To claim Mumsnet stalking is unreasonable?

[CrossFace]

I have been a regular poster on Mumsnet for about two years. I've pretty much always had the same name and had become pretty fond of it. It isn't the one I'm using now, but you may have recognised me otherwise.

Anyway, my BF has taken it upon himself to go detective on my Mumsnet identify. He has been picking up on clues I mentioned and then Googling the shit out of them until he found me.

I discovered this when he started telling me about all the threads I've posted on for months, in a chummy now we can laugh about Mumsnet

Oops hang on for the rest!

Way

So I have told him that this is completely unreasonable and pretty much stalking. Not quite as bad as reading private messages, but still not on.

He thinks it's all public anyway and that he's done nothing wrong.

The thing I'm most mad about is having to change my name. I explained that the fun of mumsnet is that we're all anonymous!

So I said I'd put the question to you guys. Am I or is he being unreasonable?

It is public so you do risk others finding you. Is it stalking or being nosey?

well my husband knows my username and I generally leave myself logged in and he knows he's free to have a nebb if he wants.. as long as he left the private bits alone and didn't use it to post anything.

However, if he stalked me across the www just to find and read my post I would be calling him a creepy stalker and be really damned annoyed about it.

Keep your neb out mr crossface... your lass doesn't want you looking!

He should have talked to you about it first. Playing detective might be fun on his part but it is subterfuge and not nice.

Thank god (ok, MN) for the ability to name change !

Very fucking unreasonable.

Completely out of line.

It

Sorry

Yes, it is public, but I think he is BU. I mean, pubs are public but it would be pretty weird if he followed you to one and eavesdropped on your conversations.

My problem is the fact he seems to have gone to a lot of trouble to search for you so what was he hoping to find..Sounds a like a big trust issue to me

Phone going mad! It wasn't meant to be anything other than nosy. But yesterday, he starts quoting anecdotes I've made ABOUT HIM! And God even knows what other silly chat I've put thinking it would never be traced back.

Agreed that our posts are there for anyone to see, and you have to be pretty sharp for others not to be able to put 2 and 2 together, but the way he's doing this and goading you with what he's found sounds a bit creepy. Does he have a general problem with boundaries?

Ooooh, gosh, I wouldn't like that at all!

I don't know about 'unreasonable', but it should be pretty clear to anyone with half a brain that lots of people post on here about intensely personal stuff to get help, support, and opinions from others in a dignified way. To violate that is a kind of betrayal of trust: I think friends should assume that if someone wants them to know something, they will tell them personally, and if they don't it's a bit of a violation to force things.

I think you should have posted this thread under your old username for him to find!

There's a difference between something being public and someone you know deliberately snooping to find out 'who' you are. I think...

You just have to disguise yourself better, OP!

Name-change again, and for the next few weeks/months, just give your views without any reference to your personal circumstances - no mention of sons/daughters/partner/work etc. Just respond to others' problems without giving away anything about yourself. If you want to mention one of your own experiences, refer to it generally or hypothetically or as belonging to someone else, and disguise it a bit.

Mention airily to your friend that you are no longer using Mumsnet as you no longer have time/he is stalking you/ you've joined another forum. He won't believe you at first and will try to search you out - but without being able to find any references to your personal situation, he will eventually believe you and give up!

You just have to outsmart him!

That's creepy.

I've told him that I'm going under cover again. Maybe that was a mistake!

It's really annoying to lose my name. I liked it. I feel like I'm not me anymore.

I'm glad I have your support!

I know my husband is on other forums, I know the names of them too, but I too would consider it stalking and a sign of mistrust if I went looking for him

You could just change part of your nickname, e.g. Wotserface could become W0tserface so it would still be 'you' but if he searched your NN no new posts would show.

How much of a prolific poster are you?

I think your BF is attempting to cover up insecure and juvenile fuckwittery with "jokey" gaslighting bollocks.

Yes to creepy.

It's like eavesdropping why would he do it.

I'd be pretty pissed off.

Just because it is a public forum doesnt mean that it is fine to scale the internet to find ou who you are.

It is creepy.

I could change part of my name but am too worried about being recognisable. And it was a specific quote I was very fond of.

I don't want to honk on my trumpet - I don't think anyone would miss me. But I think I would be recognisable. I've had conversations with some of the people who have replied to this thread.

He really doesn't get it. He thinks it was a bit of fun. He said he wanted to know more about me! I am free to answer questions at any time!

One of the posts he called me on was on a thread in classics about awful things said to you during sex

Walking around the shops is public too but I would be pissed off if someone deliberately followed me around as I did my shopping