £10k in solicitors fees) cashing in accounts, cancelling everything, cleaning and dressing house for sale, and now clearing house - it has been a LOT of work, made worse because house is an 8 hour round trip from where we live. I know Bil can't do much as he's abroad, but he spent 4 weeks in house over summer and did nothing, we'd cleaned it before he arrived and he didn't even Hoover or clean because he ran out of time so we ended up cleaning again the next time we went up. (He has a family of 4). Last week I listed all furniture on ebay and got a couple of thousand pounds for it, I think if we'd got house clearance in we would have got a pittance or even paid them, it's taken me all week to list, communicate and organise and will now take all weekend to clear, to be honest I begrudge handing over any of it but know he's entitled to half so will do the right thing. Just want to rant really...

All your fees should be included in wrapping up the estate and deducted from the final amount. Ask your solicitor - he ought to be advising you on this stuff....esp if he's getting £10k

We haven't used a solicitor, it wasn't hard to do, just time consuming, and they wanted to charge £10k, this is money I've saved the estate, we benefit as well as bil, it wasn't £5ks worth of my time, and we still would have had to have done a fair bit to provide the solicitor with the info.

Slightly sneaky I know, but could you fudge the figure for the amount that you got on eBay & deduct that? Or you could be upfront & then invoice him for your time. It doesn't sound like you want to make a massive deal about it. It is unfair but as you say I think a good old MN rant is what you need!

You have made me smile - yes a mumsnet rant is what I need! I know dh feels bad every time I say anything and I wouldn't mention in RL as it sounds grabby, but it really isn't about the money, it's the laziness and complete lack of caring that he's not doing his fair share - it's his own mothers possessions and affairs - he should want to do it for her (sorry need to get off the soapbox)

OP, you should certainly at least make sure that you've claimed all your expenses, as you're legally entitled to that. Sadly, I believe it is the case that you are not legally entitled to charge unless provision has been made for such in the will. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't write to your BiL saying that you would like to make a charge for the amount of time you've spent dealing with probate, and how would he feel about that? His response may well surprise you.

Alternatively, perhaps your DH could suggest to your BiL that you are entitled to a spa weekend or a gift or something because you've done such a lot of hard work and present it as his own idea.

I absolutely think you are entitled to something.

Is he demanding half?

No, my dh is very straight, the will says half each so he thinks it should be half each. I just think most people would have a conscience and at least acknowledge they're not pulling their weight or say thank you. He just says nothing, I did say it's been a lot do work when I saw him in the summer - he just said 'oh'. My dh just thinks he's socially miscued.

MrsSteptoe, my dh has bought me a lovely present, but that's from his half, so our money - it is lovely though and I know he appreciates how much I have done

I think he's pretty cheeky to have left the house in a state after staying in it and I do sympathise.

We live abroad and DH and I have mused on the fact that we won't be much help when we reach this sad time. I sort of comfort myself that my and his siblings have had the benefit of lots of free child care from the parents, that we haven't had. To the extent that none of them have ever had to take time off with sick DC as the parents always scramble to the rescue.

That said, if you're 8 hours away, you probably haven't had anything like that either.

I really think your present should be deducted from the estate before the remainder is split. Or that you keep some or all of the eBay cash. I know that I'd be happy with that in your BIL's shoes.

You are married to a noble, honest, good man from this one thread and you could have picked the lazy thoughtless one. That is worth millions; never mind thousands. Did that piece of vomitous schmaltz work?

My friend was an executor of his elderly neighbours estate. themain beneficary was a neice who lived some distance away and couldnt help. He claimed an administration fee per hour for work done as it impacted on his own time time. Guesstimate the time, multiply by pph, print out and offer to your husband to check. I think my friend charged 0.5% overall.

I think you are entitled to bill the estate for your time. It doesn't make any sense not to, IMO.

Of course it's unfair! When my Dad died, me and my 2 siblings were the executors of his (modest) estate. I was recovering from an op and my brother working abroad a lot, so it fell to my sis to do the majority of clearing the house, paperwork etc etc. My sister said nothing but I had a quick word with my brother and agreed that she should have a few hundred pounds from the estate before it was then shared between the 3 of us. She was really pleased, she hasn't thought of it because she had been so busy in the middle of it all. Recognising everything she had done was important to me and my brother and my sister felt valued, as of course she should because she was wonderful and it was a hard slog.
Your dh and bil need to talk.

Billing your own relatives? That certainly takes family relationships to a new level. Will you take responsibility if it causes DH and his brother to fall out?

Really your DH should be dealing with his brother.

It is interesting that you say BIL should want to sort out his mother's estate. So should your DH - it's YOU who has been doing it. Your BIL hasn't asked for half either, your DH is proclaiming this will happen from his lofty position of supervisor.

So YANBU to feel a bit pissed. But I think it should be aimed at DH not BIL!

BohemianGirl, you could turn it around and say "using weeks of your SILs valuable time to take care of your own business? That certainly takes family relationships to a new level." Pretty cheeky too, don't you think?

Definitely bill the estate for your time, it's a legitimate expense you can claim surely.

I would deduct a small amount from the ebay cash to cover your expenses (petrol) then divide in half.

Your BIL hasn't asked for half either, your DH is proclaiming this will happen from his lofty position of supervisor.

Her DH has to give the brother half because the furniture forms part of the estate. It's would be illegal to ignore the terms of the will. He isn't being lofty.

It does sound like you've done a lot - has your husband been with you at every stage?

I think you've done a wonderful thing in your MIL's memory and sadly your BIL will never realise exactly how much was involved.

(Am dealing with my late mother's estate so know what I'm talking about. This type of thread gives me another reason to be grateful I'm an only child.)

I think you would be entitled to charge reasonable expenses to the estate, especially as those expenses would not be subject to inheritance tax (don't know what size the estate is).

whilst i am sure in the same situation i would feel the same, and i do think you ought to be able to claim expenses. i think that these things where money is involved usually causes more upset than it ought to and for the purpose of maintaining long term relationships with your bil might be best to gratefully accept the gift from your dh and have a jolly good rant here!
alternatively if you fear your bil may now wish to base his UK holidays at your house and not Hoover there either maybe upsetting him a bit might be a good plan?

Had the same issue with my mum's estate. I asked my brother to do one thing and he cocked it up. I keep joking that the bunch of flowers to say thanks is on it's way!

You have chosen to do a load of stuff to increase the value of the estate so your DH will get more. BIL didn't ask or expect you to do any of this, so stop playing the martyr. It obviously works on your DH, but there is no reason it should on your BIL.

Presumably, if you weren't around, a solicitor & house clearance firm would have been used and BIL may well have preferred that to having to deal with a martyred SIL, acting like some sort of saint for trying to squeeze the max money out his mother's estate.