or should I make life as easy as possible for him?

[Justforlaughs]

Genuinely not sure about this one. I have 5 children and a lovely husband who does help with some of the housework (tidying up, washing, washing up) but does little with running kids round, cooking etc. He has agreed (encouraged, and paid) for me to visit my sister for 10 days while he stays home and looks after the children. I have a choice, I can arrange for friends to help out with running around, prepare meals and freeze them and generally make life as easy as possible, or I can just let him get on with it. I am grateful (and use the word advisedly) that I can go but I feel that he has NO idea of what I do and how hard it is to juggle everything around my work (he has got the time off work). So, votes please

"'but you can tell from the look on his face, when he walks through the door and the dishes have been washed but not dried, he's thinking "what HAS she been doing all day"

Not 'Why aren't my children pulling their weight?'

Has he also forgotten that she goes out to work as well when he puts on this deeply unpleasant expression?

If you usually work, and he is going to be off all day, I would leave him to it. If you have the time and you're feeling generous by all means leave an emergency casserole in the freezer but otherwise I would let them all manage by themselves. Only you can judge if you are molly-coddling your kids and making them an evening meal /dropping/collecting them to evening activities hardly constitutes this.

I would make sure that the washing etc are up to date and make it clear that there is an expectation that you don't come back to a mountain of it.
Have fun - it will be good for both you and your family for you to be away for a bit.

Or a pile of take-away menus?

Enjoy your trip OP.

I'd be fucking unimpressed if any friend if mine asked me to help her husband look after his own children for 5 days. Are you crazy?

Eirikur - I think what OP has in mind is saying to a friend "Would you be able to collect DS from rugby this week. DH is looking after the children on his own and it would help him out massively." I actually wouldn't have a problem with this at all assuming my DC was also at rugby. I don't think she meant setting up a rota of friends to cook the family's dinner.

If it was me I think that the week before I'd say things like 'shall we do the shopping for you for next week while there are 2 of us here? What will you be cooking? If you write me a list I can pick things up for you.'

And other things like that - help him to forward plan a bit the way you probably do without thinking too much about it but without doing the thinking for him.

Does he want you to arrange any help? You could leave him friends' numbers in case he wants to arrange help for himself. But he may find it a pain if other people are interfering.

I'd leave him to it not to prove a point but because he hasn't asked you to do otherwise.

You'll probably come back to house a mess and lots of things not done, but you'll have had a lovely break.

I would leave him a list of where and when's but if he needs further help it would be for him to enlist or ask for it.

Again, why should she expect to come home to a mess?

My partner has been off for a week and isn't coming home to a mess and a pile of things not done*. And I've been working all week. I've even done the washing, which he usually does.

*admittedly the dishwasher broke but I don't think that was my fault.

'Again, why should she expect to come home to a mess?'

Because she has three teenagers and an adult child who are accustomed to her doing the chores, and so they won't get done for ten days if she's not there.