To check my 12 year olds phone from time to time ?

[Nittyb]

She is aware I do, & obviously she thinks I am ! I do understand she feels I'm invading her privacy, and I'm not entirely comfortable with that either, I just feel I need to be aware of anything inappropriate ?
Does anyone else do this or just me ?

Mine are too little for phones but I will absolutely do this in future.

If you explain your reasons to her will she understand?

What are you checking? Phone numbers, texts, photos (surely she can delete any of them). Is it a smart phone? If I was that worried I'd buy her a simple phone she can text on.

One of the conditions for my 11 year old getting a phone for Christmas was that we have access to it at all times to check texts sent and received. I know that she can delete them but she is rather scatterbrained and I think it just won't occur to her to do so!

No, I have had the same from 11yo ds and still check, although I do it when he isn't there. I can't check Kik but look at Instagram and texts.

No, I do this as well, my DD knows I do and going by how many messages etc she has on there I don't think she's deleting anything! We agreed that she could have the phone on the understanding that it would be checked occasionally.

I'm not particularly worried, it is a smart phone, I have explained to her why, which when she calms down she does understand and really I only scim through it as most of it is mindless chat ! I just feel in a bit of dilemma about whether I should , but if I found something to worry about I guess I would be glad I did. I can't see me dong it for much longer.

Reassurring to know other parents do too, there just weren't these kind of things to worry about when I was that age !!

yanbu you are just checking her phone not invading her privacy ime checking phones is just keeping them safe same with internet useage you wouldnt sent them outside to chat to a bunch of strangers she doesnt know unsupervised only thing i will advise you might read swearing or things that make you go that is just the way they speak sometimes IYSWIM

My children aren't old enough yet to have phones but when they do I will absolutely be checking them!

send them*

I don't think a 12 year old needs privacy more than she needs protection. The rule in this house is there is no internet/phone privacy til 16. Anything that needs to be kept private before then should be kept off the internet/social media or texts.

I used to very occasionally and I had emails copy when they were at primary, but their quickly becomes no point.

They have all day at school and an hour each way on the bus to gossip, plot, bully and be bullied without leaving a trace on their phones. (Apart from the delete message button).

Schools give out Email address that are externally contactable. My 12 (almost 13y) has KIK, instergram and Gmail accounts she's set up herself and no way am I going to try and police those.

I'm certain these things could be used for evil, but mostly they are used in a positive way for her to chat to her current friends and keep in touch with DF from primary who go to 4 different schools.

It's a very rural area with no central town, there are at least three places people might shop, have their Dr. dentist etc. no one obvious place to meet.

Without technology she'd have run up a hell of a phone bill and probably lost touch completely with her BF from primary.

How old will they have to be before you stop checking?

At what age will it start becoming an invasion of privacy?

When they are at school they have all sorts of live conversations with people that don't get logged or recorded.. they may even speak to strangers on the bus when I am not there.... why such concern about the phone?

I check my sons facebook account from time to time, so checking their phone us fine.

• cross posted....

And this doesn't mean she doesn't get my internet safety lecture at regular intervals.

Does she listen, she did when she was 6, at almost 13 does any 12-16y listen to anything?

YANBU for checking it at all.

On the other hand I think YABU for letting a 12yo have a phone.

All my 11 yr olds texts get sent to my husbands phone as well. We also check the phone for Instagram etc.

well one of my dds was being badly bullied when she was 13 the things I read broke my heart yet she was skipping about as though everything was normal yet texting her friend she wanted to die because these girls were so horrible, we live in an age where most bullying goes on in private on social network texting I do think we need to be vigilante

I think for me it's because of the issues around cyber bullying and what they can find on the internet. I don't know yet when I'll stop checking, we would have a discussion about it.

starfish my DD needs a phone, she does a lot of after school activities but they are sometimes changed and she needs to let me know, her school also assumes they have phones as they will quite often instruct them to text parents to let them know that they delayed coming back from say a sports fixture - means I'm not waiting for an hour at the school to pick her up!

tbh i am surprised that there appear to be so many 11 year olds with phones . noway would i get one for my dd yet

I don't know any senior schools kids without a phone!

mine isn't in secior school yet and is 11..

I don't think a 12 year old needs privacy more than she needs protection.

Yes, this. YANBU

I think some people live in a parallel universe to me.

A 12 year old not having a phone is odd imo

Mrsjay - I agree fully. I have found a few things out and been able to nip things in the bud by checking regularly.

As someone else said, the need for protection is far higher than any rights to privacy in my opinion. My dc's have to agree or else they have no access.