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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not give in and feed her anything else tonight?

64 replies

thisonesfree · 15/01/2014 17:13

My extremely intelligent two year old has decided to not even try her dinner tonight. I have a rule that unless they try it they can't say they don't like it. Normally I win. However tonight she has dug her heals in. Would I be unreasonable to just give her her milk and send her off to bed as usual?! I should point out I know she had a huge lunch at nursery today (three portions), a snack at 2.30 and a cracker and butter when she got home at 3.30 so maybe she's just full?!

Help!

OP posts:
totallyfedup06 · 15/01/2014 17:13

How is the fact that she is 'extremely intelligent' relevant to your post?

Enb76 · 15/01/2014 17:15

Does it matter totallyfedup?

YANBU. I would do the same.

DXBMermaid · 15/01/2014 17:16

Just feed her her milk and send her to bed. Can't hurt if it doesn't happen all the time especially as she had quite a bit to eat today.

Gileswithachainsaw · 15/01/2014 17:18

Yanbu.

She's probably just full. That sounds like a lot of food.

MummyPig24 · 15/01/2014 17:18

In this house if you don't eat dinner, or at least make and effort to try, there's nothing else until breakfast. So, yanbu.

MynameisnotEarl · 15/01/2014 17:18

If she's not hungry, she's not hungry. And there should be no "winning" where food is concerned.

minibmw2010 · 15/01/2014 17:19

Don't give her the milk. I'd normally be horrified if someone said that to me but after almost a month of standoff a with my very fussy 2.5 year old it was only when I got hardball about warning him there'd be no milk that e took me seriously as he knew he could wait it out to milk time and not go hungry! Also how long did you offer it? Offer it again in half an hour warmed up?

Tmrgl · 15/01/2014 17:19

You would not be unreasonable to give her milk only. You would be unreasonable to give in - because you would be giving a mixed message and she can't learn that way.

BertieBowtiesAreCool · 15/01/2014 17:19

Ooh, I'd say no at 2, but if you've threatened it then you should really follow through. I suppose if she's had a big lunch, it's not like she'll be starving hungry.

BertieBowtiesAreCool · 15/01/2014 17:22

I would definitely give milk. Not fair to punish her twice, not having another option is consequence enough. Plus if milk is part of bedtime then you risk upsetting that. Not worth it!

It is a bit different if it's an ongoing issue, but for this, no.

JabberJabberJay · 15/01/2014 17:23

How old is she exactly?

My just 2 year old doesn't understand that if they don't eat now, they might be hungry later.

If your DD is genuinely not hungry then that's fine. But I wouldn't personally send my 2 y o to bed if they were still hungry. I'd offer crackers and a banana or something before bath.

ThatVikRinA22 · 15/01/2014 17:23

but if she really is just not hungry when you offered is it not a bit off to then refuse something when she is hungry?

do you force yourself to eat when not hungry and then deny yourself food when you are?
not very healthy id say and unfair on your 2 year old if you dont live by the same rules!
at 2 i wouldnt sweat it and i would let her eat when she wants to. i would not give a pudding or anything - but i would re offer later.

pigletmania · 15/01/2014 17:26

I think she us still full from nursery, she had 3 portions. Even at that age their stomach is small. Just give her bits of toast or bread and cheese. Op w as trying to highlight that her dd understanding is probably very good so it paints a picture for us!

Original poster
thisonesfree · 15/01/2014 17:27

Wow, thanks for all your quick replies. Sometimes I doubt myself but most folks seem to be thinking along the same lines - phew!

By putting extremely intelligent I just wanted to make it clear that she knows what's what and understands the consequences IYSWIM?

Useful advice about the milk, But it's part of the bedtime routine and she always has it so I think it would really upset her if she didn't have it. She has about 150ml and doesn't usually use it as a food replacement. I think she's just being stubborn tonight and I really didn't want to back track on the deal. She's is fruit mad though and was really upset at being told no fruit unless she tried her dinner. I felt like the biggest baddest mum ever watching the tears roll down her face.

OP posts:
pigletmania · 15/01/2014 17:28

Fruit is good, if she wants that give it to her. Mabey she is full and does not want another big meal

JoinYourPlayfellows · 15/01/2014 17:28

I'm always bemused that on a site where leaving a baby to cry for 10 minutes is seem as horrific and cruel, leaving a toddler hungry for more than 12 hours is seen as acceptable.

thisone - it sounds like she's eaten a lot today, so I wouldn't sweat it.

But be aware that having "rules" about who must eat what and when and a desire to "win" at mealtimes is not going to play well for you if your toddler should turn out to be a very fussy eater such I was.

I frequently went hungry rather than eat the things my parents wanted to force me to try. The more they battled with me over mealtimes, the more stubborn I became about what I would and wouldn't eat.

Original poster
thisonesfree · 15/01/2014 17:29

She has two in September JabberJabber. I don't think she's hungry per se but worried that she might wake up in the middle of the night with a rumbly tummy!

OP posts:
cheminotte · 15/01/2014 17:30

Yanbu

pigletmania · 15/01/2014 17:30

She is still only 2 so a snack rather than a meal is better than nothing

Original poster
thisonesfree · 15/01/2014 17:32

We don't normally create battles Joinyour. We just ask them to try it before they say they don't like it. I was forced to eat stuff as a child and I don't want to do that to my children BUT they do have to at least put it in their mouth and taste it.

And whoever said it shouldn't be about winning - sorry about that probably a bad choice of words! I should have said she usually complies.

THanks again everyone

OP posts:
IShallCallYouSquishy · 15/01/2014 17:38

I have regular dinner time tantrums and refusal to even touch the food I've made from my 20 month old. I'm evil mummy and she is taken down from the table and that's her chance gone.

She gets milk before her bath every night so I figure at least she's getting some calories in her.

Sadly in my case she's not learning the "it's this or nothing" yet Hmm

juule · 15/01/2014 17:40

I would have considered that she wasn't hungry earlier taking into account her lunch, the snack and the cracker.

So, with that in mind I would probably have let her have the fruit if that's what she wanted. I would definitely give her the milk as it's part of her routine. I would also check that she doesn't feel hungry before she goes to bed. If she does, then I would let her have something to eat.

And if you say she is intelligent and knows what's what, then I presume she knows whether she is hungry or not. I also agree with VicarInaTutu's post.

teenagetantrums · 15/01/2014 17:40

food should never a battle if she doesn't want dinner give her a piece of fruit, why does it matter? sometimes i don't want dinner and just eat toast, if she is eating normally the rest of the time just let it go, don't make it into a power struggle.

Joysmum · 15/01/2014 17:44

Mine was offered meal at meal times and could have however much fruit she wanted between meals. I certainly wasn't going to get drawn into patterns if fussiness about what she'd eat or when she'd eat. If she wasn't hungry, no biggy, she was just reminded she was being very grown up for not eating when she wasn't hungry and to ask for fruit if she got peckish.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 15/01/2014 17:46

"Sadly in my case she's not learning the "it's this or nothing" yet"

She's one and a half!

Do you really think that's a good lesson to be teaching her?

That if she doesn't want to eat what you want her to eat when you want her to eat it that you will make her go hungry?

Really?

Parents who think they have taught their children to be good eaters are as deluded as parents who think they have taught their children to be good sleepers.

Luck plays an enormous part in both.

Every thing that parents who think they did to "train" their children into being good eaters my parents did and they made my food aversions far worse and of far longer duration.

Why does being little mean you get no say in what you eat?

If your dog refused certain dog food would you let it starve until it complied or look for a brand it preferred?

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