to not give in and feed her anything else tonight?

[thisonesfree]

My extremely intelligent two year old has decided to not even try her dinner tonight. I have a rule that unless they try it they can't say they don't like it. Normally I win. However tonight she has dug her heals in. Would I be unreasonable to just give her her milk and send her off to bed as usual?! I should point out I know she had a huge lunch at nursery today (three portions), a snack at 2.30 and a cracker and butter when she got home at 3.30 so maybe she's just full?!

Help!

If it was my two year old DS if offer him something like toast or some rice cakes as a snack just in case to check if he was hungry or not in case he genuinely didn't enjoy what if made for dinner. I'm a bit scared of sending him to bed hungry!

Once, ds would not eat (he was fussy). We were at friends

So relented and I gave him fromage frais and coaxed a whole banana in him, instead. (the only food he 'liked')

Then he threw it up all over the car.

yanbu

She's two and you think she understands consequences. For this alone I say YABU.

Join: she gets plenty of choice, offered variety of things, nutritious home cooked food.

It is not a case of here is just one thing and you will eat it or starve. It is a refusal to even look at the plate that's put in from of her. I don't force the food into her. I give her a choice if she wants to eat it or not.

But thanks for your expert insight into her whole diet based on a few sentences.

Maybe ok if she is nearly 3. But my young two year old would be too young for that approach. He lives totally in the moment.

If she is not hungry then don't try and make her eat it. However, i think at 2 you would be unreasonable not to offer some of her dinner later if she says she is hungry. You don't need to offer something else, just give her dinner back.

I would let her have fruit or toast or something, myself. When my 21 month old won't even try something I've made, I feel a but annoyed at first, but then I remember, as a child being forced to try stuff that, for whatever reason, repulsed me at the time. I never want to make her feel like that!
I know I'm a bit of a maverick on this though - my friends all think it's bonkers, as does my DM.

Can't believe ishallcallyousquishy at how you treat a 20 month old.

Just let her eat when she is hungry - she is a baby ! What an awful attitude - babies and children have tiny tummies and are entitled to be full or not like what you offer them

I don't get the big deal op - she is still full from lunch why teach her to stuff herself? Children self regulate - offer her a snack later and stop over thinking it

If an adult isnt hungry, they just dont eat. If they dont like a food, they dont eat it. Yet when its a child its fine to force them to eat foods or let them starve as punishment

She's two, she has no idea of the consequences of not eating regardless of how super inteligent you think she is.

Quote OP: 'I felt like the biggest baddest mum ever watching the tears roll down her face.'

If you do not want a child with eating disorders in the future, do not make an issue over food. The reason so many agree is because it is hard to come on a thread and disagree.
There is no logic in denying her fruit if she wants it, other than you wishing to control her....why are you bargaining with a 2 year old?
You are behaving like a Bad Mum in my world...

Hi All, thank you for continued comments and thoughts. Looks like everyone has a different view.

Just to stress that I was not in any circumstances making a child who wasn't hungry eat against their wishes. I was saying that my child could not have something else instead of the meal offered until she had tasted it. That means she puts some food on a spoon and puts it in her mouth. Once she has done that she can have all the fruit she likes afterwards. As it was she wanted a pear and would not put even a spoonful of food near her mouth.

Anyway, siad child has now had her milk, a story and has gone off to sleep without so much as a mention of food. She also didn't finish her milk tonight which makes me think she really wasn't hungry.

I'll let you know if she wakes up in the middle of the night screaming for food.....

I'd agree with asking her to try the food, but from what you've said I doubt she would have eaten the fruit anyway!
With my DD when younger, if she woke hungry in the evening,in order to try and differentiate between her waking up for attention or actually being hungry, I always offered her exactly the same snack, water and a dry oatcake. Hardcore, but acceptable if hungry.
My philosophy is not to make a big deal over food, but I don't buy into the idea of insisting children eat food they don't like or go hungry.

Hi UKatlast,

I just caught up fully and read your comment. I do admit to denying her fruit on occasion. This is because she is a complete fruit bat and will eat nothing but fruit if given half the chance, to the point that she has an upset stomach. I am keen that she does not use fruit as a substitute for a proper balanced meal. She always has fruit as part of her diet as well as vegetables, carbs, protein and dairy. So, what I am saying is that had she tasted her meal and still didn't want it she would have been offered something else such as toast and a banana or pear.

Also, to the folks that said a two year old doesn't understand - I can assure you this one does. She is described by nursery staff (in this country they are university trained) as very clever and way ahead of the rest of her age group - not comments I have sought out I should add. The older child also falls into this category so I know from experience what they understand. They are clever switched on little cookies. Not wanting to boast and please please don't take this as doing so. I just wanted to stress her understanding level.

"I was saying that my child could not have something else instead of the meal offered until she had tasted it. That means she puts some food on a spoon and puts it in her mouth."

I can tell you that I found this exact rule traumatising as a child.

I found being forced to put spoons of food I didn't find appetising into my mouth to "taste" them horrible and oppressive and it gave me severe food issues, some of which have persisted into adulthood.

I wouldn't push it. It sounds as if she has eaten a lot at nursery, so no harm will be done.

A warm milk at bedtime will be sufficient.

In my house, if they don't eat what I provide they get nothing else. I've always operated that way over the last 18 years now, and have never had a problem. I have three pretty good eaters who are a good healthy weight.

I always tread cautiously if mine refuse food,experience has taught me that I will be cleaning the puke off the carpet later if I encourage them when they just don't want it. The first sign of being poorly is a loss of appetite usually.
I completely follow baby led eating and it's worked for us.
And she is only 2 op !

I was saying that my child could not have something else instead of the meal offered until she had tasted it. That means she puts some food on a spoon and puts it in her mouth. Once she has done that she can have all the fruit she likes afterwards

Sounds like the 50s (I was there, and remember).

What are you proving by making her put the spoon in her mouth, OP? Is it that you hope she'll say "Mm...delicious" and finish it up? If you've found that does happen on occasion, then I understand why you're determined to keep to your rules.

However, I also remember being at an aunt's house where my mother insisted I "try to eat a mouthful" of stewed apples. I gagged, felt sick and hot, and panicked. Incidents such as that have left their mark 60 years on. I still occasionally feel apprehensive eating out.

If I'd had a big lunch and someone told me I couldn't have a light supper (fruit) without putting a spoonful of fish/steak/cheese in my mouth first, I might well feel upset.

It really isn't worth it, you know. Food is just fuel. One of my four was a "poor eater" - serve me right, because I thought all I had to do was cook a selection of healthy, nourishing dishes, make sure the child was well exercised - and he'd eat. Seemed to work for my first (and my third and fourth) but from weaning, my second boy had likes and dislikes. Sure, it was inconvenient; it was embarrassing on occasion (unsympathetic granny) but we went along with it. I compromised, made it no big deal, and as an adult, he eats a wide variety of foods.

She doesn't understand consequences. She's 2.

"In my house, if they don't eat what I provide they get nothing else. I've always operated that way over the last 18 years now, and have never had a problem. I have three pretty good eaters who are a good healthy weight."

You are lucky.

Your cruel treatment of your children could have worked out very differently for them.

I really can't understand why you would be so insistent that a 2 year old should just put the spoon in her mouth and then that would be ok.

If there was already a battle going on she was hardly going to then say 'oh yes it's lovely, and now I'm suddenly super hungry'.

Is it a meal she has previously eaten and liked? Because if not I suspect she may never eat the meal in question now!

Oh and really a nursery would give a 2 year old 3 portions of lunch? I wouldn't be very I impressed at that.

why dont people just treat their children as they would themselves?

if something was put in front of you, as an adult, and either you didnt fancy it or you werent hungry you would simply say. adults have that choice.

why take that choice away from children and force them to try things even if they are not hungry or if they genuinely cant tolerate something?

people are just crazy when it comes to food.
why not just do what you would do for yourself as a rule and then you cant go wrong!

DS is two and gets a proper hot meal at daycare, plus morning tea and afternoon tea. He really is just not that hungry at dinner time. On the weekends when we usually have a lighter lunch, he eats down a full plate of dinner, and often goes back for seconds. If he doesn't eat his dinner, I'll usually offer him a piece of toast and he'll say yes or no, but not having much for dinner when he's had a big lunch seems pretty normal here. He's not a fussy eater either, tries pretty much everything and eats a wide range of food. If I eat it, he'll give it a try, so I'm sure that him not eating dinner is just simply rather not being hungry, rather than fussiness. Eating for the sake of eating is just not healthy.

DS has just turned 3 and understood perfectly well when I told him last week that if he chose to leave his dinner, that was fine, but there'd be nothing else to eat until breakfast at nursery in the morning.

It was foods he'd eaten in the previous few days, so not a dislike. He either wasn't hungry, or just wasn't in the mood. He was hoping for something else which he asked for, but it's hard enough catering around his allergies, without encouraging him to snack in place of meals (snack foods are awkward around his likes/ needs, meals are much easier)

He's not a sophisticated communicator but his isolated words and expression we enough to make it quite clear that he understood. He would have understood recently when he was still 2. If he woke hungry in the night he would have something basic to ease the hunger, and I have done that in the past when he was younger, but I want that to be removed from the dinner refusing. He doesn't have milk as he's never accepted a milk substitute to drink so weaned early (which was fine by the dieticians).

That approach op is very harsh, especially for a little toddler. If she wanted fruit and not another big meal (she had 3 portions and snacks) so be it. Sometimes when you have eaten a lot you want something light. A big meal before ed can just sit on the stomach. Go with the flow really. In my house it's no biscuits or cakes until you have deafen most of the food. If not alternatives such as fruit, toast or are offered, especially if it's before bed and their stomachs may be empty. You do sound a bit too strict op!