To think its unfair that bil does nothing but gets half the money?

[Notaboutmoney]

Have name changed as have a feeling I could be BU, dh and bil are joint executors and beneficiaries on mil estate. Bil lives abroad so we have done everything, all the probate forms (saving about £10k in solicitors fees) cashing in accounts, cancelling everything, cleaning and dressing house for sale, and now clearing house - it has been a LOT of work, made worse because house is an 8 hour round trip from where we live. I know Bil can't do much as he's abroad, but he spent 4 weeks in house over summer and did nothing, we'd cleaned it before he arrived and he didn't even Hoover or clean because he ran out of time so we ended up cleaning again the next time we went up. (He has a family of 4). Last week I listed all furniture on ebay and got a couple of thousand pounds for it, I think if we'd got house clearance in we would have got a pittance or even paid them, it's taken me all week to list, communicate and organise and will now take all weekend to clear, to be honest I begrudge handing over any of it but know he's entitled to half so will do the right thing. Just want to rant really...

I don't understand why you wouldn't say something to him. 'I've done this, I've done that, cleaned up after you and whilst I understand that you are upset, Thank you would not be that difficult.'

There, said, done, dusted.

Agree with others saying that you should be reimbursed for costs (including fuel for trips to sort out the house) but I wouldn't charge for my time. It's not worth seeming mean or grabby over (I'm not saying you are at all, but it could be spun that way). I don't blame you for being pissed off about BIL's lack of help or even acknowledgement of what you've done, but I think you have to let it go.

Hopefully now you won't need to do anything more for him.

Ah well. That often happens in families. Have a nice rant. I would leave the money though as it's just not worth a falling out.

If BIL lives somewhere nice and sunny abroad I suggest you all invite yourselves to stay this summer for a free holiday, eat them out of house and home, take one small cheap bottle of wine as a thank you, and make sure the kids leave an enormous mess

and btw he probably has no clue how much trouble it has been, as you have been calm and efficient and not a diva and he has given it no thought at all. So he's not decided to ignore it, he just doesn't realise.

so its all about money then...what about the person who died, does anyone think of her or grieve her? my first thoughts were to send you condolences, but it doesnt sound like you need them, you just want to bitch about the money, fair enough, you and the bil deserve each other

OP, go on rant on here!
For what it's worth it sounds like you have done a good job and your BiL is a bit of a PITA.
Your work as increased your DH inheritance, so it's not wasted.

Now back to RL.....don't say anything. You will only come across as a money grabbing martyr [not saying you are, just what others might think]. You could cause a huge family row, people not talking ever again, horrid resentment....you don't want that, do you?

As the saying goes " where there is a will there is a family argument"

themaltesefalcon - theft, eh? How about if OP had got a quote for house clearance, but instead sold stuff on eBay (at considerable time and effort, all that photographing, listing, arranging collection) and kept the difference between money raised and house clearance quote - would that still be 'theft'? Or fair recompense for work done?

I think it would be theft - it is not her stuff to sell.

I think the main issues here are communication.

Perhaps BIL would've preferred a faceless solicitor and house clearance company to deal with it all. Did you agree upfront that you were going to be the one in charge of doing all of this work?

Did you actually clearly tell him that? Did he agree it was best?

Because if you had've done, then surely that would've been the time to mention that it would only fair to remove expenses etc. Would he really have disagreed?

Or perhaps he isn't as bothered about the sum of money from his mothers estate as you are? Perhaps it's not as important to him?

Or perhaps he doesn't know any of this is actually going on? Are you sending him regular updates, telling him how much you are doing?

I think it's a bit U to moan when you don't seem to be actually talking about it.

You could have paid people to do what needed to be done.

You chose to do it yourselves.

YABU

So people would gladly hand over £10K to a solicitor just to fill out a couple of forms, plus however much to the house clearance company, just to make a point to the BIL? Right...

By maximising the value of the estate, the OP IS acting in self-interest, as presumably her honest, noble, valiant knight of a husband will share his share of the spoils with his lady.

The OP is not entitled, as some have suggested, to help herself to part of the property or proceeds therefrom. Yes, that would be theft, both legally and morally. As ithaka said, it isn't her stuff to sell.

The OP has left herself wide open to accusations of this type of thing anyway by taking all this upon herself- and therefore has to be especially careful to make sure everything is above board.

By maximising the value of the estate, the OP IS acting in self-interest

I really don't get this. By maximising the value of the estate, the OP and her husband are making sure that the money the MIL spent xx years working and saving for ends up where she wanted it to and not in the hands of a legal firm.

Arghh -just wrote loads and lost it!! So will summarise

Have kept BIL involved every step of way, he's had plenty of opportunity to say he wanted to use a solicitor or house clearance, he just doesn't care, he wants nothing from house.

I did it to help dh and out of respect for mil, who was a very private lady, and would've hated strangers going through her clothes jewellery etc.

Even if we'd used solicitor/house clearance still loads to do, there were 3 bureaus of paperwork and it took 2 days to find a death certificate - would anyone really pay £230 an hour for a solicitor to sort through this? Same with cleaning and disposal, someone has to get quotes make appointments, be at the property to let in etc. and insurance says we have to visit at least every 30 days to stay valid.

Not sure why anyway wouldn't maximise value of estate, I think it would be disrespectful to just get a man in a van to take the lot away.

It's not about the money it's about appreciating that someone has done more than their fair share, whether it was me or my dh. No one wants to clear their parents house, it's a very sad thing to do, but sometimes you have to put others (in this case late MILs) needs above your own and do the right thing.

And what do I intend to do? Nothing of course, I really just wanted a rant which I can't do in real life because it could cause bad feeling, I don't feel entitled to the money, it just galls me that it's going in a spreadsheet and taken for granted like all the rest. A thank you would be perfectly fine!

When Dh's grandmother died, he did everything...cleared the house, dealt with the estate agents, redecorated and cleaned the house for sale.

His mum and auntie lived 250 miles away and his Uncle lives in Sweden. He wasn't even in the will!

Yabu

One thing to consider is that the amount of work would be the same even if your DH was sole beneficiary. You haven't done extra to enable the BIL to inherit. Except clean the house, which is a bit of a separate issue anyway.

A Thank You would be the least of a courteous acknowledgement of what you have done. this is true.

Notaboutmoney, I could have written your OP a couple of years ago. When the money was released (equally between 3 brothers) my BiLs sent DH and me on a holiday to the Maldives as thanks for what we had done. I was amazed because they had been seemingly so unappreciative during the process.

Wedding coming up - did his mothers and uncles say thank you?

So, how much do you think BIL should get then?

Nothing? 40%? Is cleaning out junk worth 10% of the value of the estate? Or, should he perhaps get 25%

Or maybe, you could divide it based on how many visits over the last 40/50 years? Should you perhaps subtract the years your BIL has lived overseas?

What do you suggest?

Bohemian Girl my db ( solicitor)charged my sisters and I for doing df estate.
Was a bit gobsmacked tbh.
Didn't complain to him but my sisters and I whined to each other.