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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if being scared of dying is normal?

67 replies

Mintymelon · 15/01/2014 14:09

Hi mns,
This may sound crazy but I can't stop thinking about how short life is.
Ever since I was around five years old I had near enough panic attacks that one day I won't be here. I have two dc aged 3 and 5. I feel having them has made me even worse!
I have asked dh how he feels about death and he kind of looked at me like I was a mad and said along the lines why would be be scared and 'its part of life'.
I choose to be very positive and don't let fears stop me from doing things but Aibu to be so scared of death and how does anyone just 'accept' it's going to happen ? I sound very weird I know and I plan to live life to the fullest but I absolutely hate the fact that we are going to die. It's depressing and I never understand people who are not frightened by it.

OP posts:
kreecherlivesupstairs · 15/01/2014 14:11

Sounds normal to me, although at the extreme end of normal.
I used to be terrified of dying. Since I almost did, it holds no fear whatsoever.
I wouldn't advocate a brain incident to get over your fear, but, I do think you'd benefit from speaking to someone about it.
Good luck.

belleballon · 15/01/2014 14:13

I think it's quite normal. I've been thinking about it myself a lot recently, and wondering if there was anything to read to make me more accepting of the fact.

theendgame · 15/01/2014 14:13

Apparentlly it's not normal, but I feel just the same as you, including not understanding why everyone feels this way.

Having said that, I can relate it to things that have happened in my past but that doesn't seem to make it go away. And St John's Wort does, sometimes, take the edge off it, although it's not working very well right now.

belleballon · 15/01/2014 14:13

I thought everybody went through a similar phase, however briefly Blush

belleballon · 15/01/2014 14:14

But I've had some health scares lately which have made me ponder this.

Chippingnortonset123 · 15/01/2014 14:18

I work with the elderly and I am always surprised how accepting they are of death. They mock me for being squeamish and openly discuss euthanasia.
This doesn't answer your question but I think that all you can do is live your life to the full every day, enjoy each phase of your life and be as healthy as possible to make it to the point that you are easy with it.

mistermakersgloopyglue · 15/01/2014 14:18

I have been thinking about dying quite a lot recently as well, and sometimes the fact that one day I won't be here anymore washes over me with such an overwhelming force that I have to stop what I am doing and take deep breaths. Sometimes it happens when i am watching a programme about space/astronomy as it makes me realise how insinificant we are! Nothing has triggered this particularly, apart from maybe having a child, but I find it totally terrifying.

One of the things that helps me calm down is to think there was a time when I wasn't around before and I didn't know about it and it was fine - so I try and think about things that happened before I was born etc.

God I sound like an absolute LOON!

peggyundercrackers · 15/01/2014 14:18

i think it hits you as you get a little older (30s) because when your young you dont think about these things however i think once you get much older you accept it, its what happens - its natural. instead of worrying about dying do what you really want to do and dont sweat the small stuff - live every day as if its your last as you never know whats round the corner!

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 15/01/2014 14:20

I'm terrified and it sometimes keeps me awake at night worrying about it.....I put it down to the fact that I went to a funeral when I was 10 and it was so totally different to what I was expecting that it shocked me and ever since then I have had a terrible fear of death.

I was with my mum when she died...it was all very peaceful so I am not actually afraid of the moment of death, my worries are more for what happens to me/my body after! Everyone who knows me knows exactly what I want...it's a standing joke!

Since having my DS 11 years ago I am now terrified by the thought of something happening to him!

When I lay in bed and these thoughts start I just shove them away and try and think of other things.

OP, I'm the same, I find it amazing some people don't worry about it...my best friend says she never gives it a thought.....

Chippingnortonset123 · 15/01/2014 14:20

Mister, you sound rational to me.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 15/01/2014 14:23

Mister - I try and do exactly that...tell myself that the world coped with out me all those years, nothing terrible to not be here.......I try and liken myself to a vacuum cleaner or something (now who sounds like a loon) - just gets switched off once i'm worn out.

I can't believe in nothing though, hence I strongly believe in reincarnation - to me that is the only logical explanation.

Orangeanddemons · 15/01/2014 14:28

How old are you?

I was terrified of dying when I was younger. In fact I was scared of dying until my mum passed away when I was 42.

Since then the fear has gone, although I don't know why. I just see it as part of the circle of life. When my time comes I'll accept it I hope.

The fear of death is meant to recede as you age.

Mummytotwox · 15/01/2014 14:45

I am the same! I have major anxiety though. I also worry I am going to have a car crash with my children so I constantly tell them I love them while driving, I have been known to scream at dh to slow down when he's driving normal.

I am terrified. I'm more scared that I am going to miss my babies, and that I am going to miss them growing old, I just couldn't imagine never being with them. I am so scared. I just don't understand how we go from talking,walking,eating to nothing. Nothing at all.

Binkybix · 15/01/2014 14:50

I'm scared if dying and worry about it a lot, for me and my family. I was almost phobic about it when I was younger, and can trace lots of general anxiety back to it if I stop to try and trace it back to its roots.

Acinonyx · 15/01/2014 14:50

I had no such fear until I had dd. I am an older mum as well and get very fearful that I might die before she's in secure adulthood. For my own sake, I'm not so much afraid of death - but of being very ill and basically dying very slowly from long infirmity or disease. That holds great terror for me. I do think about it quite a lot - pretty much every day. I don't think there's anything strange about fearing death but most people have a sensible knack of putting these thoughts aside.

lastnightopenedmyeyes · 15/01/2014 14:59

I'm not frightened of dying, I'm petrified of those I love the most dying. That is so much worse for me.

My only fear surrounding my own death is leaving my loved ones to cope without me (DH and DC's).

I am afraid of a long drawn out illness, of pain and of a horrific accident but actually no longer existing doesn't bother me for some reason! I have no religious belief so I just think I will cease to be, just like I didn't exist before birth. Not scary to me at all Smile

Weelady77 · 15/01/2014 15:01

YANBU I'm terrified too I think about it everyday, my biggest fear is cancer, if I get a sore head I think it's a brain tumour if I get a sore stomach I think it's ovarian cancer and so on!!

Pigsmummy · 15/01/2014 15:03

OP I am with you on this, I am terrified of dying whilst my baby is a child, terrifies me and I spend far too much time thinking about it. Not helped by having my baby quite late (38). I definitely think about daily.

As a child I was terrified of my parents dying, maybe it's a transfer of that?

I have experienced loved ones sudden death and the shock of it, in fact when I recently saw a police car outside my house my first thought was "who has died" I assumed that they were going to tell me a close family was dead, my partner thought that I was mad, turns out they were visiting a neighbour. A unexpected knock at the door does the same to me, I think my DH has died at work.

Is this normal?

Orangeanddemons · 15/01/2014 15:03

Yes, other people dying is more scary that me dying, and let me say I am very very prone to anxiety and fear. Buy dying has stopped been scary.

Maybe it is cos I is old?

Spottybra · 15/01/2014 15:06

I don't panic about dying. I worry about dying in pain but I made my peace with dying a long time ago, strange child that I was. Its natural.

We came from somewhere and will return somewhere. Whether its heaven or dust remains to be seen.

JennyCalendar · 15/01/2014 15:10

YANBU

I could have written your OP and have been thinking about posting something similar. I keep the thoughts at bay during the day by being busy, but they creep in at night as I am the last to bed.

Bettercallsaul1 · 15/01/2014 15:17

I think it depends on how often you think about it (and fear it).

If it's just once in a while, then that is just a sign of being human (and intelligent). But if thoughts of death -and an accompanying sense of panic or powerlessness - are starting to become common and spoil your enjoyment of the here-and-now, I would associate this with the beginning of depression, and look for the cause.

Are you anxious about something at the moment, or unhappy? Or are you feeling that some important part of your life is hopeless? Depression can also be triggered by prolonged uncertainty or stress - worries about losing your job, or relationship - or by exhaustion and having no time for yourself.

If these feelings are taking over your life, OP, I would look seriously at your life and seek the cause. Then, you can work to put things right.

Monkeyandanimal · 15/01/2014 15:21

Im scared of dying, and the fear was quite debilitating when i was in my 20s. I would wake up in the night unable to breathe, and i was always looking at people and thinking 'how can they be so happy, they must know they only have a maximum of 20/30/10/whatever years left" But i think it was part of a clinical anxiety thing. I'm still uneasy about it; i just don't let myself think about it. I'm scared of not Being. I mean, nothing, not even thought or self remaining. ugh.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 15/01/2014 15:42

YANBU.
Somedays it is all I can think about, but this has been triggered by me needing a major operation. I am scared I won't survive it and my children will have to grow up without me.
I am getting help for this, but it isn't really making the fear any better. I don't know what will.

D0G · 15/01/2014 15:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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