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AIBU?

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Original poster

To check my 12 year olds phone from time to time ?

55 replies

Nittyb · 16/01/2014 09:58

She is aware I do, & obviously she thinks I am ! I do understand she feels I'm invading her privacy, and I'm not entirely comfortable with that either, I just feel I need to be aware of anything inappropriate ?
Does anyone else do this or just me ?

OP posts:
DeWe · 16/01/2014 10:40

I check my 13yos, and my 10yos. Condition of having them entirely.

Prawntoast · 16/01/2014 10:40

My DD got her phone in the holidays between junior and senior school, she wouldn't have needed one in juniors so she didn't get one. I'd say about a third of her year 6 class had them (a couple had older sibling cast off's but with no SIM!)

Starballbunny · 16/01/2014 10:41

12yo have always had private access to a phone, it was a red box round the corner!

Farrowandbawl · 16/01/2014 10:43

Please check your childrens phones.

I can't go into why at the moment as I have the police involved now with an incident involving DD (13), but just keep checking them.

Bollocks to privacy, protecting them is more important.

mrsjay · 16/01/2014 10:44

12yo have always had private access to a phone, it was a red box round the corner!

well exactly and tbh if all this technology was available to us we would be using it at 12 too,

mrsjay · 16/01/2014 10:44

well me some of mumsnetters will always have had a mobile I am ancient

RutaSkadi · 16/01/2014 10:45

I don't think it's odd for an 11yo to have a phone either. Since ds started secondary it's been really useful, not only for school, but also for the times he's started to go out by himself.

It's an interesting question to ask at what age we'll stop checking their phones - I guess we'll know it when it comes!

Joysmum · 16/01/2014 10:46

Ourvdaught

mrsjay · 16/01/2014 10:47

i found it was a natural progression to stop checking i am still looking at dd2 facebook occasionally but it is all PM and chat isn't it so not much point she is quite open though tells me too much everything dd1 was a bit more guarded about things

specialsubject · 16/01/2014 10:52

a phone is useful. One that just texts and make calls does all that they need to be contacted and stay in touch. And costs a lot less too.

wintertimeisfun · 16/01/2014 10:55

i understand an 11yo having one once at secondary school, it is the thought of one at juniors having one (which is where dd still is). she doesn't know of anyone in her year having one as we were recently talking about it. i like that :-)

FiveHoursSleep · 16/01/2014 10:55

I check my DD's Instagram and text messages too. She is not really old enough for Instagram etc but we've let her install that as a social media taster before she is old enough to have FB etc.
I'm glad I do check, as although she's a sensible girls she has done a few potentially silly things that we've been able to discuss.
I think by the time she's 13 she will be much more aware thanks to my supervision.

mrsjay · 16/01/2014 10:56

most phones have the internet though i had an old flip phone years ago and i could still go on the internet if i wanted too, so even non smart phones have internet enabled

Dawndonnaagain · 16/01/2014 10:56

Always checked 'phones and fb accounts. Turns out it was a good thing.
Please check.

Joysmum · 16/01/2014 10:58

Wtf?

Our daughter was told she was getting a phone but on the proviso that we check it. Her emails and laptop go through the home server too.

She is very aware that one of the biggest reasons bullies and perverts get away with things is because they make the victim feel like it's their fault or nobody will believe them.

We swapped from an android to an iPhone because the parental controls are better after we found DD and friend searching for 18 cert films. So glad we did as that's not possible on her iPhone now.

RutaSkadi · 16/01/2014 11:01

Ds didn't have or need one in primary either, but he did have an ipod touch and the kids all sent messages to each other via email, group messages. It was entertaining for a while, but I'm glad it's stopped.

Specialsubject, you're right about the simple phone of course. I did try that at first, a very cheap payg, but ds hated it - it never made it out of his pocket or was ever answered. When he inherited my old smartphone he became instantly contactable.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 16/01/2014 12:03

Starball the difference being that a pervert couldn't contact a 12 year old via a phone box at midnight and groom them for abuse.

If you can't see the difference, and that people aren't just talking about bullying from school 'friends' here...

QuintessentialShadows · 16/01/2014 12:10

My son has an iphone. He does not have FB, but he has instagram.

He is logged in to instagram from my iphone too.... I check now and then. Something worrying did happen recently, so I am not going to stop checking. It gives him the knowledge that I am keeping an eye out and he can talk to me about anything.

TheTempest · 16/01/2014 12:23

I check DSD's (15) very rarely but with current issues we are having, she knows that if I ask for it then she hands it over.

We are free and open with phones though if me or DP leave our phones around she is allowed to look at photos etc, unless I ask her not too.

Just to add, I have seen KIK mentioned a couple of times . Be careful with that as it's private, photos can be deleted after 30 secs and will be gone from the conversation, and I have had a few weirdos contact me on there. Hmm

MadeOfStarDust · 16/01/2014 12:24

all the checking does is drive things "underground" if a child wants privacy - which IS a normal part of growing up they - will quickly learn to hide and delete the stuff they don't want mummy seeing!

Original poster
Nittyb · 16/01/2014 12:33

Thank you for all your replies, I feel
happier with my decision & will stick with it for the time being .

OP posts:
Picturesinthefirelight · 16/01/2014 12:35

Dd knows me & dh have access to her phone or it is taken & we check regularly.

She had abusive threatening texts within 2 weeks if her having the phone which we had to sort out with her previous school. She came straight to us when they started to cine through.

livvylove13 · 16/01/2014 12:51

I have three teens and i check all their phones, tablets computers, pods, psp or what ever they can web with. They know i do it, Explain to them regularly why i do it. I do it infront of them, and talk to them about internet safety. They huff puff and roll their eyes but if i can see they cant be trusted to have them.

I win they are safe they win

bongobaby · 16/01/2014 13:40

I check my 11 ds phone as he is on imessage. The other day he actually came to me and showed me a group chat message that he was on and asked me what the word Rape means. I looked at the messages and saw that this was topic of conversation and one reply was "its when a boy hurts a girl" apparently this was discussed in a year 6 lesson on the birds and the bees, which I don't think was true. But it made me horrified and to believe that maybe this was not discussed in a lesson at all and where did it all start from.
surely kids of 11 shouldn't know about these things

Davsmum · 16/01/2014 13:45

I think its ok to check - but any intelligent 12 year old would be savvy enough to delete anything they did not want Mum to see.